


Crazy

by Amethyzt



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:25:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyzt/pseuds/Amethyzt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My name's Raven." She said, her voice cracking a bit.</p><p>He rolled her name on his tongue, saying it in his head before he responded. There was something about her, he thought to himself, and he knew he would exhaust whatever strength he had left trying to figure it out.</p><p>"Jonathan." He coughed, the back of his throat dry. "But you can call me Murphy."</p><p> </p><p>Modern Murven AU in which Murphy and Raven are involved in an accident and their lives change, for better or for worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Catalyst

_You got me looking, so crazy my baby. I'm not myself lately._

 

 

Raven dialed Finn's number as she walked to her truck. She was tired after a long day of work and she wanted nothing more than to go home and take a shower, but she hadn't seen Finn in almost a week. She missed him, and even though all she wanted to do was flop on her bed, a night in with her boyfriend sounded good too.

"Hey babe." Finn said after he picked up. He sounded a little stressed.

"Hey, how are you?" She said, tilting her head and raising her shoulder to hold the phone in place while she used both hands to dig around in her bag for her keys.

"Good, sorry we haven't seen each other. Law school's been kicking my butt." He sighed.

"Oh man, you have a lot of work for this week too?" She finally found her keys, and opened her truck. She tossed her work bag onto the passenger seat before heaving herself up and inside.

"Yeah, I have like—three test for this Friday."

"That sucks. Are you going to stay home tonight then, and study?" She turned her key, the engine of her truck purring to life.

"Yeah, but I promise we'll hang out this week okay? Maybe Friday night we can catch a movie or something?"

"That sounds good. Okay, well I just got off of work, and I don't want to keep you on the phone for too long. I just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine Raven." He laughed. "Don't worry about me."

"You know I will anyways." She smiled.

"Yeah, I know. Bye, babe." He said.

"Hey!" Raven said before he hung up. "I love you."

"Love you too." Finn replied before she heard the phone call end.

She leaned back against her seat, sighing. It seemed he was busy more times than he was free lately, and she knew it shouldn't bother her too much. She knew that once he started law school he wouldn't have a lot of free time, but he was her boyfriend. It was natural she wanted to see him. She drove out of the mechanic shop's parking lot.

He did say he was staying home tonight. She could, maybe, drop by with food? Just to make sure he was eating.

Raven pulled into their favorite Chinese restaurant without thinking it twice. She parked in a free spot by a large tree, turning off the ignition of her truck. She reached across to the passenger's seat, digging through her work bag until she found her wallet. She wrapped the wristlet around her hand and jumped out of her truck, shutting the door behind her. She put the alarm on, and tucked the keys into her back pocket. She swiped the beads of sweat that had gathered at her temple. It had been a sweltering September day in Arizona, and the heat hadn't let out despite the setting of the sun.

As she walked inside the restaurant, the smell of stir fried rice and noodles hit her instantly. Raven smiled at the woman behind the counter. She didn't bother to look at the menu, since her and Finn had been going to this place for years. Raven knew the menu as well as the back of her hand.

The Asian woman, whose name Raven never remembered, asked her if she would be ordering the usual, and Raven nodded, digging into her wallet to pull out a twenty. She handed the money to her, and the woman rang her up.

She turned towards the waiting area, and opened her eyes in surprise.

"Clarke?" She smiled, her arms outstretched for a hug as the blonde looked up and walked in her direction.

"Raven! What are you doing here?" Clarke wrapped her arms around Raven.

"My boyfriend loves this place. I'm picking up some food for us."

"A night in—exactly what I need too." Clarke brushed back her hair, tied back into a ponytail. She still wore her scrubs, so she must have been coming straight from the hospital.

"So you're picking up food for your boyfriend too?" Raven asked.

"Yeah, he's had a long week, so we're going to eat in tonight."

They walked together to the small waiting area, Raven taking a seat besides Clarke.

"So how's that new rotation going for you?" Raven tucked her receipt into her wallet.

"It's okay—I'm scheduled for 16 weeks in the hospital by here." Clarke brushed back her hair.

"Ark regional hospital?"

"Yep. So far so good, maybe a little boring, but when you come from a psychiatric hospital rotation, that's to be expected."

"I'm sure the patients will miss 'Pretty Princess Doctor'." Raven snickered, knocking elbows with her.

"I'll miss them, that's for sure—they made my days so much more interesting."

"I'm sure something exciting will happen soon. Maybe you'll even get to assist in a life or death surgery."

Clarke grimaced. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet." She shook her head. "I haven't assisted in a surgery where the person died midway yet, though I know it's bound to happen."

"Just try not to beat yourself up about it too much, you're still an intern." Raven smiled, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"Thanks, but I have a feeling I'll have to assist in one soon. My mom works there."

"Oh." Raven said, nodding her head slowly. Clarke and her mom were not really in the best of terms.

"Yeah. Oh." Clarke tightened the band of her ponytail.

They heard the chime of the door as two men walked into the restaurant. They were two cops, still dressed in their blue uniforms. They chatted idly between themselves, the taller one grabbing a menu from the counter. He rested his weight on one leg, holding out the menu for his partner to also see, his hand resting just above his walkie-talkie.

"Off-duty cops." Clarke groaned, watching them as they ordered. They held their heads up high, the way proud men do. The taller one, the one with the head full of unruly curls, performed a cursory glance around the room, his eyes landing on Clarke.

He whispered something to his partner, who seemed to have a permanent scowl etched into his face. Raven watched them approach, her eyes flicking from one of them to the other. They were too attractive to be cops, she thought to herself—Even if one of them refused to smile.

They took a seat across the two women in the tiny room, and Clarke felt the taller cop stare at her. She looked up to confirm her suspicions, trying to hold in an audible sigh when she saw he was indeed looking at her.

"Can I help you?" Clarke raised an eyebrow, only mildly annoyed when he smirked.

"You tell me, princess." His voice was low, and Raven's eyebrows quirked when she looked him up and down. He could pull her over anytime he wanted, she thought amusedly. She looked to Clarke, who unfortunately was not thrilled at the stranger's boldness. Sometimes that girl was no fun.

"I have a name." Clarke retorted.

"And I would like to know it." The cop grinned. "I'll tell you mine." He outstretched a hand, leaning forward in his chair. "Officer Bellamy Blake, at your service."

"I would say nice to meet you, but then I'd be lying to a lawman."

"It's okay, princess. You're not under oath." Bellamy retracted his hand, looking to his grim-faced partner with a shrug.

His partner chewed on his cheek, and for a second, he and Raven made eye-contact. It was awkward and fleeting, but it still left her with an unknown feeling at the pit of her stomach. She risked a look back at him, but was disappointed when she saw his gaze fixed on the floor tile.

She shouldn't be disappointed though, she was in a relationship… Still, he was an attractive man, and her ego needed to be nursed too. Yes, Finn and her had been dating since they were 15, and she was happy. But she was also human, and liked to be thought of as attractive. Raven kind of liked seeing the guy's faces when she turned them down, which was exactly what Clarke was doing to the other cop.

There was a crackling noise, and Bellamy instantly gripped his radio in his hand. He stood up from his chair walking to the door briskly with his partner at his heels.

"Ark station to 347." A voice said on the radio.

Bellamy looked at his partner, who sighed and ran a hand exasperatedly through his hair.

"347 and 789, S. Johnston Street, go ahead." Bellamy said into the radio as they stepped outside.

Raven eyed them idly for a few seconds through the glass panels of the restaurant, but grew bored and turned her attention back to Clarke.

"Can you believe him? So gross." The blonde rolled her eyes.

"Gross is probably not the term I would have used, if you know what I mean." Raven smiled.

"Okay, he was obviously hot." Clarke pursed her lips and shook her head. "But I have a boyfriend—it makes me uncomfortable."

"Only because it brings forth naughty thoughts of him using his handcuffs for something other than arresting bad guys."

"Raven!"

"I'm just saying." She shrugged.

The woman at the counter called for Clarke, holding up a large bag with a cheery yellow smiley face.

"That's me." Clarke stood up, brushing her hands on her pants. "We're still on for coffee tomorrow, right?" She asked over her shoulder as she walked to pick up her order.

"Yeah, totally." Raven waved to her as she started to leave the restaurant, almost bumping in headfirst into Bellamy who had rushed back in.

"Hey! Watch it." She said, glaring.

"Sorry, princess. I'm kind of in a rush." He sidestepped her, all traces of his earlier flirtatiousness gone from his face. Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven, but left quickly after that.

Raven crossed her legs as she watched the exchange at the counter.

"I have an emergency. I'm going to have to cancel my order." Bellamy huffed.

The woman shook her head. "But you already paid."

"I know, but I can't wait for my food. I want to cancel." He repeated.

"No, no. You paid already. You wait five minutes, okay."

"I don't have five minutes." He rubbed his face.

"You wait, the food will be right out." The woman said.

"You know what, forget the food." His partner, who was standing behind him, tugged on his shoulder. "Keep the money."

"Murphy, what the fuck?" Bellamy pulled back his body from his grip.

"We. Have. To. Go." Murphy said slowly, glaring at him. "I'll pay next time, okay?"

"Fine."

Raven watched them storm out of the place, raising her eyebrows at the scene they just formed. Surely, a fender bender or out of control house party in the neighborhood could wait five minutes.

The woman at the counter called her name, and she rose to pick up her food. Bright red and blue lights casted a glow inside the restaurant, and the sound of a police siren echoed as the patrol car raced out of the outside lot.

* * *

Raven knocked on Finn's door as she stood outside his apartment. She rocked on her heels as she waited for him to open the door. Hopefully he wasn't too busy or in the middle of an online assignment. It wasn't as though she couldn't have called ahead, but she wanted to surprise him—after all, he was always saying lately how she wasn't as spontaneous as she used to be.

But it wasn't her fault. Her hours at the shop were getting longer, and she was happy to continue a set routine. After all the instability she had while growing up, having something set in stone was a relief. She missed him though. They hadn't even slept together in over a month. Their schedules always seemed to be opposite of each other.

Raven heard faint sounds of laughing, and she knocked a little louder. He must have the TV on really loud, she thought. Odd, because he told her he was studying.

Maybe he's taking a break.

She heard him start to unlatch the lock, and she smiled when he partially opened the door.

"Hey babe." She smiled and held up a bag of takeout. "I brought grub."

Finn leaned out of the doorframe, smiling tight-lipped as he slowly shook his head.

"That's awesome Raven, but I thought I told you I couldn't hang tonight." He said.

"I thought you could use some brain food." She frowned. "Why are you whispering?"

"No reason. My voice—I think I'm getting sick, I don't want to give it to you."

"Well that's bullshit. We both know I have a killer immune system. Let me in." She furrowed her brows.

"I really—"

"Babe, who's at the door?" A female voice called from inside the apartment.

"Who the hell was that?" Raven tried to peer in the door around her head.

"Just the TV, don't worry about it." He looked over his shoulder.

Raven pulled open the door with her free hand, catching Finn by surprise. He stumbled into the hall and she walked into his apartment.

"Clarke?" She dropped the bag of food on the floor. Clarke sat by the coffee table, surrounded by Styrofoam plates full of half-eaten Chinese food and two glasses of red wine.

"Raven? What are you doing here?" Clarke stood up from her spot on the carpet, clutching her wine glass in one hand. She approached her, a puzzled look in her eyes.

"Me? What are you doing having dinner with my  _boyfriend_?" Raven felt Finn grab her shoulders from behind, but she shrugged out of his touch.

" _Your boyfriend_? Finn and I have been dating  _for months_." Clarke facial expression morphed from confused to angry in a split second. Raven barely had time to duck before she threw her red wine over Finn's head, the liquid spilling onto the brown carpet.

"Clarke, that's gonna stain." He groaned.

Raven whirled her body around to face him.

"That's gonna stain, Finn? Really? That's all you have to say?" She felt the onslaught of hot tears coming, but blinked her eyes repeatedly to keep them at bay. She did not want to cry right now.

"Raven, I'm sorry, I had no idea." Clarke interjected.

"I know." She replied, her words clipped. "I think the wine on the carpet was a good indicator." Her eyes were still focused on Finn, whose gaze moved from her to Clarke simultaneously.

"This is just a complicated situation that we need to talk about." Finn said.

" _Complicated situation_?" Raven scoffed, brushing a few stray tears with the backs of her hands. "What world are you living in? You can't fucking have  _two girlfriends_ , Finn. That's not a complication, that's called  _cheating_ , you asshole." She struggled to keep her voice even. She threw her hands in the air after saying that, and started to walk out.

"Raven, please don't leave. We can fix this—all three of us. I love you." Finn said while blocking the door.

Her lips quivered as she sucked in a breath. She looked at him squarely, and shook her head.

"Not the way I want to be loved."

With that, she pushed through him, not turning back as he called her name repeatedly.

* * *

"Goddamn it." Bellamy said, as he drove through the darkened streets.

Murphy cursed under his breath, looking up at the helicopters in the sky. From their location, he could spot three, all of them shining a beam to the ground. They were searching for the escaped convicts, the ones that had managed to run away from the prison earlier.

There had been a mutiny at the county prison, and based on the radio conversations he and Bellamy had overheard, it had been a strong one.

Three people dead, eleven injured, and three inmates missing.

Two of which were on death row, and one lifer.

They had nothing to lose, and in Murphy's experience, those were the most dangerous. They would stop at nothing if that meant staying free.

That included murder, rape, arson… the list could go on and on.

"Do you see anything?" Bellamy said.

The patrol car's lights were off, rendering them practically invisible in the darkness of the night sky. The cotton fields surrounding the town where the most likely place the convicts were hiding, and if they were right, they should be able to find them sooner or later. Or so went the orders they received.

"Zilch." Murphy said. "We're not going to find them like this."

"These are our orders."

"Rules are meant to be broken. We need to think like criminals."

"But we're not criminals." Bellamy argued.

"You mean to tell me your years in the Marines taught you nothing? Maybe criminal was not the right word." Murphy pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So like a soldier?"

"Sure. If this was Afghanistan, what would we do to catch the enemy?"

"Well, we'd probably have a bigger team. Where the hell is our backup anyways?"

"They're obviously preoccupied." Murphy said irritated. "Just pull over so we can think."

"Okay." Bellamy pulled to the side of the road, turning off the ignition. "What do you suggest?"

"Let's focus on one of them—leave the other two for the helicopters." Murphy rifled through the files, turning on the overhead light and scanning for the inmate which would be the most dangerous to the public.

"Which one?"

"Thom Fender. He's on death row for murdering five children in cold blood."

Bellamy rubbed at his forehead, barking a harsh laugh. "You do know that's the bastard who skinned his victims?"

"More reason to find him. We owe it to the families."

"Okay" Bellamy nodded "Let's do this."

They looked over the notes on his file, quickly analyzed his trial, the notes made by the behavioral analyst.

"This guy has a flair for drama." Bellamy said.

"So we wait for something big to happen." Murphy nodded.

They sat in silence for over ten minutes. Murphy was about to say something about how maybe they were wrong, when the car's radio crackled.

"We have a 10-99 on E. Dade Avenue. Gasoline truck."

"That's our man." Bellamy said, igniting the car to life and speeding down the street in the direction of the stolen truck. They didn't fasten their seatbelts.

* * *

The engine on Raven's truck revved as she spun out of the apartment lot and into the street, cutting off a guy who slammed his fist on the horn. She swiped at her nose with her hand, trying to stop herself from sobbing.

Finn had cheated on her.

Finn had been cheating on her  _for months_.

She felt stupid, used… dirty. It made her question everything he had said to her in the past—if he meant them, if he hadn't, and if he had said them to someone else too. Finn had always been there for her. They grew up together, and Finn's house had been her home. His parents were like the ones she never had, and they treated her like the daughter they never had. Seeing his acceptance at being discovered though, hurt her more than it would have if he had tried to convince her he wasn't cheating.

It made her feel like he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

But he was.

And it hurt. He was the only family she had, the only person she could rely on.

She made a strangled sound at the back of her throat as she stopped at a red light. Her hands smacked against the steering wheel, and her shoulders heaved as she sobbed.

The only fucking person she had and he had let her down just like everyone else in her life.

People always leave, she didn't know why she even bothered at this point.

The light changed to green and she made a left turn. The street was faintly illuminated by the orange glow of the streetlights. They blended into a blurry mess behind her tears, and she blinked them away so she could see the road.

She came to a four-way stop, barely slowing down before starting to cross.

* * *

Bellamy and Murphy were right.

Fender had stolen the gasoline truck at the 7-eleven by the prison, knocking the driver unconscious and leaving him by the filling station where he had been unloading the following week's gasoline share. Fender had stolen his keys and raced out of there, leaving the hoses attached to the mouth of the large tank in its hull. As he sped away, the hoses had disconnected, and the smell and wet trail of the gasoline had been one of the main factors for helping Bellamy and Murphy track him down.

Even now, gasoline dripped out of the tank in a steady line, drops falling onto their windshield. They had their sirens and lights on. Murphy watched as the speedometer inched higher and higher.

Fender made a sharp right turn onto a residential street, leaving barely enough time for Bellamy to react and follow him.

"Shit." Murphy cursed as the car tipped dangerously.

"Where the hell is our backup? We need to corner him." Bellamy reached for the radio, and Murphy's eyes widened at the scene in front of him.

"Bellamy watch out!"

* * *

Raven was in the middle of the street when she saw the high beams of the truck coming at her.

She didn't have time to react before the vehicle slammed into the passenger side of her pickup truck.

The crunching of metal encompassed her, and she slammed her head on the steering wheel.

* * *

The red pickup truck was crushed like a tin can, curling around itself and propelling to the other side of the road. The metal skidded on the gravel, a high pitched sound. It slammed into a large tree , coming to an abrupt stop.

The gasoline truck was flipped onto its side with the impact, gliding in a straight line. The glass of the windows cracked, forming crystallized spider webs on their surfaces.

The patrol car had tried to avoid crashing into the gasoline truck at the last minute, but at the speed it was going, all it accomplished was not running into it head-on. The driver lost control of the vehicle, as it spun around and struck the tank of the truck with its rear. The iron sparked on the hot asphalt, and the trail of gasoline lit on fire.

The driver of the patrol car had been launched from his seat, shattering the windshield, his body landing a few feet into the grass. He had landed on his left arm with a crunch, his left leg bending unnaturally. He cried out in pain, his breath hissing as he tried to manage it.

He lifted his bleeding head slightly to peer into the patrol car, now illuminated by the flames on the ground.

Murphy had hit his head on the passenger side window, the blood flowing freely down his face as he pressed tentative fingers to it.

It happened almost too fast. The flame reached the tank of gasoline, and Bellamy barely had time to shout to Murphy to get out of the car.

He saw Murphy look back, and then the explosion happened. Bellamy shielded his head with his right arm, feeling the heat from the fire.

The patrol car was pushed away in the blast, flipping upside down before being tossed onto the gravel once again, glass spreading over the asphalt like crystal embers.

Bellamy cursed as he saw the flames engulf the gasoline truck.

* * *

Raven's head throbbed as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She pressed her fingers experimentally to her forehead, grimacing when her fingers came back sticky with blood.

"That's not good." She said.

She tried to look around herself, but the truck had compacted itself tight around her. There was a tree just behind the driver's side window, where it had collided with her truck's bed. That was lucky. She probably wouldn't have survived had it aligned with her door.

Going through the door was not a possibility, the tree's trunk was too wide. She looked at her broken windshield, thinking that it would be the easiest way to exit. There was a lot of glass though, and the airbag was in the way. She'd have to be careful.

Raven started to heave herself up, but screamed out. A sharp, blinding pain penetrated her back, as if she was being sawed in half, and she was suddenly very aware of a numbness in her lower legs.

She cursed repeatedly, her heart racing as she tried to look for her phone. The inside of her car was a wreck though, and despite a hazy orange glow, she couldn't see much.

She let out a breath of relief when she heard the faraway sounds of an ambulance, letting her head fall back against the headrest.


	2. The Introduction

_I'm foolish, I don't do this, I've been playing myself_

 

 

The first time Murphy's eyes flutter open, his face is pressed up against the roof of the patrol car. He feels pain, but he can't process this as he should.

Because he can't breathe.

He gasps for air, but his lungs don't seem to be working properly. He clutches at his throat, turning his body so he's lying on his back. He can hear the shuddering inner workings of his mouthfuls of empty air—that's what they feel like anyways. He opts for short pants, and while that doesn't satisfy his craving for air, it keeps him from suffocating. His heart is beating a thousand beats per minute, but he's so tired, so exhausted… He coughs, a racking sound that reverberates through his chest.

Murphy knows he's dying.

It seems almost laughable really, that after all the terrible things he did when he was younger and all the people whose life he ruined, that he would go out while trying to do something good.

Some tragic hero he turned out to be.

The short pants of breath he is able to take hurt, probably due to a few cracked ribs and god knows what else. Maybe he should just stop trying to breath and embrace death. He knows he must be on the verge of his own sanity when death by suffocation sounds like a plausible choice. It's better than slowly bleeding out anyways.

But he's not granted much time to choose an option, as alluring and appealing as they seemed.

There's suddenly someone pulling him out gently, sliding him into some sort of tarp. Two paramedics carry him onto a stretcher, and before he can try to tell them that he can't breathe, they slide the oxygen tube on his face, the two plugs inserted into his nostrils.

A flood of cold air breached his nose, and it makes breathing a little easier.

"Punctured lung," the paramedic said. "Hear that rattle?"

The other nods, possibly an intern or new on the job. "What is that?" he asked.

"Could be fluid, could be air. An x-ray at the hospital will tell the doctor exactly."

"Will he be alright?" The intern looked up at his superior while wrapping a blood pressure cuff over Murphy's bicep.

"It's our job to make sure he gets to the hospital alive." The paramedic jotted down the numbers that the intern responded with, nodding slowly.

That's not very reassuring, Murphy thought to himself. Did they think he was unconscious or something? He was  _right there._

He'd thought about death multiple times, but despite the lies he would convince himself with, the truth was that he wasn't ready yet.

Not today, death. Not today.

* * *

 

Raven must have drifted out of consciousness, because when she opened her eyes again, someone was shining a bright light into her face. They were perched on top of the hood of her truck, and she groaned, partly annoyed because she had just waxed her car a few days prior.

She squinted her eyes at the flashlight's beam, and she vaguely heard the paramedic call for help. She couldn't hear him very well. It felt as if she were underwater, her ears logged with water.

She felt faint too— weak. It took a lot of energy for her to nod when the paramedic asked her if she was stuck. Although, to be fair, it seemed to be more of a rhetorical question. She could almost see the gears turning in his head as he scanned the inside of her truck with his flashlight, his head slowly shaking from side to side.

"There's no way we can pull her out like this." He said, sliding off the hood of her truck.

"We need to cut the car open, Jasper." Another man answered.

Raven's eyes fluttered as their voices intermingled, and she brought a hand to her head, trying to calm its throbbing.

It's then when her memories of her mother flash into her mind.

She sees a dark-haired little girl, four or five years old, in a lemon yellow dress. She clutches at her mother's hand, of which she is a carbon copy of, with her own long dark hair and olive skin. The little girl looks up at her mother, who smiles at her as she lifts her into her arms. She signals to a puppy in a store window, and the little girl claps her hands at the animal.

She feels overwhelmingly happy for a second, but frowns when she doesn't remember anything past that. She tries to wrap her head around the moments following that, but nothing resurfaces. It was like a broken tape—a clear picture and then… Just fuzzy imaging.

But then there's something, and at first it's so distorted she can't seem to decipher it. When it gets clearer though, she wishes she could forget—wishes that she could forget it.

Her mother's drunk. She sways around their small apartment in a pair of ripped shorts and a ribbed tank top. She holds a bottle of rum in one hand as she walks over the dirty green carpet. A seven year old Raven is curled up in a corner in the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as her mother pushes another one of her boyfriend's off of her. He's smoking a joint, using their couch to put it out. He pushes her mother into the wall, and Raven shuts her eyes and puts her hands over ears to cover the sounds.

She's snapped out of her memory with the sound of sawing. It was a sharp, high wheezing and just like that she's brought back to the present. She turns her head to the right to see that the man that was standing on her hood earlier had crawled in besides her, after of course they had taken off a good chunk out of her truck.

"What the hell did you do to my truck?" She whispered, tensing as the paramedic began cutting her out of her seatbelt.

"Sorry, dude. But your truck's a total loss." He said, snapping the microfibers of her seatbelt with his knife. "Ready for extrication, Monty." He shouted over his shoulder.

"I'm going to move you now, and I'm going to try to do it as painlessly as possible, but I can't fully assess your condition while you're here. You're conscious though, and coherent enough," He gave her a reassuring lopsided smile. "So that's good."

She nodded, looping her arms around his neck as he started to pull her out of the wreck. It did hurt, and she gargled back a groan, but the paramedic kept whispering to her about how the pain would soon subside, and for a moment, and because of his soothing voice, she believed him.

That all went to hell though when they stretched her on the stretcher. She screamed bloody murder when they straightened her bent legs. The paramedics, the one that had pulled her out and the other one he had referred to as Monty, exchanged a loaded glance, and Raven knew she was seriously hurt.

"It's bad, huh?" She said as they started loading her into the back of the ambulance.

The paramedic that pulled her out took a deep breath before jumping in the back.

"Could've been a lot worse." He said staring at the charred remains of the gasoline truck. Monty hopped up into the back and pulled the doors closed, and notified the driver that they were ready to head to the hospital.

* * *

 

Bellamy reached the hospital first.

He had been the easiest to move at the scene of the accident. He wasn't trapped in a vehicle like the others, and despite the fact that his injuries weren't a death sentence, he had been the first one to be loaded onto an ambulance. He had protested, albeit maybe a bit weakly, told the paramedics they needed to get Murphy first, but they had paid no mind to him.

He didn't know what he was expecting when he arrived at the hospital. He had heard over his police radio that Ark regional was in chaos after the prison outbreak, but he had no idea it was this bad. The number of injured surely had gotten higher. There was no other explanation.

When he was wheeled through the emergency room, there were literally no available seats. The entire back row of chairs was full of chained inmates all in various stages of injuries. Some had nasty blows to their heads and faces, others had obvious broken limbs.

A bad thought crossed his mind briefly, as he looked at some familiar faces in the throng of people in the ER.

Would they make him wait, too? And if they did, well shit… He'd arrested a good number of people currently in the waiting room. Sure, they had their patrol officers overseeing them, and they were chained at the ankles, but it had been a crazy night so far.

What's to say it wouldn't get crazier?

They didn't make him wait though. He checked himself in, and then the paramedics that brought him in quickly wheeled him past the double doors.

Bellamy was grateful, but the thought of the unfairness of it all nagged at the back of his mind.

"Hey, why am I being passed in so quickly?" He asked the paramedic wheeling him, his head lifting up slightly from the stretcher to look at him.

"We need to make sure that, besides your broken bones, everything else is okay. We wouldn't want your lung to collapse in the waiting room due to our negligence."

"Yeah, that would be bad." Bellamy winced.

"I can take him from this point." A voice called out from behind them.

He saw the paramedic nod from his peripheral vision, and a small brunette replace his earlier position.

"Bellamy Blake?" She said reading the record the paramedic had handed her.

"The one and only." He sighed.

"I'm Maya, I'm going to be your nurse for now. I'm going to take you to the x-ray room, okay? So we can patch you up ASAP." She pushed him into a large elevator, accommodating his stretcher against the right wall. She pressed the button for the second floor.

"My friend was in the accident too, but he hasn't gotten to the hospital yet. They had to get him from the car. How soon until I hear from him?" Bellamy gnawed at the inside of his cheek.

"Wish I could tell you." Maya frowned. "But the hospital is a mess right now. I can try to ask around later though. What's your friend's name?"

"Jonathan Murphy."

"Jonathan Murphy," She repeated, her head bobbing up and down as she tried to memorize the name. "I'll keep an ear out."

* * *

 

If there was one thing Clarke was grateful for tonight, it was that she hadn't changed out of her scrubs since she left the hospital that afternoon.

She got the call from her mother while she was leaving Finn's apartment, after having yelled at his face for about half an hour and collected all the belongings she had in his room.

Usually, medical students weren't on call, but tonight it was all hands on deck, apparently.

She arrived at the hospital shortly after, and had been swamped treating minor injuries in the emergency room. She saw her friend Maya whizz by her open door as she treated an inmate's shallow head wound.

"Ouch." He complained when she dabbed at his wound a little too roughly.

"Sorry. How'd you say you got cut?" She reached behind her for some antiseptic.

"Some guy threw barbed wire at me." The red-headed man grunted.

"Geez." She shook her head, and wrapped gauze over the wound. "Well I know it throbs, but that should heal up nicely. You don't need stitches, so that's a plus. I don't think it'll scar either." She smiled.

"Thanks, doc." The man said.

"I'm not really a doctor yet, I'm still in med school." She replied as she jotted down her notes in his file.

"Well, I think you'll be a great doctor one day then." He smiled at her, the gruffness of his orange jumpsuit contrasting from his seemingly kind face.

"You and me both," She looked at his file, "Mr. Lemkin."

"Tor is fine." He smiled. "My little girl wants to be a doctor."

"Does she?" She closed his folder.

"Yep. I'll see her in a little bit. My wife will come around tomorrow most likely to see me. I think the outbreak scared her."

Clarke nodded, not quite sure how to respond to that.

"I only have a few weeks left of my sentence. I won't ever drink and drive again." He laughed humorlessly.

"That's good to hear. I'm sure your family will be happy to have you back. I'm going to give this to your patrol officer. We're pretty much done here." She smiled before leaving the room.

She nearly bumped into Maya, who looked more worried than usual.

"Hey, are you okay?" Clarke asked, grabbing her by her forearms to stop her.

"They need me down in the ICU—More wounded keep on coming in and there's no beds left."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You can help Dr. Jackson. He's prepping someone for a surgery." Maya grabbed a pair of gloves from the wall.

"What kind of surgery?"

"The guy has comminuted fractures in both his left radius and tibia, he's from the same car accident."

"Okay, I've assisted in one of those before." Clarke said, mostly to herself.

"Go, he needs assistance." Maya gave her a thumbs up before rounding the corner.

Clarke raced down the opposite way, towards the elevator. She pressed the button for the second floor, where the same-day surgery prepping rooms where located, watching as the doors closed in front of her. She tapped her foot repeatedly on the wood flooring, practically bolting out the elevator the second the doors opened.

She entered the prepping room, instantly washing and sterilizing her hands and putting on gloves. Dr. Jackson seemed relieved to see her there, his shoulders relaxing. Harper was busy starting an IV on the patient, patting his elbow in order to get a better view of a vein.

"Maya said he had comminuted fractures." Clarke commented to Jackson.

"Yeah, they aren't too bad though." He placed an x-ray above the lit screen on the wall, signaling to Clarke to look at them. "We're going to insert a steel rod in both his radius and tibia. The radius will be the simplest to put back together—the bones only broken in three pieces."

Clarke looked back at the man on the table, his head turned away from her and facing Harper. There was something about his curly hair that dug at her memory, but she couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, and to be completely honest, wasn't that important.

"His tibia, though." Jackson continued, lowering his voice so the patient didn't hear him. "That's pretty much a shattered mess. It broke in seven pieces."

"Plates then?" She met his eyes.

Dr. Jackson nodded. "Exactly, Clarke." He smiled. "You know, you can quit medical school now, and we'll hire you."

Clarke rolled her eyes, amused at his jest. "Tell that to my mother."

She walked over to the table by the patients side. She wanted a look at the surgical tools. She gave a cursory glance to the man's wounds. The bone in his arm didn't protrude the skin, which was good, but the one in his leg was jutting out, the flash of white standing out against his tawny skin.

"That must have been one hell of an accident." She said, looking around for the anesthesiologist that should be coming in at any moment.

The man turned his face away from Harper, who was hooking the tubes up to the IV. His eyes widened slightly at Clarke, and she in turn shook her head and pursed her lips, her eyebrows raised.

"Huh… That's funny." She said, remembering him from the Chinese restaurant.

"You're my doctor, princess?" His eyes were glazed with whatever pain-killer they had given him earlier, probably morphine.

"Not a doctor yet, and definitely not a princess." The doors opened and Clarke was glad to see the anesthesiologist walk in. They needed to get this surgery going quickly.

"That's funny. You look like both." Bellamy said, before turning his attention to the anesthesiologist who was quickly explaining how the intravenous anesthesia worked.

"You know him?" Dr. Jackson asked when she walked away.

"Not really. He hit on me at Wu's earlier."

Jackson shrugged. "Ark's a small town."

"Maybe a little too small." Clarke said, glancing over her shoulder to see Bellamy's head lolling against the pillow, his mouth slightly opened as the anesthesia took over.

* * *

 

Even though Jasper and Monty were trying to get Raven into the ICU gently and as fast as they could, it wasn't always possible.

Ark's ICU was small compared to bigger hospitals, and when they arrived, the nurses scrambled to find a place to leave her. They shook their heads, and told them she'd have to wait in the hall. They didn't have any beds.

"Are you kidding?" Jasper said. "She needs an x-ray right now."

"Look I can get the doctor—"

"She is bleeding internally." Monty interjected.

"And she can deal with this." The nurse finished, turning away from them, the double doors closing behind her.

"Un-fucking-believable." Jasper muttered.

Monty shook his head at his friend, motioning to Raven on the stretcher, who was looking at him with wide-set eyes.

"I'm sorry. Everything will be fine." Jasper said, looking down at her.

The double doors of the ICU opened, and he visibly relaxed when he saw a woman come through them. Her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun, and Raven tried to ignore the blood on her teal scrubs.

Jasper handed her the file containing Raven's vitals and explanation of the accident. The doctor looked over them briefly, before nodding once.

"Okay, thank you. I'll take it from here."

The two paramedics looked at each other before scampering down the hall, wordlessly communicating their relief. They knew Raven needed medical help quickly.

"Hi Ms. Reyes. I'm Dr. Abby Griffin." The woman said, pressing the button on the wall for the doors to automatically open on their own. "It's a little hectic in here, but we're going to take care of you, okay?"

Raven nodded, watching as she moved her past rows of curtained beds. She could hear a few moans of pain from behind them, and she tried to tune them out. There was no use in psyching herself out.

"I need a spinal x-ray on this one, now." Dr. Griffin said to one of the nurses. Her name tag read Maya, and Raven found herself repeating that name on her lips for a reason she couldn't understand.

Maya nodded, and Raven was whisked into the x-ray room in the ICU. It was bigger than most x-ray rooms she had been in. She thought back briefly to when she broke her wrist at age 9, but Maya's hands touched the side of her ribs, and she couldn't stop it—she screamed out in pain.

"Dr. Griffin!" Maya called out, alarmed.

Dr. Griffin raced inside, and Maya's eyes flitted from her back to Raven.

"I'll help you." Abby said, and turning her eyes to Raven, making sure the brunette and her had eye contact, said "But this will hurt."

* * *

 

By that time, Murphy had already gone operation. The paramedics had been right about his diagonisis. He had a punctured lung, caused by one of his broken ribs. The doctor had made an incision on his side, and stuck a tube into his lung to let the fluid out that was stopping him from breathing properly.

That's what they told him afterward of course, he was under anesthesia at the time.

He woke up in one of the curtained sections in the ICU, a breathing tube still supplying him with cold, stale oxygen. He was dressed in a hospital gown, and he could feel the rough gauze of medical wrapping enveloping his torso. He could breathe though, and that felt like a miracle in itself. Murphy would never take it for granted ever again.

He could hear a woman screaming in pain, and he winced as if they were hurting him. The sound of her pain was so raw, so vivid, so agonizing, that it was almost unbearable. He'd heard people dying before, but with every one of her yells tugged at some unknown part of him. He couldn't explain it, but he tried to. Murphy had nothing else to do but lie there in the hospital bed.

The yells stopped after a bit, and he felt his shoulders relax into the bed. They must've given her some morphine or something.

To his surprise, the doctor opened the curtains to his sectioned room of the ICU and wheeled someone in. She shot him an apologetic look, but continued to move the woman inside.

"I'm sorry. There's just no space. Do you mind sharing for a little bit?" the doctor asked him.

Seeing as this was the same doctor that had patched him up in the first place and got his lung to work properly again, he didn't really have the heart to say otherwise.

He nodded and the doctor and the nurse accommodated the woman on the right side of the small area. They moved a table and scooted his IV closer to his bed to make room for hers.

The woman turns her head to look at him, and a brief flash of recognition passes her eyes, but Dr. Griffin is begins talking before she could say anything to Murphy.

"We're going to take a closer look at the x-rays now. We'll be back in a few minutes to give you some options, okay?" Dr. Griffin said, leaning over her and squeezing her hand.

The woman nodded and watched Dr. Griffin exit the makeshift room, closing the curtain behind her.

"You're that cop." The woman said, her eyes boring into him. He could feel it even though he was facing forward.

He turned his head toward her, nodding because he wasn't sure if he could talk. He was scared it would hurt.

"What happened to you?" She asked.

Murphy swallowed thickly, and opened his mouth to speak. The least he could do was try to speak, and maybe if he couldn't, she'd leave the questions for later.

"Accident." He said, his voice sounding as if he was out of breath.

The woman pursed her lips. "Me too."

She examined his face, riddled with bandages and gauze, her eyes scanning the long wrap that went around his head where he'd impacted with the window of the police cruiser. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, her face was hard to read.

But she had a beautiful face, her skin a honey shade of olive. Her hair was long and dark, and even now, with the obvious look of pain on her features and the cuts from whatever accident she had been in, she was stunning.

Murphy had seen her back at the Chinese restaurant, but unlike Bellamy who had no shame or qualms about flirting openly, he was a little more reserved. He was aware that he wasn't handsome—not by the typical standards of girls anyways. He wasn't even charming. He was proficient in was sarcasm, though. But that had never been of much use unless the girl had the same kind of sense of humor as him, and by the looks of this girl, he didn't have much hope.

"Did you get hit by a gasoline truck by any chance?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

Murphy shook his head. "I hit one." He whispered.

She seemed to process this bit of information in her head, focusing on the tiles in the roof. They didn't speak for a few minutes. Murphy listened to heavy footfalls that passed by, and the hushed voices of rushed nurses flitting about.

"My name's Raven." She said, her voice cracking a bit.

He rolled her name on his tongue, saying it in his head before he responded. There was something about her, he thought to himself, and he knew he would exhaust whatever strength he had left trying to figure it out.

"Jonathan." He coughed, the back of his throat dry. "But you can call me Murphy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't disappear! I know this update took forever, but (if you've read my last Murven story) you know I'm really slow at the moment because of school and finals are coming up and everything is super crazy. But once the semester ends in like 3 weeks or so, I'll be free to do a lot more writing and hopefully update regurlarly.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and reviewing, though! You guys are awesome.
> 
> -Jarleene


	3. The Aftermath

_Baby I don't care..._ _Baby your love's got the best of me._

 

Raven listened to the steady breathing of the man lying a few feet from her for a long time. He was wheezing a little, but after having asked him if she should bring the nurse, he had assured her that it was fine—that he felt fine.

She wished she could say the same. While the shot of morphine they had given her had slightly dulled the pain, it hadn’t taken it away completely. In order to feel remotely comfortable, she had to stay perfectly still, something she wasn’t used to doing. Even the slightest shift of her legs would send a wave of blinding pain to her lower back, and that worried her. Scared her shitless, if she was going to be honest with herself. 

She ran through scenario after terrible scenario in her head. She pictured Dr. Griffin walking in and telling her that she was sorry. Raven could see how the woman would grab her hand sadly, and inform her that she would never walk again—that she had snapped her back in half, or something like that. It was all she could do to remain stoic. She didn’t want to cry.

The movement would hurt like a bitch.

So she focused instead on Murphy’s breathing. It was soothing, almost. He gave her the strangest feelings.

She turned her head slowly towards him, relieved at least that she could move that part of her body with minimal discomfort.

Murphy’s eyes were closed, his head lolling on his shoulder in her direction. His mouth was slightly open, which was where the wheezing sound was emanating from.

She examined his face, looking past the black and blue of his bruises. She focused on how his eyebrows were slightly furrowed in his sleep, and the striking slope of his nose. His jaw was sharp and his cheekbones high—His face was all angles.

There was something so attractive to her about him, and she wasn’t sure what.

It seemed silly. Here she was, crippled and awaiting news, and she was admiring a man she had met under the worst circumstances possible.

Murphy jerked in his sleep, and opened his eyes… or as much as he was able to anyways. He had a nasty shiner on his left eye, and she wondered if he could even see.

The corner of his lips twitched as he attempted a smile, but it was pained.

“Have you been watching me sleep?” He rasped.

Raven couldn’t tell if his tone was amused or annoyed, and she felt a hot blush creep up her neck.

“You’re the most interesting thing in here.” She said with a raise of her eyebrows, looking around their bare space.

Murphy snorted slightly. “Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

She turned her head away after that, trying to ignore the warmth that remained in her face after getting caught staring.

If anything, Murphy was a damn good distraction from her pain.

Raven heard the curtain rustling and braced herself mentally. She didn’t have to look up to know that the person that had just walked in was Dr. Griffin. She kept her gaze on the white tile roof, counting them. She wasn’t ready to hear what the doctor had to say yet.

Dr. Griffin cleared her throat and approached her bed.

“I have the findings from the x-rays, Miss Reyes.” She said.

Raven bit her bottom lip, nodding at her to continue.

“Would you like to be moved somewhere more private, so we can talk freely?” Dr. Griffin gave Murphy a quick side glance, but Raven shook her head. She didn’t care if he heard, because frankly, moving her was going to hurt a lot more than the hit her pride would take once they discussed her health.

“Very well,” Dr. Griffin sighed. “I have good news, and bad news. Which do you want first?”

“Bad.” Raven said quickly.

“The bad news is that you have a fracture in your L5 disk of your spine. This particular disk is the one that transmits signals to your legs, which explains the amount of pain you are in right now.”

Raven squeezed her eyes shut. “And what’s the good news?”

“The good news is that we can operate. I won’t be able to tell how much nerve damage the fracture has cost until afterwards though, but there’s a good chance you will retain function in your legs.”

“How much function?” Raven said.

Dr. Griffin chewed on the inside of her cheek for a few seconds before answering.

“I’m going to be honest with you. “ She said, and shook her head side to side slowly. “I don’t know. You could retain all function, and you could retain only a little. But I’ll tell you this. If you don’t operate, you will never walk again. At least, with the operation, you have a chance. You have hope.”

She squeezed Raven’s hand. “However, this is a risky operation. There is a possibility that even with the procedure you won’t have function in your legs. Your body could also reject the fusion we will have to place in your disk.”

“But ultimately Raven, this is _your_ life and _your_ decision. I’ll give you some time to think about it.” Dr. Griffin made a move to leave her, but Raven held on to her hand tightly.

“I don’t need time.  I’ve made my decision. I want to go ahead with the operation.”

Dr. Griffin nodded. “Very well. Is there an emergency contact you would like to be here, right now?”

Raven stayed silent. Besides Finn, she didn’t have anyone she could call. Even though she didn’t want to see him after the events that had unfolded, she knew she needed someone to be there.

“Finn Collins, his contact information should be in my insurance file.” She said.

Dr. Griffin smiled reassuringly at her. “I’ll make sure he’s reached. We will begin the preparations for surgery soon.”

With that, she turned and walked away, closing the curtain behind her. Raven blinked away the tears that had pooled in her eyes, but this time they weren’t tears of fear or pain. They were a kind of tear that she hadn’t shed in a long time—tears of loneliness.

She felt completely alone.

Yes, she would have Finn with her after the operation. But he had betrayed her. Finn had pushed aside her love, trust and friendship of over a decade. She didn’t get how he could do that. She could never do something like that to him; she would have never done so.

And yet after everything, she needed him. It made her feel weak.

“I knew it.” Murphy said, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Knew what?”

“I knew that you had a boyfriend.”

Raven turned her head towards him, watching as he sighed loudly.

“And how would you know something like that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know… You’re just…” He trailed off.

“Amazing? Yeah I know.” She joked, a sour note in her voice.

Murphy’s eyes lingered on her.

“Yeah… Something like that.”

The silence stretched between them after that. It’s tense for the first time since they officially met, which Raven considered to be strange seeing as they were thrown together in the ICU as total strangers. Shouldn’t have their silence been awkward from the start?

But it wasn’t, and that nagged at her.

Before she thoroughly thought through what we was going to say to break the silence, the word just tumbled out of her mouth on its own.

“Ex-boyfriend.” She said.

“What?”

“Finn’s my ex.”

Murphy considered her words, his wheezing outlining his every steady breath. He waited for her to continue.

“He cheated on me with my friend.”

“Crappy friend.”

Raven shook her head. “She didn’t know he was dating me too. I met her not too long ago, and we hadn’t gotten around to introducing our boyfriends.” 

“Why’d you tell the doctor to call him?” Murphy asked.

She let out a long a sigh. “There’s no one else.”

“That makes two of us.” He said, and she looked at him with wide-set eyes, but he didn’t offer any more information.

But she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want to know more about this man lying a few feet away from her.

* * *

 

 

When Bellamy awoke, the first thought that crossed his mind was that he was very, very sore.

He groaned as the haze in his head flooded away, and his eyes adjusted to the lighting inside the room he was in. He fished around in the side of his bed for the handheld remote, and pressed the button signaling for a nurse to enter his room.

He was thirsty, and wanted to drink some water (hopefully they wouldn’t have him munch on ice chips), but most of all he wanted to make sure that they hadn’t contacted Octavia.

She was overseas at the moment. Octavia had followed his footsteps and enlisted for military service, though she had picked the Army instead of the Marines, and was now stationed Afghanistan. She was nearing the end of her third year of enlistment, and though he worried about her every single day, he knew that she was doing something she wanted to do.

That she needed to do.

But he knew Octavia. He knew the second she knew something had happened to him she would ask for an emergency leave, and jump on the first plane that she could.

Bellamy didn’t want that. She would be worrying for nothing, since he was fine. A little banged up, but the doctors patched him up just fine.

And speaking of doctors, he couldn’t help but grin a little at the thought of the blonde woman from earlier.

He’s not given a lot of time to dwell on her though, since the nurse walked into his room at that moment.

“Mr. Blake, you’re awake.” She chuckled. “That rhymed.”

He recognized her as the nurse from earlier, the one that had been helping Dr. Jackson prep him for surgery before the blonde had entered the room.

“My name is Harper, in case you forgot. We put you under a lot of painkillers, so it’s okay if you did. I won’t take it personally.” She smiled warmly as she rolled in a small cart. “I figured you would be thirsty so I brought you some water.”

“You are the best.” He said, his voice scratchy and dry.

Harper poured him a cup of water from a light peach colored pitcher, and handed it to him.  BShe pressed a button in the remote of the bed to raise his back higher.

“Thanks.” Bellamy took a sip of water.

“No problem. Dr. Jackson is still here, would you like me to get him for you so he can explain to you the procedures you underwent in more detail, or would you like to get some rest and talk about it tomorrow?”

“The doctor is still here?” He arched his eyebrows, looking at the clock on the wall that read two in the morning.

Harper sighed. “It’s been a long night for all of us.”

“I can wait till tomorrow then, that’s not a problem. I have a few questions though.”

“Sure, what can I help you with?” She smiled.

“Was my sister notified of my accident?”

Harper scrunched her eyebrows. “I’m not sure, I’d have to ask. I can go now and let you know, if you want?”

“Yes, please.” Bellamy nodded.

Harper turned to leave, but Bellamy called her back into the room.

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you knew the name of the woman who helped Dr. Jackson with my surgery, I would like to thank her personally as well.”

“Oh yeah, that was Clarke. She’s a med student here on rotation. I’ll let her know to drop by tomorrow. She went home a little bit ago.” She waved a hand in the air as she explained. “Her mom, the head doctor of this hospital, Dr. Griffin, ordered all the med students to go home. They don’t get paid like the rest of us, so it was only fair they went home before the actual nurses and doctors.”

“Makes sense. Thank you for the water.”

“You’re welcome. Ring if you need anything.” She turned off the light in his room and wandered down the hallway.

Bellamy took a last slip of water before setting the empty cup on the adjoining table next to his bed. He lowered the back of the bed to a comfortable position for him to sleep, and he sighed.

Now she had a name.

 

* * *

 

Maya dug around in her purse for her car keys, waving with one hand to the remaining staff that lingered in the empty waiting room. She bid them goodnight, trying to stifle a yawn that snuck up on her, resulting in a few tired chuckles from the receptionist.

It was 3 in the morning after all.

She had been in the hospital for almost 18 hours, which was exhausting in itself. The fast pace and chaotic state of the past few hours had worn her out considerably, but she hadn’t even noticed she was exhausted until things calmed down.

By now, most of the patients that needed to stay overnight had been taken care of, and the others had long been discharged.

The desert breeze hit Maya in the face the moment she stepped through the doors of the hospital, which wasn’t doing much to help wake her up enough for her drive home.

Arizona summers were a funny thing. It could be over a hundred degrees in the middle of the day all the way to the peak hours of night, but at some point, these lazy cool breezes would whisk by you and you’d forget all about the sizzling heat of the day.

She sighed as she made her way to her old Toyota. It was a piece of crap, something her boyfriend reminded her off virtually every day, but it had been her mom’s. She and her dad couldn’t part with it.

She jumped about half a foot in a mixture of both surprise and fear when her boyfriend called out to her from behind.

“Geez, Jasper. What are you doing here?” She said turning around to face him.

“It’s late.” He replied, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her nose, to which Maya scrunched her nose.  “I couldn’t just leave my girl alone at these hours, especially with two loose criminals running around.”

“I’m sure they’re long gone by now.” She laid her head on his chest, enjoying the side-to-side swaying Jasper was doing.

“Can’t be too careful.” He said, burying his nose into her hair. “Especially with you.”

Maya looked up at him, noticing the hard glint in his eyes, and the tension in his jaw. “I guess it’s been a rough day for you too, huh?”

He nodded, giving her a tight lipped smile as he disentangled them. He held her hand, rocking it between them as they walked together into the parking lot.

“I’m going to drive you home.” He said, and Maya opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her. “Ah-ah-ah, I know what you’re going to say. But there’s no room for arguing. Your clunker will be here tomorrow morning, it’s not exactly an ideal getaway car.”

She laughed, not that Jasper noticed, since he had started on his rant.

“I mean, does that thing even reach 50 miles per hour? It doesn’t even have AC, which in the desert land that we live in is like a big problem. But not only that, only the windows in the driver and passenger seat are able to be cranked open, which can you say safety hazard? What if you rolled into a lake and the only way you could escape was through your backseat windows?”

“Then it’s a good thing my boyfriend’s a paramedic.” She laid her head on his shoulder as they approached his car.

“Not funny.” He said bumping his hip against hers. “But anyways,” he took in a long, deep breath. “I’m taking you home tonight. It’ll make me feel better knowing you’re safe.”

“I could have just texted you.” She smirked.

Jasper extracted his hand from hers and held it against his heart. “Ouch. I see how much I mean to you.”

Maya giggled and lightly punched his arm. “You’re just overprotective.”

His eyes widened in mock hurt, his mouth gasping dramatically. “Double ouch. Well fine, I was going to ask you to stay at my place tonight, but never mind!” He threw his hands up. “I’ll just text you a picture of the pancakes I was going to surprise you with in the morning.”

“No, wait!” Maya held on to his arm. “Are they legal pancakes?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, they’re _legal._ I only make the other ones on special occasions.” He stuck out his tongue at her and unlocked his car.

“I love your legal pancakes.”  Maya said as she walked around to the passenger’s side.

“And I love you.” He said as he got in the car, locking the doors with a push of a button.

Maya traced his jaw with her hands as he twisted the key in the ignition, wondering how the heck she got so lucky to have a boyfriend who loved her so much.

“I love you too, Jas.”

 

* * *

 

The minute Abby walked in through the doors of her house, all the mental and physical exhaustion of the day washed over her. It would have been overwhelming if she wasn’t used to it by now after twenty-some odd years.

Coming home to an empty house— _that_ she wasn’t used to.

But she pushed that thought aside as she wandered upstairs to her bedroom, the stairs already dimly lit with the impending sunrise. It wouldn’t be the first time she got home just as the sun was beginning to trace its path across the sky. That’s why she had great curtains and blinds to block it out.

She was just going to be home for a few hours anyways. She’d have just enough time for a quick shower and nap. Jackson had told her to stay home longer, but she wanted to be there when Raven awoke from her surgery.

She needed to be there with her when they assessed her for feeling and function.

It hadn’t been too complicated of a surgery, not with the tragedies she had seen before come from car accidents. It had taken a little under four hours, and Raven’s disk was repaired with titanium. She would be sore when she woke up, and Abby didn’t doubt now, after taking a better look at her spine during surgery, that Raven would retain function in her legs. The question was though, how much function. Though it hadn’t been a hard surgery, there had been a lot of nerve damage in the area.

Abby tried to shut that portion of information out of her mind as she showered. She didn’t take too long, seeing as she was too tired to linger underneath the hot water for long.

Just as she stepped out of the shower, her cell phone rang, and she sighed as she wrapped a towel around herself and walked into the bedroom. She grabbed her phone from where she had dropped it on the bed, and answered quickly once she saw who was calling.

“Hello Marcus.” She said as she walked to her dresser, looking for comfortable clothes to sleep in.

“Abby,” he said, his voice sounding equally tired as hers. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No you didn’t, I got home a little while ago.”

“Christ, I’ll cut to the chase then. I’m sure you need to go back to work soon too.” He said, and she could tell he was smiling through the phone.

“What’s up, Marcus?” She said as she put the phone on speaker  in order to get dressed.

“I just wanted to thank you. I hear you fixed up one of my men last night.”

“Ah,” she smiled softly. “The cop with the collapsed lung.”

“Officer Murphy, that would be him.” He sighed. “He’s one of the two officers involved in last night’s terrible crash.”

“I didn’t personally treat the other one,” Abby said, pulling a shirt over her head. “But I’d say Officer Murphy was very lucky. I had to do an emergency lumbar fusion on another person involved in that same car accident.”

“Innocent?”

“Yeah.”

She heard him curse, and Abby cocked her head in surprise that he wasn’t aware of all the accident details.

“Aren’t you the Chief of Police? Shouldn’t you know all this?”

“It’s been busy. I’ve been at the prison since the mutiny—I haven’t even gone into the office to look at the report. David took care of the accident, and let me know of my men’s welfare as soon as he got word.”

“Well like I said, Officer Murphy will be just fine. We’ll keep him in the hospital under observation for a few more days to make sure no more fluid enters his lungs, and then if all goes well he should rest at home for a couple of weeks, and after that he should be good for light duty.”

At this Kane laughed earnestly. “Light duty? Neither of my men in the hospital know the meaning of that.”

“Well, be sure to explain it to them then.” Abby yawned, not bothering to stifle it over the phone.

“You must be exhausted. I only really called to thank you, Abby.”

“No need, it’s my job.”

“Still,” he said, his voice lowered to a whisper “thank you.”

* * *

 

The tick tock of the wall clock was driving Raven almost absolutely crazy when paired with Finn’s sad eyes boring into her from his spot beside hers. She half-regretted having the hospital call him already, but at least her anger at him directed her away from thinking about the operation she had just underwent.

“You’re going to be fine, Raven.” Finn leaned over and laid his hand over hers, his thumb drawing soft circles on her knuckles.

She jerked her hand away. The mere thought of the fact that those hands had touched another woman disgusted her. Never mind the fact that the woman had been Clarke; it was more about the act than the person.

She didn’t want him touching her, especially in such an intimate way. Raven hadn’t had time to let her anger boil over yet, and Finn was feeling it in its entirety.

“Raven,” Finn said, moving his hand to rest on the railing of the bed.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She said, a note of finality present in her voice.

“We’re going to have to talk about it eventually.”

“Eventually, but _not now_.”

That seemed to satisfy him, and he leaned back in his chair, giving her a little bit more space to breathe. He checked his phone, and she saw him texting someone from her peripheral vision. Thinking back to the past few months, she had noticed he had been on his phone a lot more often than not when they were together… She had never thought to ask him who he was texting, always attributing it to a friend or classmate of his.

Now she had a pretty good idea that he had probably been texting Clarke.

Or maybe even other women. Raven had no idea if there had been trysts with women before Clarke.

Maybe it was old fashioned thinking, or just her living in a fairytale—but she had really thought Finn was it for her. He had been her first everything, and she thought she had been his too. And to be fair, she could still have been, but Raven hadn’t been his last.

Now with her surgery and the repercussions of the accident, she wondered briefly if he would still be it for her. It’s not like there were many guys lining up at the door that wanted to date a cripple.

_But I’m not a cripple yet, the doctor hasn’t come in to speak with me._

She turned her head towards Finn, who was now eyeing the closed door intently. She traced her eyes down the familiar planes of his face. His hair had grown almost too long for her tastes.  He hadn’t let her cut his hair in the past month.

“Finn?” she said.

“Yes, Raven?” He turned quickly to her, leaning forward in his chair.

“What if she gives me bad news?”

Finn took a deep breath and shrugged. “Then we’ll deal with it. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m scared.”

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He repeated, and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

But it did nothing to calm her. She didn’t want to hear he was there, she _knew_ that. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to hear instead though.

She mainly felt strange… and lost.

Raven thought back to the stranger she had shared a room with in the ICU. Was she crazy to? Maybe she was, a little. After all she had known Murphy for only a few hours, and she had felt…

Different, somehow.

She wondered how he was doing, and if they had moved him from the ICU.

“Moved who?” Finn asked, his brows furrowed as he turned his eyes back to her.

“What?”

“You were just saying something.”

“Just thinking aloud.” Raven said, and Finn nodded.

They didn’t say anything else for a while, and the silence that followed was awkward. Raven watched the clock hand move, her breaths separated by each of its ticks.

Finn cleared his throat. “Who were you thinking about?” He said, trying to sound casual.

“Someone.”

“Do I know them?”

“No.” She sighed. “Can we just please go back to not talking? I think I liked that better.”

“Fine.” He said, in that tone of voice she knew _oh so well_ that in fact meant it was not fine.

But at this point she didn’t care.

She only cared about two things.

One, the outcome of her surgery.

And two was Murphy. She couldn’t explain it, and she was already done trying to.

She basically had no idea who he was—even if he was a good person or not. She barely remembered what his face looked like underneath the bruises of the accident, after all she had only seen him briefly at the restaurant.  

Raven knew at this point she wasn’t ready to just jump into another guy’s arms—she was stronger than that. But she just knew that it wouldn’t be like that with them. She wasn’t looking for a replacement for Finn, he was still most likely going to be in her life in one way or another. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted with Murphy.

But one thing she knew for sure, and that was that she was going to get through whatever it was that was thrown in front of her. She would pick herself back up again, even if she had to do it alone.

                                                                                                                                                                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!  
> I know it's been so so so so so so long since an update, but after finals things got a little crazy and I went out of the country for my cousin's graduation and didn't have any internet for the majority of my stay :(  
> Then I got back to the US for a DAY and unpacked and packed again to leave the country AGAIN for a family vacation.  
> (I went to Canada and it was great lol saw the falls, had some wine etc.)  
> But I am back now, and have been working to crank this chapter out!  
> I'm not sure what direction I'm taking this, I mean I have an idea, but I'm still playing around with some characters and stuff. I have to get through the heavy stuff of Raven's recovery (both physically and emotionally) before I can have some really cute Murven fluff which I'm totally excited to write.  
> Hopefully you guys are still reading, lol and if you are, feel free to leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts/ideas you'd like to see. I'd love to hear some!  
> -Jarleene


	4. The Argument

_Baby you're making a fool of me._

 

Murphy’s breakfast arrived in a small blue bottle that the nurse left at his bedside table around nine in the morning.

He looks at the Ensure with disdain, already mentally cursing the soft diet that the nutritionist had put him in. He had thought that “soft” diet had meant something more along the lines of oatmeal or even a goddamned bowl of apple sauce. Protein shakes weren’t his thing—they were more suited for Bellamy, who made his own heavy concoctions at home to bring to work.

But he was starving, and his head was already throbbing at the lack of caffeine, so he reached over and twisted open the bottle. He brought it to his lips to take a tentative sip, and was pleased that the taste turned out to be not so bad after all. It was actually pretty good, kind of like melted vanilla ice cream. Still though, it was more the type of thing he would drink as a snack and not an actual meal.

And it sure as hell wasn’t coffee.

He downed his breakfast within minutes, his stomach feeling less hollow. He tried to shift his body to make himself more comfortable, but the soreness in his chest and mid-back made it difficult. He heard the curtain to his area in the ICU open, and he glanced up to see a tired-looking nurse.

“Good morning Mr. Murphy. How are you feeling?” She said.

“Where’s Doctor Griffin?” He grumbled.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “She won’t be seeing you until later in the day. I’m supposed to transfer you out of the ICU seeing as you’re feeling better.”

“How do you know I’m feeling better?”

“Your lack of manners—which I’m assuming comes with your usual sunny personality.” She retorted, a slight smirk on her lips.

He couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “Well I never said my nickname was Mr. Sunshine.”

The nurse smiled at him kindly before pulling in a wheelchair into the room. “I’m warning you now, moving isn’t going to be pleasant. However, it should only feel uncomfortable. If there’s any shooting pain or a burning feeling, you need to tell me right away.”

Murphy nodded, and the nurse lowered the safety bars on his bed. With her help, he was able to turn his body, his legs dangling over the edge of the bed. She pushed the wheelchair as close as she could to the bed and on a count of three, she helped him onto it.

He gritted his teeth at the soreness, but thankfully, no pain or burning. It just kind of felt like he had worked out too hard the day before.

“Once we get you to your new room, I’ll go about changing your bandages for you.” The nurse said, transferring the IV bag onto the back of the wheelchair.

He sighed, but nodded.

She wheeled him down the sparse hallway, pressing a button to keep the doors that led out of the ICU open. He concentrated on the white tile of the floor, trying to open his left eye as much as he could. He knew he must have a horrible black eye—couldn’t know for sure, since he hadn’t seen himself in the mirror, but it sure felt that way.

They turned into a brightly lit corridor, the hum of the overhead light loud against the stark silence. All he could hear were the soft footfalls of his nurse, and his own ragged breathing.

At least that was what he could only hear at first.

As they approached a certain room, he could hear sobbing. He couldn’t tell from which door it was coming from, but it was there clear as day. Muffled, heart-wrenching sobs that pulled at him in a way he couldn’t describe.

Then there was a bit of yelling, and now it was clear that the voices were coming from a little bit further down the hall.

One of the doors open, and out stumbled a guy with long brown hair wearing a deep frown. He stuck his head inside the room.

“You can’t just shut me out, you _need_ me.” He said.

“Fuck you Finn.” Said a familiar voice, and something inside Murphy’s head clicked.

_Raven_.

The girl from the ICU.

His nurse wheeled him past her room, and he couldn’t help staring at the guy standing outside it, one hand pushing his hair back. The guy caught him looking and narrowed his eyes.

“Mind your own business.” He spat, his voice so arrogant and self-righteous that it made Murphy’s jaw tense. He had opened his mouth to say something back to him, but the guy had stomped down the corridor towards the hospital exit before he could.

And it was suddenly that Murphy realized exactly who this guy was. He was the kind of guy to charm the pants out of girls, the boy next door type. He was the guy girls wanted to bring home to their parents, and the kind parents loved. The kind of guy that was all smiles and romantic gestures until shit hit the fan, and that’s when you really got to know them. He was probably even studying a grand profession, like medicine or law.

Murphy hated guys like him.

And this one, _Finn_ , as she called him, was an idiot for cheating on his girlfriend. He seriously didn’t know how good he had it. He had met Raven for a few hours in what was probably both of their physical conditions ever and he already knew she was… well, different.

“Here we are. Home sweet home for the next few days.” His nurse said as she pulled into an empty room.

The space was divided by a curtain, and the sounds of a machine beeping told him that he had a roommate behind it.

She wheeled him close to the bed, and started lowering the rungs on the bed so that she could transfer him. But he wasn’t ready to leave the chair yet.

“Wait,” he said as she moved towards him. “I’d like to stay in the chair for a while.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, Mr. Murphy. I have to change your bandages, and you need to rest as much as possible.”

“Please?” He looked up at her, his eyebrows scrunching.

The nurse rested her hands on her wide hips and sighed. “Okay, but only if you tell me why.”

Murphy scrambled to put an answer together that she would like, because he obviously couldn’t tell her the truth.

“I can’t stand staying in one position for too long. It makes me anxious.” He shrugged.

“You? Anxious?” The nurse looked down at him pointedly.

He shrugged again. “I’m a cop. If I could stay still for long periods of time I would’ve studied accounting.”

She snorted a laugh. “What’s wrong with accounting?”

“Nothing—great pay, it’s a heck of a lot safer than my job…” he said. “It’s just a little boring.”

The nurse considered his answer, and sighed, humming as she let her breath out. “Fine—15 minutes. I’ll be back then to change your bandages and help you up onto the bed.” She laid his record file in the cubby by the door.

“But just for the record, Mr. Murphy. My brother’s an accountant.” She said with a small smile as she stood in the doorway, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Patient man.” He said.

“Polite too, you could learn a thing or two from him.” She teased, running a hand through her grey-streaked hair.

Murphy smirked, and listened to her footsteps on the linoleum, waiting until they were nothing but a soft whisper. With a grunt, he wheeled himself to peek out the door, and satisfied at finding the corridor empty, he pushed himself outside. He glanced over his shoulder to memorize his room number, after all there was no use in getting lost on his way back.

He counted the doorways in between her room and his, and when he arrived at her door (or what he hoped was her door, he should have looked at the number of her room earlier), he opened the door slowly.

“Finn, I told you to leave me alone.”

Yeah, he was definitely at the right door.

Murphy cleared his throat, wheeling himself halfway inside and ignoring the slight cramping in his arms caused by the short trek from his room.

“Not Finn. Can I come in?” He said.

Her mouth gaped slightly, and she quickly wiped her face. “Murphy? What are you doing here?”

He took that as a cue to come all the way in, watching as she smoothed back her loose brown hair.

“Just taking a stroll.” He said nonchalantly.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“Rest is for the weak.” He said, slightly out of breath as he got closer to her bed, lining his wheelchair next to it.

Raven shook her head, laying her head back onto the mound of pillows behind her. She bit her lip, and he could see the pool of tears in her brown eyes threatening to fall once again.

“We are the weak.” She said, her voice hitching.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment Dr. Griffin had ran those white spiked wheels over the soles of her bare feet was the moment her worst fear had come true.

She had asked her if she was running both wheels at the same time, and when her words penetrated the heavy silence, she had heard Finn curse under his breath.

Dr. Griffin had remained eerily calm, running the contraption over her right leg to make sure that she had full feeling all throughout. Raven did. But when she switched over to the left foot, the wheel rolling back and forth over her sole, her toes, her ankle… She had to bite her lip to prevent her from having an emotional outburst.

The only reason she knew where Dr. Griffin was rolling the spikes on her skin was because she was watching her.

She had no feeling below mid-thigh.

Finn had reached over to wrap his arms around him as she let hot, angry tears run down her face. Dr. Griffin had left not soon after that, knowing that Raven needed some time alone to come to terms with her newfound disability.

Finn, however, hadn’t understood that.

She asked him to leave her alone for a few hours.

He said he would, and things would have been fine if he had just left it at that. But he hadn’t. He had to be an asshole about it and start making future plans for them—for her.

Within a few minutes he had decided that she would move in with him, that he’d start to make his apartment more _accessible for her_. He was already talking about getting her one of those nice electric wheelchairs, and that’s when she _just lost it._

She yelled at him to get out and to go fuck himself because he had to be absolutely insane if he thought she would be moving in with him after what she had discovered the previous night.

“Raven, babe. I thought we were past that.” He had said, his voice still calm which pissed her off more than she could imagine.

“ _Past that?_ Finn that happened less than 24 hours ago. I’m not over it, and I don’t think I will be for a long time.”

“You’re going to have to be, Raven. You _need_ me.”

“I don’t need jack shit.” She had said, turning her face away from him. “Get the fuck out of here right now, Finn.”

“Raven—”

“I said. Get. Out.”

Finn had left the room, thankfully. But not before he shouted from outside the room that she needed him, that she couldn’t just shut him out.

And he was partly right. She couldn’t just shut him out, but he was wrong by saying she needed him.

Finn, unfortunately, was still like family to her. The closest thing she actually had, and she knew that while things were impossible messed up right now for her, that eventually she would come to forgive him for cheating on her.

But she wouldn’t ever go back to him.

That decision had been made when she had run away from his apartment last night.

And then after all that, in comes a man she didn’t think she would see again, wheeling himself in like it was the most natural thing in the world to come check up on her.

He had the pretense of just getting away from his room for a while, he said it was too stuffy for his own tastes, but she knew what he was doing.

The question was, did she like what he was doing? She practically berated Finn for worrying about her.

_But he’s not Finn_ , a small voice in her head said, like somehow that made a difference.

It did.

Before she could stop herself, Raven ended up telling him everything. From what happened before the accident all the way until that very moment. It was just so easy. He didn’t interrupt her, didn’t ask her how she felt about things, didn’t tell her everything would be alright. He just listened.

When she said all she felt she needed to, she raised her eyes to meet his, who were concentrated on hers. His face was stony, eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I probably said more than you wanted to know.” Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She was aware she had rambled on for a long time.

“No, don’t be sorry.” He shook his head.

“What are you thinking?”

“Well, for one your ex is an idiot.” He grumbled.

“You said that last night.” She smiled sadly.

“Now I know that it’s really true.” He ran a hand through his uncombed hair. “If it makes you feel any better, I would gladly switch places with you.”

Raven barked a harsh laugh. “Really? Why the hell would you want to switch places with a cripple?” She grimaced, rolling her eyes.

He shrugged. “I don’t need to have a reason. I just would.”

She felt her blood start to boil, inexplicably simmering within her as she carefully searched for the next words to say that wouldn’t sound too snarky for the almost-stranger. But realistically speaking, being tactful didn’t exactly come naturally to her.

“Yeah? Maybe you’d change your mind after you see the contraption I’m going to need if I ever want to stand on my own two feet again. In fact, the stupid thing might not even work.”

Murphy remained silent for a few seconds after that. He seemed to be running something over in his mind, because when he did speak, he did it cautiously. “The stupid thing meaning the brace, or your leg?” he said, his brow furrowed.

Raven narrowed her eyes at him as if he had grown a third head. “The brace, idiot. My leg obviously doesn’t work.”

“I’m not an idiot, I was just asking.” He retorted.

“Well don’t ask stupid questions.” She rested her head back on her pillows with a huff. “Besides, what kind of person asks a cripple if their legs work.”

“Can you stop calling yourself that?” Murphy sighed. “It’s like you’re just wallowing in self-pity.” He shook his head, and the next words that came out of his mouth were dripping with so much sarcasm, that it pushed Raven over the edge. “Would you like me to _hug_ you and tell you that everything is going to be okay?”

“Excuse me?” Raven couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had just been told she had lost almost all feeling in her left leg. She had a right to be both upset and pessimistic.

“You heard me.” He pushed himself away from her bed. “Look I get it. I know it fucking sucks, okay? But things could have gone a lot worse. You could be dead right now— _We could be dead right now._ But we’re not, and you’re not bound to a wheelchair.”

“Yet.” She said under her breath.

“Cut the crap, Raven. If the doctor told you that you have hope, then you fucking _have_ hope, alright? Stop acting like you got your leg cut off.”

She was really pissed at this point, and she wanted to punch him in those same angles and planes of his face that she had been admiring last night. “You’re an asshole. Why don’t you get out and leave me the fuck alone like everyone else? I don’t even know why you came.”

Murphy bit his lip to avoid saying something he might regret and instead started to wheel himself out. Raven wasn’t done talking with him though, and it was clear she wanted to have the last word.

“You know, you don’t have the right to judge me. You don’t even know me, Murphy.” She said, her tone low and venomous.

He pulled open the door to her room, and looked at her over his shoulder.

“I thought I wanted to.”

 

* * *

 

 

Bellamy clicked through the channels of the TV in front of him, but daytime TV was something he’d never really enjoyed. He thought it all useless programming, most of it just men and women hitting each other upside the head and revealing who was their child’s father and blah blah blah…

Brainless stuff that really irked at him because people actually loved this stuff. He settled for Family Feud, which while entertaining, he still found a little dumb. The concept of asking 100 people to relate phrases with popular words and having families on the show battle each other to guess them could sometimes make him laugh, but he’d kill to be able to watch the History Channel instead. Heck, he’d even take TLC at this point.

He had been chewing at his cheek when a knock on his open door frame caught his attention. He turned his head away from the TV, his eyes widening slightly in surprise as he took in the blonde figure standing in the hallway.

“Princess.”

“My name’s Clarke.” She said, an amused look in her eyes. “Harper said you wanted to see me.”

“Harper?” He said slowly, trying to remember who she was.

“Your nurse?” She raised an eyebrow, and pointed to the dry erase board by the wall. Harper’s name was up there as his assigned nurse, along with the meds he was supposed to be taking and the type of diet the hospital had him in.

“Oh, yeah. I asked her to get you last night, but you had already left.”

“This morning.” She smirked.

He looked at her in confusion, but once her words sank in, he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Of course you’d get technical about it.”

Clarke leaned against the doorframe, and crossed her arms over her chest, her purple scrubs bunching up. She watched him with a piercing gaze, her blue eyes burning a hot trail up and down his body as she examined him.

“Why princess?” She said.

Bellamy smiled. “Why, would you prefer Queen? Your highness?” He sighed audibly, tucking his good arm underneath his head.

Clarke snorted. “C’mon. I fixed you up. Be honest with me. You’ve been calling me princess since you hit on me at the Chinese restaurant.”

“And got rejected.” He placed a palm over his chest. “Which still hurts.”

She walked into the room, pushing a chair closer to his bed. She sat down and crossed her legs. “So are you going to tell me or not?”

She blinked at him, her face a mask of patience. She really wasn’t going anywhere until he told her, but he’d figured he could use it to his advantage—keep her around a little while longer. If anything, maybe she’d tire him enough to fall back asleep until Harper came back with more painkillers. He wouldn’t have to watch any more daytime TV than he wanted to.

But of course, just the thought of her tiring him out led his mind down the gutter, and he had to clear his throat to get his head back on straight. The one on his shoulders of course, the other one had a mind of his own.

“Why does it bother you so much? It’s just a nickname. It could mean nothing.” He shrugged, and stifled a laugh when she rolled her eyes again. Princess had quite the attitude.

“Yeah, the way you say it there’s no way it doesn’t mean something.”

“Is that so?” he drawled, pleased when he saw a flush appear on her cheeks. So he did have an effect on her. That was good to know.

“Well, you know.” She stuttered, shifting her gaze towards her lap as she blushed scarlet. “Why don’t you just tell me?”

“Say please.” He raised his eyebrows.

Her chest rose and fell as she sighed loudly. “Fine. Please?” Clarke said, looking at him expectantly.

“Alright.” He nodded, licking his bottom lip as he grinned wolfishly at her. “Since you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you. You just look like one.”

“Really? That’s it?” She huffed.

“Yeah, you got that long blonde hair, the blue eyes. You’re a real Cinderella.” He said, and Clarke laughed.

“Except I’m not exactly the person you’d call to clean your house.” She smiled, her blue eyes shining.

“Nah, you just fix broken bones and stuff, right?” He winked.

Something seemed to click in Clarke’s mind all of the sudden, because she leaned forward in her chair humming like she just remembered she needed to tell him something important.

“I forgot to tell you.” She brushed a few stray blonde hairs from her face. “Harper got a hold of your sister. She told me to tell you that your sister will probably be here sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

“What?!” Bellamy shot up, wincing as he hit his cast on the edge of the bed railing.

“Yeah, Harper told me you wanted them to reach her last night, so she looked up your emergency contact info and tracked her down.” Clarke’s smile faltered. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Bellamy shook his head, rubbing at his forehead. He cursed under his breath. “No, that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want her finding out. That’s why I asked the nurse last night if they had reached her. God…. _Fuck_.”

“Are you and your sister on bad terms or something?” Her brow furrowed.

“No, not really. She just—My sister—” He groaned. “It’s complicated. She’s stationed abroad, I didn’t want her to get distracted. I know what it’s like.”

“You were in the military?”

“Marines, 4 years. I would’ve done a second tour, but my mom died right before I re-enlisted and I needed to take care of my 16-year-old sister.” He took a deep breath. “O’s going to _freak_ when she sees me.”

“At least you’re doing pretty well. Your partner almost didn’t make it.”

Bellamy’s head turned at the mention of Murphy. “What happened to him? I lost him after the patrol car flipped and they took me away on the ambulance.”

“One of his lungs got punctured; it filled up with fluid and he had to have surgery. No broken bones though, just a killer concussion.” She winced. “Well maybe not killer, but—”

“Yeah, poor choice of words Princess.”

“He’ll be fine. As long as he takes it easy, which I heard from the other nurses he hasn’t been doing.”

Bellamy’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Apparently he and some other patient got into a fight earlier. All the nurses on their floor have been gossiping about it.”

“They don’t have anything better to do?” He said. Only Murphy could pick a fight in a hospital. Dude needed to learn some manners.

“They even have a bet going on.” Clarke said, laughing a little.

“What’s the bet?”

“How soon they’ll get into a fight again. They’re like down the hall from each other. Word is that your partner snuck down there, wheelchair and all to see her. But it obviously didn’t turn out very well.”

Bellamy shook his head, an exasperated look crossing his face. “Yeah, Murphy’s a real Casanova.” He said, causing Clarke to snort out a laugh.

He found out he really liked making her laugh.

“My mom is making me visit the girl today. I’ll probably go there right after I leave you.” She pursed her lips, looking down at the floor.

“Your mom?”

“Yeah, Dr. Griffin? She’s kind of the boss around here.”  She said, her voice flat.

“Wow. Guess I got the princess nickname down pat without trying.” He smirked when she pushed his shoulder. “But why is she making you see her? Don’t you have your own rounds to do?”

Clarke shrugged. “Who knows? The girl has a minor paralysis from an accident. She probably just wants me to look at her medical files and such.”

Bellamy hummed, nodding along but not necessarily agreeing with her. “You have many girlfriends?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, and he rolled his eyes. “I mean, friends that are girls? Get your mind out of the gutter, princess.”

“Most of the girlfriends I have work with me at the hospital. I’ve already seen them today, so it’s unlikely that I know the girl in the room.” She said, following his train of thought without further clarification. “The only one I haven’t spoken to is my friend Raven, and I don’t think we’re friends anymore.” She sucked in her bottom lip, her eyes guarded.

“Why’s that?”

Clarke didn’t answer, but instead looked at the clock on the wall. “That is a story for another day, Mr. Blake.” She said, standing up. He was fine with that though. That meant he had an excuse to see her again, which he very much wanted to do.

“Officer Blake to you.” He winked.

“Fine. _Officer_ Blake. If you excuse me, I have to go clock in now.” She said, her white sneakers making soft footfalls on the tile floor as she made her way to the door.

“When can I see you again?” He said, not caring at all how cliché the words sounded tumbling from his mouth.

Clarke smirked, the little _she-devil_ , and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a big hospital. I might not have a lot of time on my hands.”

“Is that so?” He chuckled, enjoying the challenge that she was proving to be. “Something tells me you can spare a few minutes one of these days.”

“Maybe. I guess we’ll see. In the meantime, don’t follow your partner’s footsteps. Be nice.” She said, pointing an accusatory finger at him as she playfully squinted her eyes and walked away.

He rested his head against the pillows of the bed, and when he turned his attention back to the TV screen, he realized how screwed he was.

Clarke Griffin was going to kill him, he was sure of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The road to Murven isn't going to be a smooth one, guys! Not in this story. That's all I will disclose about the future chapters ;)
> 
> But in the meantime, hoped you enjoyed some cute early stage Bellarke. :)
> 
> \- Jarleene


	5. The Reality

_You got me sprung and I don't care who sees._

 

Clarke nearly bumped headfirst into her mother while walking down the empty hospital corridor in the direction of the coffee machine. She sidestepped her at the last minute, apologizing without changing course. Her mother called after her though, and Clarke was forced to suppress a sigh before turning back toward her mother.

“I need to speak to you.” Her mother said, her tone grave.

“Fine. Can we talk on the way to the coffee machine?” Clarke said, gesturing with her thumb.

“This isn’t that kind of conversation, honey.”

Clarke looked at her mom squarely before letting out an exasperated breath and rubbing at her temples. “Whatever. Let me just get a cup of coffee first.”

She turned on her heel, not bothering to look if her mother was following her. Of course she was, and Clarke would deal with her in a second, but she hadn’t been lying when she said she needed caffeine.

Clarke was exhausted—in every sense of the word. The previous night had been so hectic, and the surgery she assisted in wore her out. Putting Bellamy’s leg back together had been harder than putting together a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. The whole thing had just been _gnarly._ There wasn’t another word to describe it.

He had unintentionally occupied most of her thoughts as she tossed and turned in her mattress at the peak early hours of the morning. Her mother had sent away all of the medical students at precisely two in the morning, and most had left eagerly. But Clarke hadn’t wanted to leave, _she couldn’t just leave_ , but her mother had practically all but kicked her out of the hospital. She had even gone so far as to walk Clarke out, and there was nothing more awkward than uncomfortable side-by-side silence.

Her relationship with her mother was complicated, at best.

Clarke inserted the dollar bill into the coffee vending machine, the swish of the cup being dispensed into its metal holder a welcoming sight. She watched idly as the machine filled the cup with mediocre coffee, but she wasn’t complaining. It did the job.

She pressed on a black lid from the counter besides the coffee machine, without pouring in cream or sugar. She leaned on the counter and shrugged to her mother as if to say to get on with it.

“Do you remember the patient I told you I wanted you to see?” Her mother said, her words cautious.

“Yeah. What about them?”

“I don’t want you to see them for a medical reason.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, blowing into her coffee to cool the scalding liquid.

Abby cleared her throat, chewing on her cheek. “You know the patient, Clarke.”

“Who?” Clarke grasped the coffee cup in both hands, panic rising up her throat. It could be anybody.

“Your friend, the mechanic. Raven Reyes.” Abby said.

The cup fell from Clarke’s hands, the burning dark liquid spreading on the white tile as her mom jumped back to avoid getting burned.

“Oh my god, Clarke. Are you okay? Are you burned?” Her mother pulled her away from the mess, looking her over to see if she had been burned, her hand squeezing her forearm almost painfully.

“I’m fine.” Clarke stuttered, her eyes still wide from the shock. Raven? Raven was the one her mother had been operating on until late? “I just—I can’t believe it.”

Her mother called out to a passing nurse to get the janitor to clean Clarke’s mess, and Clarke took that split second to get away from her mother and make her way to the hospital ward.

Thankfully her mother hadn’t felt the need to follow her, and so she got on the elevator swiftly. Her heart hammered in her chest and all she could think about was the last time she had seen Raven. After they had both found out the hard way that they were dating the same guy. Raven had been yelling and pushing Finn off her while she had stood still in his living room after throwing her glass of red wine onto his carpet.

God, she had been so angry too—just watching Finn try to reason with Raven about how he was doing nothing wrong. She had been so disgusted. After Raven left, Finn had tried to convince Clarke to stay, but she had pushed him out of the way and left. She had run down the hallway and down the stairs trying to see if she could flag her friend down, but by the time she had reached the parking lot Raven was revving her engine and fleeing in her truck.

And then Finn had come after her, asking her to let him explain—telling her how much he loved her and that he had been meaning to break up with Raven.

“How do you tell someone you’ve been in a relationship with for almost eight years that you’re no longer in love with them?” He had said, pleading her with his eyes to understand.

“How do you stop loving someone that meant that much to you?” Clarke had replied, turning her back on him and heading to her car. He couldn’t get a word in after that because she had received a phone call from her mother about the situation at the hospital.

Everything after that was pretty much irrelevant.

And right now, Clarke wasn’t even sure where she was headed. She couldn’t see Raven now, she wasn’t ready to. Raven wouldn’t want to see her anyways. Clarke started to hyperventilate in the elevator, grasping the metal support bars to keep herself upright. She couldn’t handle it.

The guilt that she felt at the pit of her stomach was weighing her down.

If she hadn’t come over to Finn’s apartment last night, none of this would have happened. If she hadn’t insisted on seeing him more often, none of this would have happened. If she hadn’t met Finn, none of this would have happened. If she hadn’t moved back into town, none of this would have happened.

Raven wouldn’t be handicapped, Finn never would have cheated, and everything would be a thousand times better.

The brunt of the outcome of all the series of events that led Clarke to that specific moment, to heaving gasping breaths in an unmoving elevator without knowing what floor to go to but wanting to just _go somewhere_ hit her like a bullet to the gut.

Without giving it another thought, she pressed the button to the main floor. She steadied herself as the elevator descended, the humming sound of machinery lulling her into a tentative calm. All that disappeared though, when the doors opened and the one person besides Raven she didn’t want to see at that particular moment in time stood in front of her.

She tried to close the doors, but he was faster and his hand snuck in to stop them.

She sucked in a breath as she walked past him. If going back up was not an option, than going out was her only option. She heard his footsteps follow close behind her, and she inwardly rolled her eyes. There had been a time where his persistence had been one of the things she liked most about him.

Now not so much.

Didn’t he understand that she needed space? That she needed to think about everything? Wasn’t she at least allowed that small mercy?

Apparently not, seeing as he followed her all the way to the hospital’s cafeteria.

She stopped in front of one of the refrigerated drink displays and idly looked through its selection. She wasn’t really thirsty, but she needed something to concentrate on so that she wouldn’t blow up at Finn.

“Clarke, can we talk?” He said, and she risked a look at his face. His eyes were pleading, and she had to suppress a groan.

“Finn, I need time, okay? I need to think.”

Finn’s eyes widened, an almost crazed look in their bloodshot rims. “Time to think about what? I made a mistake. I should’ve ended things with Raven a long time ago.”

Clarke only shook her head, and he took her hands in his. “I meant everything I ever told you.” He said.

“Everything?” Clarke said, her voice quiet. “That’s a lie. I was never the only one on your mind.”

“I love you, Clarke.” Finn said, pulling her closer to him, her closed hands resting on his chest. “I love Raven too, but _I’m in love with you._ ”

Clarke disentangled herself briskly. “I need time, Finn. Things are complicated now, more than before.” She said, the meaning of her words clear to both of them.

“I’ll still be there for Raven, but _I_ _need to be with you_.”

“And what about what Raven needs?” She pushed past him, and he didn’t follow.

* * *

 

Raven’s stomach was still in knots from her encounter with Murphy earlier that morning. Deep down, she knew he had been right—she had been fishing for pity, and that was unlike her. She was strong, didn’t put up with anyone’s shit, and she had always been resilient.

She would get through this, of that she was sure. But the thought that their argument could be the only lasting impression Murphy would have of her stung. She wanted to prove him wrong, but even if she had accepted that he was right, it still didn’t beat the fact that she was _exhausted._

She was in a weird half state, where she was aching to go to sleep so she could regain some of her lost strength, but her mind was up and running away with thoughts that wouldn’t let her succumb to sleep.

Raven thought of Finn, of her leg, of how she could live an independent life after this… Of the man somewhere in this hospital that had seen through her newfound problems, if only just briefly.

Though she had long since stopped crying, the paths her tears had taken as they rolled down her face felt sticky and uncomfortable. She wanted to wash them away, and her eyes flitted to the half open door to the bathroom about 10 feet away.

She took a deep breath as she sat up from the bed. She reached around to the side of the bed and lowered the guard rails. Slowly, she pivoted her body so her feet dangled over the edge. She had to manually move her left leg, but she had expected that so it didn’t come to her as such a shock. It pained her to see how quickly she was accepting her new condition.

Swallowing, she grasped the edge of the bed, her knuckles white as she held on to the lowered metal bars. Her right foot touched tile first, and in a sort of hopping motion, she was upright. She laid her left foot tentatively on the ground, but it didn’t do her much good because she still felt as if she was floating on one leg.

Using the bed for balance, she started to cross the length of the room. But the bed was only so wide and then there was nothing to support her. She felt her balance sway, and she braced herself for the fall she felt coming. She gasped as she landed heavily on her left hip.

 _That she could definitely feel,_ she thought bitterly, wincing at the sharp pain.

She pushed her arms against the floor in a vain attempt to get up, but her upper body strength wasn’t the best. She pushed until her face was red and she felt beads of sweat gather at her hairline, used her right leg to try to get herself upright. It almost worked, but as soon as she was almost up again, her legs betrayed her and she fell right back down, this time on her tailbone.

She cried out, frustrated, feeling the hot onslaught of tears gather in her eyes. She felt useless.

Raven pushed her right leg up to her chest, and moved her left leg to mirror its counterpart. She laced her arms over her knees, ignoring the fact that she could feel her elbow laying over only one of her knees.

She tried to push back the thought that she had become half of the person she used to be in less than 24 hours.

And that was how Dr. Griffin found her. Sitting on the floor quietly facing the still half open bathroom door, her hospital robe slightly open in the back exposing her spine, a peek of her bandage above the small of her back blooming with spots of crimson.

“Raven!” She crossed the room quickly, and helped the brunette up. She started to steer her back to her bed, asking her what happened, but Raven pointed at the bathroom, stopping her in her tracks.

“I just want to wash my face.” Raven said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I think you’ve torn your stitches. You should’ve called for assistance.” Abby squeezed her shoulders lightly, trying once again to bring her back to bed.

But Raven shrugged out of her grasp, using the edge of the bed for support. “I want to wash my face.”

Abby pursed her lips. “Tell you what, we can wash your face—”

“ _I_ want to wash my face.” Raven interrupted.

“ _You_ can wash your face, but afterwards, I’m going to check your stitches.” Abby rubbed her shoulders in smooth, reassuring circles. “Does that sound good?”

Raven nodded, and slowly, they made their way to the bathroom together. Abby held her steady by her shoulders, and watched as Raven splashed water on her face. She would rub at her face, and look back up at the mirror, before repeating the process all over again.

Splash water, rub face, look up.

She did that numerous times until Dr. Griffin handed her a soft towel to dry her face.

“What are you trying to wash out, Raven?”

Raven steeled her hands against the basin of the sink, looking at Dr. Griffin through the mirror. “The last 24 hours.”

The older woman said nothing, but pulled her away from the basin and back into the direction of the hospital room. Raven wasn’t quite used to the way her left leg dragged useless behind her as they moved across the room, and she wondered if she ever would be.

Dr. Griffin carefully helped her sit down on the bed. “I’m going to fetch a wheelchair, and then I’m taking you somewhere I can check your stitches properly.”

Raven waited as the doctor did just that, and before long she was being wheeled down the hallway. She wasn’t uncomfortable by the silence that enveloped them, but she could tell Dr. Griffin was.

It wasn’t long before she broke the silence, but the words that tumbled out of her mouth were unexpected.

“Has Clarke been by to see you?”

Raven blinked up at her as she craned her head to look back. “Clarke? How do you know Clarke?”

Abby smiled close-lipped. “She’s my daughter.” She said, with a hint of sadness.

“How did you know I know Clarke?”

“Clarke showed me a picture a while ago. Last night, I knew I recognized you from somewhere, but I wasn’t sure where. Ark is a small town, so I didn’t think much of it.” Abby said as they rounded a corner. “Do you know her boyfriend, Finn, too?”

Something panged inside Raven, a falling feeling overtaking her gut. “Sort of.” She managed to whisper.

“He’s a good guy—has a bright future ahead of him. My daughter and I, as you probably know, are not that close.” Dr. Griffin sighed. “But it’s nice to know someone is watching out for her.”

“Yeah, she’s lucky.” Raven said.

No matter how painful the accident had been for her, the throbbing feeling of loss that Finn had left in his wake was greater. She could feel it everywhere.

Even in the limb she could no longer move.

 

* * *

 

 

It turned out Raven’s stitches were fine. They had bled a little with her fall, but Dr. Griffin had told her it was nothing to worry about, among other things she said.

Without even wanting to, the good doctor had told her exactly how Clarke and Finn had met.

Eight _fucking_ months ago.

They had run into each other on New Year’s Eve in the local convenience store. Finn had been buying beer for the small gathering him and Raven were having with a few of his law school friends, and Clarke was picking up snacks for herself and her mother to eat while watching the ball drop from their living room. Abby had told her how Finn had immediately asked for her number, and how he and Clarke had gone out to dinner the week after.

And the rest had been history.

Raven didn’t have the heart to tell her that after her daughter’s prized boyfriend had asked for her number, he had come straight home to her. How they danced the night away and got drunk off a few rounds of beer pong before clumsily making out as the ball dropped in New York City.

Nothing between Finn and her had ever been perfect, but he, _not once in eight months_ , gave her any indication that he was unhappy, or that he was seeing someone else. Or maybe, she was just blind—maybe she just didn’t want to see it and so when he cancelled plans last minute, or called off on them moving together, she just made excuses.

_I just can’t live with you right now, Raven. Your messes and mine don’t really blend well. Once I get out of law school, okay?_

_You’re right, Finn. I guess grease and nice suits don’t really blend well._

_Well not right now, but in the future. I promise._

She was so stupid.

That conversation had been running in her mind all afternoon, even after she had dozed off after dinner. By now, it was dark outside, but her room was still bathed in shades of blue, a trademark nighttime hospital lighting. She could hear the hum of the light of the hallway, her door still open.

Finn hadn’t come back to see her since that morning, and though she would never admit it, she felt slightly disappointed. A part of her wondered if he was with Clarke.

Who also hadn’t been by to see her.

Clarke had no excuse for not coming, she worked in the damn hospital.

The least she could have done was drop by and see her. Raven was pissed at her, but deep down she knew it wasn’t Clarke’s fault. She hadn’t known Finn had been cheating on her either. She was hurt that she hadn’t even texted. A police officer had come by earlier in the day to give her a box of personal items they were able to salvage from the wreck, and among them had been her phone.

No missed calls or texts.

They had also found the silver necklace Finn had given to her for her 18th birthday. It was a miniature bird in flight, and Finn had said it was a raven—hence why he had gotten it for her. She had rarely taken it off, but last night she had practically tore it from her neck after she fled his apartment.

She had it in her hands now, fingers tracing the details on the raven’s wings. Ravens, despite not being the kind of bird that commonly traveled in large flocks, still were very loyal to their families.

Despite everything, Finn was still family. She couldn’t bear to throw that away.

Raven eyed the pair of crutches Dr. Griffin had laid by the chair besides her bed. She wasn’t sure it if was because the loneliness was starting to creep into her bones, or because she wanted to make things right with a certain someone, but she felt herself disconnect her IV tube from the needle in her arm. She was itching (literally) to remove the needle as well, but thought better of it. The nurse would just put it back in when she saw it was missing in the morning, and IV needles hurt.

She shifted her body, and positioned the crutches underneath her arms. Raven stood, uncertainty clear in her body language. She took cautious steps, but they were awkward. She had never used crutches before.

They dug into the sensitive part of her underarm, and her shoulders hurt after just a few feet of walking, but at least she could get around. It was just something she would have to get used to.

 _Something to get used to_.

Raven repeated that phrase like a mantra as she exited her room. Thankfully, the corridor was empty. Only the hushed voices of faraway nurses could be heard, and they weren’t paying attention to who was in the hallway. If they had been, they would have listened to Raven’s mismatched footfalls and known it wasn’t a doctor or nurse walking the hallway at this hour.

She wasn’t sure what room he was in, but he must’ve come from one close by. He couldn’t had wheeled himself far.

So she looked into each room with an open door as she went down the corridor. It wasn’t that difficult, as more doors were closed than open. The first open door she peeked her head inside of had a sleeping elderly woman inside, and the second had been empty.

In the third, she could hear his familiar wheezing breath, and she knew she was right where she was supposed to be.

His face was still striking in the darkness, despite the oxygen tubes in his nose and the bandage around his head. Like this morning, his face was devoid of blood, but the purple bruising against the alabaster of his skin had the same effect.

She had bruises too, and a split lip that marred her face considerably, but her bruises blended better into her olive skin than his, and there weren’t that many compared to him.

Raven hobbled onto the chair besides his bed, and wondered briefly if she should just let him sleep. She laid her crutches gently against the wall, trying to be quiet. He did have a roommate after all snoring a few feet from where she was.

She leaned forward in her chair, placing her hand on top of his. His hand twitched, his pinky finger bobbing upward. Murphy groaned, a sound low in his throat that sounded foreign to her ears.

Foreign, but not wholly unpleasant.

His eyes blinked repeatedly as he awoke, and Raven was pleased when his eyes slightly widened at the sight of her. She squeezed his hand, which only seemed to confuse him further.

“I thought we fought.” He said, his voice groggy.

“We did.” Raven cocked her head to the side as she looked at him. “I can be pretty temperamental.”

“Is that code for ‘I have anger management issues’?” He whispered, a small smirk on his lips.

Raven rolled her eyes. “No, it’s me apologizing. But don’t get used to it. I don’t admit I’m wrong very often.”

“I’m guessing that’s because it rarely happens?” He whispered with a note of faux annoyance.

“You learn fast.”

Raven bit her lip as his fingers curled around her hand. It felt so natural, but even so Raven pulled her hand away slowly, as to not offend him. It was still too soon.

Murphy didn’t seem to be hurt by her pulling away, and he stayed silent as he waited for her to say something else.

She chewed on her cheek as she sighed quietly. Without a word she just nodded.

“What?” He asked.

“I’m ready.” She said.

“Ready?”

Raven nodded again, and leaned forward so that she was resting her elbows on the mattress of his bed. “I’m ready to keep fighting. I’m not going to let this stop me.”

Murphy searched her eyes, his blue eyes iridescent in the darkness. “Good.” He said simply. “You have it in you, Raven.”

Raven’s lips turned up slightly, “I do, don’t I?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't 100% happy with this chapter (which is why it probably took a little longer than the others to get up), but I finally reached a consensus with it. It might not have been the easiest to write, but I think it was a necessary one. Not much Murven or Bellarke in this one, but that's because they're still both dealing with Finn and I want to show that transition.  
> Also, I'm pretty sure that if this actually happened, Clarke would totally avoid Raven for a few days so she could get her head on straight, as opposed to Raven who would just have rather faced her head on.  
> Thanks for sticking with me guys! You guys are the bomb-dot-com!  
> -Jarleene


	6. The Wheel

_Cause baby you got me._

 

Bellamy heard Octavia before he saw her.

He was eating his lunch when a faraway commotion caught his attention, his turkey club halfway to his mouth. He put the sandwich down slowly, and listened as the noise got closer and closer to his room. He kept his door open out of habit by now, half out of hope that Clarke would come visit him. But she hadn’t come since that one time two days ago, and he was starting to think that she wouldn’t come again. She was probably just being polite by visiting him after his operation, and he had asked for her after all.

And just as he was about to lose interest in whatever was happening out in the hall, he heard a voice so familiar he could pick it out in a crowd full of strangers.

“I just want to see my brother, _why the hell_ do I need to sign in?” Octavia said, her words loud and clipped.

He winced at his sister’s tone. Obviously the Army was doing wonders to her amicability. He always thought she should have joined the Marines instead, like him. His quips about her choice of branch were always in jest though, that was just something all military branches ragged on each other about. It was natural for him to think his was best.

But still, his sister needed to relearn her manners. He thought he had raised her better than that.

His small degree of annoyance disappeared when he saw his baby sister though. He hadn’t seen her in almost a year, and God she still looked the same. It always took him by surprise. He wasn’t sure why he expected her to look completely different each time they saw each other.

Octavia barged into the room like a tropical storm, his nurse Harper right on her heels. Her long brown hair was pulled away from her face and wrapped in a tight bun, which allowed Bellamy to better see the panic in her green eyes as they took him in.

“O, I’m fine.” Is the first thing that came out of his mouth.

“Jesus Bellamy, _you look terrible_.” Is the first thing that came out of hers.

He laughed, and Octavia waved away Harper who lingered by the door uncertainly. Octavia straightened her light brown t-shirt over her camouflage pants and sat down in the seat by Bellamy’s bed.

“Well it’s nice to see you too.” Bellamy said, all the while Octavia just scanned his injuries with sharp eyes and shook her head. He nodded his head to Harper to let her know everything was fine, and she took her leave swiftly, not wanting to get in the middle of the two siblings.

“What the hell happened?” She said.

“There was an accident.”

Octavia made an indignant sound at the back of her throat. “That’s not what I meant. What happened?” She leaned forward in her chair. “Why didn’t you call me sooner? I tried to get here as fast as I could, but I would have been here sooner if you had been the one to tell me about the accident. You know how to reach me quickly—the hospital doesn’t.”  She crossed her arms. “So why didn’t you call me?”

“Of course. I almost die and you’re pissed at me.”

“Hell yeah, I’m pissed.”

Bellamy took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. “I didn’t want you to worry. I know things are really difficult right now for you, and I didn’t want to add more stress on you.”

“Bell, things are always stressful over there. What makes me more stressed is knowing that my brother is in the hospital after being in some freak accident, and didn’t tell me.” Octavia leaned over to wrap her arms around him. “What if you had died? What would I have done?”

“You have Lincoln. You don’t need me anymore.” He joked, to which Octavia replied with a stinging slap to the back of his head.

Bellamy rubbed at the spot she had smacked him in, and startled slightly when she kissed his forehead.

“Lincoln will never replace you, big brother.” She said in an unusually quiet voice.

He was about to reply when a haze of blonde hair and blue scrubs appeared at the door, and he cursed her timing. She hadn’t been by to see him at all for two days and she decided to show up at that particular moment? Couldn’t she have come a little bit earlier? He was with his sister now.

Clarke stopped abruptly in her tracks when she caught sight of Octavia. Her blue eyes widened in surprise, but recovered quickly as she made her way over to both of them.

“So this is the elusive sister you didn’t want us to call?” Clarke said, her voice attempting to be lighthearted, but Bellamy inwardly winced at her choice of words.

Octavia narrowed her eyes at Bellamy, meaning that they would continue their talk later about the subject, and turned to Clarke, her scowl still in place.

“Yes, I’m Octavia.” She said. “Who are you?”

“ _Octavia._ ”  Bellamy warned, sitting up straighter in his bed.

“What? She’s a stranger.” Octavia rolled her eyes at her brother. She started at Clarke with an impatient look. “Do you have to change his IV or something? Or can whatever it is you came here to do wait? I haven’t seen my brother since last Christmas.”

Clarke simply raised her eyebrows, and a warning bell rang inside Bellamy’s head. He didn’t know the princess very well, but he was aware of her sass, and that coupled with Octavia’s rudeness was probably not the best recipe for peace.

“I’m not a stranger Octavia. I know parts of your brother pretty well at this point.”

Octavia’s jaw dropped, and despite himself, Bellamy flushed. He knew she didn’t mean the way the way it came out (or maybe she did), but just the thought of it had him blushing like a middle school girl. God, he was so screwed.

Clarke walked up to Octavia and extended her hand, her lips curled upwards. “Clarke Griffin. I helped put your brother’s bones back together.”

Octavia looked at Clarke’s hand, her mouth still a little agape, but slowly she smiled and took her hand. “Octavia Blake. Thanks for fixing my brother up.”

“I only helped.” Clarke replied, shaking her head. “Dr. Jackson did most of the work.”

“Lies.” Bellamy called out from behind both of them. “Clarke’s practically a doctor already.”

The blonde just rolled her eyes and leaned closer to Octavia in order to whisper in her ear. “He’s just saying that because he has a crush on me.”

Octavia laughed, giving Clarke a look that said she believed her.

“I heard that.” Bellamy groaned, and both girls giggled at his expense.

“Well I won’t take more of your time with your brother. I only wanted to see how he was doing. Dr. Jackson tells me you’re heading home tomorrow?” Clarke said.

Bellamy sighed and nodded. “Affirmative, princess. You’re running out of time to tell me your long story.”

“You remembered?” She asked.

“I did. I guess  that means you’ll owe me a coffee?” Bellamy was aware he was pushing his luck, Clarke might only be interested in him for professional or friendly reasons, but friends could have coffee.

Clarke pushed her tongue against her cheek as she smiled. “We’ll see about that Officer Blake.” She started exiting the room. “Nice to meet you Octavia.”

“Likewise.” Octavia said, and the two waved at each other before Clarke left the room.

 Bellamy braced himself as his sister gasped a surprised laugh, her green eyes wide and glinting as she made indecent hand gestures that no big brother should ever see his baby sister do, especially when in regard to his own love life. But that was Octavia, her mind was constantly in the gutter.

“You are so screwed.” She said laughing. “ _I like her._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

Dusk seeped into Murphy’s room as he laid in his hospital bed, bored out of his mind. His roommate was busy snoring the day away, as he had the past few days. He was an elderly man, and besides the odd family member or two, he hadn’t had many visitors in the past couple of days. Though he felt a little bad for the man, the selfish part of Murphy was glad that there wasn’t a family reunion every day less than 5 feet from him.

It would have just emphasized the fact that he virtually had no one to go visit him. Miller, one of his friends from the station had dropped by the previous day, but he had always been closer to Bellamy than Murphy, and so his visit had felt more like a formality.

In truth, Murphy didn’t have many friends. Bellamy, sure, they worked together—they had even been roommates for a while when he started on the police force. But aside from him, Murphy liked to be alone. He didn’t always know how to act in social situations, and often preferred just to spend some quiet time on his own. He liked the privacy. It was something that he hadn’t had a whole lot of growing up, and now as an adult he treasured those times where he _could just be_.

But right at that moment, he would kill to have _something happen._ Hospitals, in his opinion, had always been the most dreadful places. Stressful for those who worked in it, terrible for those dying in it, and dull for those recovering in it.

Murphy was counting down the days until he could go home. His nurse, Martha, had told him that if all went well, he could be discharged by Wednesday. Three days, that’s all he had to get through.

Raven came by each day for a little while, and that was the only time Murphy wasn’t dying of boredom. She had actually been advised to be mobile, so she had permission to walk up and down the halls as she pleased. They considered it part of her therapy.

Which was why he wasn’t surprised when he heard a soft knock on his doorframe. Her familiar face peeked inside, and she gave him a low wave with one of her crutches.

“You know, you’re supposed to be walking up and down the halls. It’s your daily exercise.” He said, his trademark smirk appearing on his face as she rolled her eyes at him.

“Shut up, Jonathan. There’s only so many times I can do that before I want to start tearing my hair out.” She said, the clacking noise of her crutches loud as she made her way to the chair besides his bed.

“For the last time, don’t call me Jonathan.” He said, jabbing an index finger in the air to make his point. “Also, don’t tear your hair out. I hear the psych ward of this place is like The Sixth Sense.”

“Relax.” She said as she plopped down on the chair. “I’m not going to get admitted to the Sky Box. I don’t see dead people or anything, _Jonathan_.” She saw him open his mouth to protest at her use of his first name, and held up a hand to stop him. “If you call me by my first name, then I’m going to use yours. That’s what normal people do.”

“To be fair, I don’t know your last name. So I couldn’t call you by it even if I wanted to.”

Raven took a long breath, brushing back a few strands away from her face. She smacked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “It’s Reyes.”

Murphy raised an eyebrow. “You’re Hispanic?”

“ _Is that a problem_?”

He simply grinned, the corners of his lips turning down at the same time. “No problem at all, _Reyes_.”

“What did you think I was?” She asked.

“Native American? Navajo maybe?” He said, and Raven giggled (She’d been doing that a lot more the past few days. He liked making her laugh.) “I mean, we do live in Arizona.” Murphy shrugged.

“Well, I’m only half-Hispanic.” She looked around his room, and noticed his television was off. “Ew, have you been staring at the ceiling for fun or something? How can you stand it?”

“I’ve actually been waiting for you. You’re the highlight of my day.” He said sarcastically, holding both of his hands to his heart.

“If your face didn’t already look like a bruised peach, I would hit you for being annoying.” Raven said.

Murphy scoffed. He knew she could probably kick his ass, but he didn’t think would ever. They could bicker back and forth all day and he knew she wouldn’t hit him. Well, maybe. She did punch his shoulder hard yesterday after he made a comment about how her hospital robe wasn’t doing her any favors. He might have teased her about having the body of a 12-year old boy, so he definitely deserved the punch.

“What time is it?” Raven said suddenly, craning her head to look at the digital clock behind him. “Oh, it’s 6:00! Turn on the TV to channel 9!”

He dug around the sheets tucked around his legs, searching for the remote.

“Hurry!” Raven urged, and he shot her a look that told her to calm down.

He turned on the TV, switching channels until he put on the one she wanted. Cheesy music droned out of the speakers, and Murphy rolled his eyes.

“Wheel of Fortune? Really, Reyes?”

Raven seemed unfazed by his tone, and she shrugged her shoulders. “I like it.” She tried to scoot herself closer to Murphy’s bed to get a better look at the tiny TV on the countertop in front. “They gave you a crappy room. My room has a flat-screen.” She said, and after a particularly loud snore from Murphy’s elderly companion, she added “And I don’t have a roommate.”

“Guess you got lucky then.” Murphy sighed. He was used to the old man’s snoring by now, and seeing as he spent most of his time either sleeping or reading on his phone that Miller had brought him (not that he would tell her that), he didn’t really care about the size of his TV. He noticed her tense frame as she tried to get a better view of the screen, and inwardly groaned at what he was going to do next.

“Do you want to come up here with me?” He said, and Raven looked at him in surprise.

“You mean up on the bed with you?”

“Sure, I can make space for your bony ass.”

Raven narrowed her eyes, a slight smile on her lips. “My ass is _not bony_.” She stood up, and used the railing on the bed to pull herself closer.

Murphy sat upright, ignoring the way the position pulled at his stitches. He lowered the guard rails, and between the both of them, Raven was pulled up into the bed. He scooted to the far side of the bed, and Raven accommodated herself in the space he made. Her immobile leg still hung out of the bed, and he watched as she pulled it into a straight-legged position. She leaned over and pulled up the railings, to which he gave her a weird look.

“I don’t want to fall.” She said in response. “This way, even if you push me, I won’t roll off.”

“You think I would push you?” He said with raised eyebrows.

“You might after you realize how annoying I can get when I watch Wheel of Fortune.” She said, only half-kidding.

Murphy’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What? Do you know the answer to every puzzle or something and shout it out and get angry when the contestants don’t get it?”

“Exactly.”

“I was joking.”

But he found out soon enough, she definitely wasn’t. He had never seen someone get so riled up over Wheel of Fortune, and Murphy caught himself on multiple occasions watching her instead of the TV. He kind of liked the way she pumped her arm in the air when she guessed the word puzzle correctly (which was like 90% of the time). She got really competitive with him over nothing. He hardly had any interest in the show, but she would still come up with silly bets over who could guess the puzzle first. Because of those silly bets, he now owed her his next dessert jell-o. He watched as she laughed crudely when a poor contestant spun the wheel and they got bankrupt, and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Her laugh was contagious—he hadn’t heard her laugh like that since he knew her, and he wondered if that day was the first time she truly laughed. He found himself chuckling a little too. He had to remind her his roommate was sleeping a few times, and she asked if when had he ever thought about being polite, to which he replied by tugging on her ponytail playfully. She got a little too loud during the Bonus Round, and she had to clamp her fingers over her mouth to stifle her laughs as his roommate snored loudly in his sleep and produced another sort of ungodly sound that neither of them could identify.

When the show ended, he turned his head to see Raven leaning back on his bed, a soft smile still spread over her lips. She felt his eyes on her and elbowed him gently.

“You’re staring.” Raven said.

Murphy shook his head rapidly, trying to shake the thoughts that had flooded his head just a minute ago. It was uncharacteristic of him to have them. His mind had never worked like that.

He was about to say something snarky back to her, when someone cleared their throat from the doorway. Murphy lifted his eyes away from Raven and groaned when he saw who it was. He wasn’t alone in his dismay. The laughter that he had seen in Raven’s face was gone the minute she spotted Finn. Now she just looked tired.

“Hi Finn.” She said, sitting up straight on the bed.

Finn looked at her as if she’d grown a third head, his body leaning on the doorway and arms crossed. “What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Making a mistake.”

Murphy scoffed. Who the hell did this guy think he was? “Excuse you, asshole.”

Raven placed a hand on his thigh. “Not now, Jonathan.”

Finn’s eyes trailed down to her hand, which she quickly removed to Murphy’s disdain, and his face became stony. “So is this the new replacement? Are you trying to get back at me? You know, I would have never pegged you as a girl to screw around in a hospital.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Finn, get your head out of your ass. He and I are just friends, but even if we weren’t, it would absolutely be none of your business. You gave up that right when you cheated on me.”

“Oh God, not this crap again.” Finn rubbed at his temples. “Raven, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. But right now we have bigger problems to work on. You can’t just leave your room whenever you want. You need to rest.”

“Funny, I wasn’t aware you were a doctor. _My actual doctor_ recommended I get used to walking around again.”

“Why?” Finn shrugged. “What’s the point? You’ll get a wheelchair when you get discharged from this place.”

Raven narrowed her eyes, and it took all of Murphy’s self-control to not jump out the bed and knock the bastard’s face inside out. How the hell could he stand there and say that to her? Murphy could admit he generally was an asshole, but c’mon. You just didn’t say stuff like that to people, even he knew that.

But his words didn’t even seem to faze her. She had probably heard them before.

“You are aware I can move one of my legs?” She said. “I’m not an invalid. I can do things myself, I don’t need you around all the time treating me like I’m dying. In fact, I don’t need you. I’ve been doing just fine the last couple of days without you.”

“Yeah? Who are you going to call then to help you? _Your mom?_ ”

 The mood in the air changed. He felt Raven tense beside him, as if all of her muscles had been pulled taut by a string in Finn’s hand. She got unnervingly quiet, and Murphy stared Finn down. He was sure that if he could see his own face, his eyes would reflect nothing short of murder. He had thought Finn was a terrible person, and to be honest Murphy had no idea what was going on with Raven and her mom, but whatever it was shut her down like he’d never seen someone do so.

Raven lowered the guard rails, and maneuvered her body so that she could reach the crutches she had laid beside the bed on the wall. Finn didn’t come over to help her. He had an unreadable look in his face—Murphy hoped it was guilt.

Raven didn’t even look back at Murphy as she hopped away on her crutches, passing by Finn on the doorway with a cold brush of her shoulders. He watched as Finn’s eyes followed her down the hallway, mildly annoyed that he didn’t leave also.

“Don’t take it personally, man.” Finn said, shrugging his shoulders. “She’s not exactly emotionally available. And she definitely doesn’t need anyone getting in her mess right now.”

With that he left, leaving Murphy with an acidic taste in his mouth and an anger so livid he could barely see straight. His fingers were digging into his palms, his nails leaving imprints as he tightened his fists. He counted backwards from ten, the picture of bashing Finn’s head against the wall fading more and more into a choice he didn’t have to make instead of an impulse he couldn’t control.

* * *

 

 

The heat smacked Octavia in the face the moment she left the air conditioned hospital building. Night had fallen, and thankfully the temperature wasn’t up in the 100’s like it had been when her plane landed earlier that day, but Jesus it was still so hot.

She had planned to stay the night with Bellamy, but he had insisted she go home and rest. He knew she was exhausted, and sleeping in a chair would do _wonders_ for her jet-lag. Bellamy saw it in her eyes when she was nodding off in the early afternoon shortly after Clarke’s visit. Octavia didn’t really want to leave her brother, but the idea of going home and sleeping in her own bed was too tempting. There was never anything like sleeping in your own bed after being away for months.

She dug out her phone from her pocket to send a quick text to her boyfriend, Lincoln.

**Have good day, babe. I miss you already. Don’t let the squad get too soft without me to kick their asses. I love you. – O**

He would be waking up in a few to start with his physical training, which will be a _bitch_ to catch up on when she gets back. You skip out on a few days of training and you’ll be paying for it for weeks to come.

Her phone alerted her of a message as she started making her way to the bus stop in front of the hospital.

**Hope your brother is ok. – L**

She sighed. Bellamy’s accident literally happened in the worst timing possible. As much as she loved her boyfriend, things hadn’t been exactly smooth between them for the last couple of months. It just seemed as if they were starting to drift apart, and that Lincoln had started keeping secrets from her. She was worried what the week away would do to their relationship. She made a mental note to skype him at some point in the next 24 hours.

Octavia sat down on the bus bench, stretching out her legs in front of her. She laid her duffel bag on the space beside her. The bus usually passed by every half hour or so she remembered. She could wait.

“Is that Octavia Blake I see?” She heard a familiar voice exclaim from behind.

She craned her head around with a wide grin, hopping off the bus bench to jump into his arms.

“Jasper! Oh my gosh it’s been so long!”

He wrapped his arms around her to support her weight, laughing. “I thought for sure you’d forgotten about us, little people.” He lowered Octavia back onto the floor. “It’s been like what, 2 years?”

She chuckled. “About. I came home for Christmas last year, but I was only here for a few days.”

“Oh yeah, I heard. I wasn’t in town that weekend. My folks wanted to celebrate the holidays up in this big fancy ski lodge with my girlfriend’s family.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Girlfriend? Has Jasper Jordan finally acquired _game_?” She gasped mockingly.

Jasper rolled his eyes and pushed away her face. “I’ve _always_ had swagger _,_ thank you very much.”

“So what are you doing here? Do you work here? Is Monty with you?”

“We’re both paramedics now. But I’m not working tonight. Well technically—we’re always on call, but I’m not active right now. I actually came here to drop off my girlfriend for her shift.”

“She’s a nurse or something?”

“Med student. She’s doing a night rotation tonight.” He said, bobbing his head up and down. He noticed her duffel bag on the bus bench. “Hey, do you need a ride home? I don’t mind dropping you off.”

“I would love a ride.” Octavia said. “You know how much I hate public transportation.” She grabbed her bag off the bench.

“Great, my car’s just over there.” He signaled back toward the parking lot.

On the way there, they kept up the easy flowing conversation. He asked how her brother was doing, how long she would be staying in town, how were things in her base. Talking to Jasper had always been easy. He had been one of her closest friends in Ark, and yes everyone knew he had the biggest crush on her, but Octavia never let it stop her from just being herself with him. Jasper, Monty and her had been the tightest of thieves. They had been her best friends growing up, but when she left for the Army, they drifted apart. It was hard to keep in touch.

When they got the car, Jasper went around to hold the door open for her, and she smiled.

“Wow, it’s like prom all over again. Except your car is way nicer now than it was back then.” She joked.

“Hey dad’s old clunker got us to the banquet hall, okay? Stop complaining.” He said, walking back to the driver’s side.

“Bellamy totally chewed you out that night.” Octavia said, remembering how her brother had opened the door with a rifle, and how Jasper had almost dropped her corsage at his feet with how terrified he was.

“Your brother still scares the shit out of me.” Jasper laughed, turning on the car. “Every time I’m driving and I see a police cruiser on the side of the road, I go like 20 miles under the speed limit, just on the off chance it's him.”

“He always liked you though.” Octavia lowered down the windows, knowing that Jasper liked the fresh air regardless of the heat.

“Guess that’s why I’m still alive.” Jasper pulled out of the parking lot, the gravel crunching underneath the car’s wheels.  “Hey, are you hungry?”

“Jack and Jill’s?” Octavia said excitedly, referring to the old diner by their former high school.

“Greasy burgers and strawberry milkshakes, it is.”

She squealed, and he realized that despite her camo pants and the way her long hair was wrapped up tightly in a bun, Octavia was still the same girl he had known all his life. Said bun was probably not going to be in place for long though, seeing as she was pulling her pins out.

“You know, now you can tell me all about this girlfriend of yours. I hope I can meet her before I go back.” She shook out her hair, a few strands hitting Jasper in the face, and he really hoped she could meet Maya too. Even if Octavia had gone under the radar, she was still very important to him. And what could be better than two of the most important women in his life getting to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter for the slightly longer wait! Let me know what you thought about it :)
> 
> \- Jarleene


	7. The Papers

_I look and stare so deep in your eyes._

 

Murphy didn’t see Raven again for the next few days.

It made him uncomfortable, restless. He found himself tossing and turning in his sleep, which was extremely difficult to do in the hospital bed. Each day that passed he was more and more on edge. He couldn’t explain it, and it honestly made him feel like he was nuts, because he had only known Raven for a week.

Maybe he was. Or maybe Raven had wormed her way into his head with her Wheel of Fortune obsession and innate stubbornness that radiated off of her in waves. Things had been weird the last time they saw each other, but he thought for sure she would come back the next day.

She didn’t.

And he was left waiting—all day. Nobody came in.

He did get a call from Bellamy on his cell phone, and they talked for a while. He knew Bellamy would have come to see him if he could, but with literally one half of his body in a cast, that was easier said than done. The thought was what counted though, right? Bellamy was his closest friend, maybe even his _best_ friend, but Murphy always felt a little weird calling him that. He hadn’t called someone his best friend for a long time.

They had met each other during police boot camp a few years back when Murphy first entered the police force. Both of them had been pretty serious, and they tended to stick together because of that. Granted, they had been serious for different reasons. Bellamy was trying to get a better job to support his little sister, and Murphy was trying to get his life together.

Growing up, he would have never thought he would become a cop as an adult. He never even thought he would make it long enough to be an adult. But he did.

He was stuffing the last of his few belongings into a duffel bag when Miller entered the room. He nodded in acknowledgement to him, zipping his bag closed.

“Ready?” Miller said, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

“I’ll be out in five minutes if you want to pull up your car to the front of the hospital.” Murphy said.

“Sounds good.” Miller smiled tightlipped at him before backtracking out into the hallway.

Technically, he was Bellamy’s friend. They hung out together solely by association. He knew Bellamy had asked Miller for the favor. Murphy didn’t have anyone else to pick him up from the hospital—his car was still at the police station.

Miller was an alright guy, good cop too. Murphy just wasn’t good at making friends.

His gaze flickered to the nightstand beside the bed. It was almost barren except for a sealed cup of red Jell-o. He had saved it from that morning’s breakfast, had specifically asked for it. He owed it to her.

He gathered his duffel bag from the bed, the pull of his stitches complaining when he tried to sling it over his bag as he would normally do. He would have to settle for just holding it in one hand by the shorter straps.

He swiped the Jell-o from the nightstand and exited the room. Some nurses smiled politely at him as he made his way to Raven’s room, and others didn’t bother to hide their scowls. He hadn’t exactly been a popular patient—cranky, rude, and he had little regards to their orders.

The door to her room was closed, and Murphy wondered if she was even there anymore. Maybe they had transferred her to a different hospital. That would explain the radio silence on her part.

He knocked tentatively on the door, and he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or hurt to hear her familiar voice call from inside to come in. Probably a little of both.

Raven was propped up in bed, holding a packet of papers in her hand as she chewed on the end of a pen. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of him.

“Murphy? What are you doing here?” She said, laying the papers on her lap. The hospital robe drooped off her shoulder and she quickly pulled it back up. The bruising on her face was almost gone, there were only a few traces of pallid yellow left behind, but somehow she looked worse. She looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes.

“I seem to remember that I owed you this.” He held the cup of gelatin in the air, and she let out a soft chuckle.

“You remembered.”

He shrugged, and approached the bed, laying the cup on her nightstand. “What do you have there?”

“Finn wants me to sue.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Murphy nodded slowly. He had suspected something like this would probably happen. “And what do you want?”

Raven didn’t answer at first. She sucked on her bottom lip, staring at the bare wall in front of her. “I’m not sure. I don’t even know who I would sue.” She turned her head to stare at Murphy with a square look. “The gas truck company? It wasn’t their fault their vehicle was stolen. The prison? One of the escaped criminals was the one that hit me. The police? You guys were just doing your job.”

He winced, but thankfully Raven didn’t notice. “Who does Finn want you to sue?”

Raven snorted. “Anyone—Everyone. All he talks about is about how much money I could get from a lawsuit, and how I could use that for a fresh start.”

“And what do you want?”

Raven took a deep breath, picking up the lawsuit papers. Her eyes scanned the page she had been reading before he came in. Murphy watched as she reached for the manila folder on her nightstand and stuffed the packet inside.

“I want to go home.” She attempted to smile, though it looked a bit too forced for Murphy’s liking. “Speaking of which, I see they’ve discharged you.”

“They couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.” Murphy said, looking down at the tiled floor. His hair flopped into his eyes, and he raised a hand to brush his hair back.

“I can see that.” She said, and he looked up at her.

“How much longer do you have to be here?”

“Here? Not much longer.” She shook her head. “But I’m being transferred in two days over to a rehab center in Phoenix. They specialize in spinal injuries, so…” She shrugged.

“Phoenix? That’s over two hours away from Ark.”

“Finn found it. It’s supposed to be the best rehab facility in the state.”

Murphy pursed his lips. “I see.”

He didn’t know much about medical facilities, but half of him wondered if there was more to sending her away so far than just the quality of the doctors. The other half wondered why he even cared in the first place. It wasn’t any of his business, what Finn and Raven decided.

What was his business was the fact that Raven was suing. And if she decided to sue the police station, not only would she get a shit ton of money, but he and Bellamy would probably lose their jobs.

They weren’t supposed to have been chasing down that gasoline truck. Kane’s orders had been to stay in their cruisers and watch the roads for the escapees. But they had gone against that, and Kane had made it especially clear a few days prior when he talked to Murphy on the phone that they had made a mistake— a mistake that had cost a man’s life and a woman’s mobility.

He hadn’t seen Raven since that phone call, and the newfound guilt was hitting him like a freight train to the gut.

“I hope you, um, get the help you need.” Murphy said finally.

“Thanks for the Jell-o.” She said.

He nodded in return. She held out her hand. “Give me your phone.”

Murphy dug it out of his pocket and handed it to her, his eyebrows furrowed. He watched as she fiddled with it, her thumbs tapping repeatedly. After a beat, she gave it back.

“I put my number in.” She said. “Feel free to text me or something. I’m probably going to be bored out of my mind in that rehab center.”

“I don’t text.” Murphy said, the corners of his lips turned down, causing Raven to roll her eyes.

“You’ll text me.”

 

* * *

 

Once Murphy was gone, Raven was again left alone with her thoughts and the lawsuit file Finn had dropped off the night before. She hadn’t been lying to Murphy when she said wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. On one hand, she could use the money. Her truck, _her_ _precious baby_ , had been destroyed in the accident, and though she didn’t anticipate she would be driving on her own anytime soon, it would be nice to have some money to buy a new truck once she got out of the rehab center.

On the other hand, lawsuits could take more than a year to go through, and she knew enough from Finn that the process would be taxing. Besides, there wasn’t really anyone to blame for the accident. The guy driving the truck that hit her had died at the scene.

Not to mention that the accident was partly her fault. She hadn’t done the stop sign at the intersection.

She wondered where she would be right now had she not gotten into the accident. She’d probably be home, binging on pointless reality TV and sad movies. She’d still have use of her leg though, there was that. And Finn would have probably been easier to avoid. There weren’t many places she could hide in a hospital while partially immobile.

She threw the papers onto the table besides her bed in a huff, throwing an arm over eyes. How could it be that she had literally spent the last couple of weeks sleeping in a bed all day but still be so _exhausted?_

Clarke hadn’t even been by to see her. At first, Raven wasn’t sure she wanted her to, but after all this time… She needed to see her. Clarke was her friend, and lately, she needed her friends more than she’d like to admit. That’s why Murphy had been so good for her—despite whatever shit Finn had said.

Murphy had provided an outlet to get away from reality for even just 15 minutes a day, and it helped. He reminded her each time they were together that she could get through this, even if he didn’t mean to. He didn’t treat her like she was going to break, and he didn’t look at her any different from the first time they had seen each other in the Chinese restaurant.

She knew he must’ve wondered why she never went back to see him. She just didn’t want to go back and have to explain the other night—what Finn said about her mother. There were few things Raven wasn’t open to talk about, and that was one of them.

What she should have realized is that Murphy would have never asked in the first place.

Raven hadn’t understood that until he said his goodbye’s this morning. It wasn’t like him to pry, and she knew that it wasn’t because he didn’t care, but because he felt it wasn’t his place. And it was refreshing. For days she’d had someone do nothing more than dictate what she should do next, what she should expect, and what she needed to learn. 

She hadn’t realized that she would miss him. He was the only one she didn’t need to pretend to be okay around, because he genuinely didn’t ask how she was feeling. He had seen her grunt, grimace, and grit her teeth as she dealt with her dysfunctional leg, but he hadn’t asked about it, and that was a relief.

Raven jolted from her thoughts as someone knocked on her door for the second time that day. She called out for them to come in, curious as to who else would be visiting her. Finn didn’t knock, and besides he was in class at the moment, and Murphy had left.

“Come in,” she said.

The door opened, and Raven’s eyebrows shot up as she saw who it was.

“Clarke.”

The blonde gave her a little wave, and Raven’s eyes narrowed slightly. She felt the slow simmering of anger start up inside of her, and she tried to dial it back. Tried but, failed.

“Hi.” Clarke walked slowly closer to her, one foot stepping in front of the other. “How are you feeling?”

Raven scoffed. “Now you ask? Go away, Clarke.”

Clarke shook her head harshly. “I’m not going to do that. It’s not what you really want.”

“Because I need someone telling me what it is I do and don’t want? What I should or shouldn’t do? What I need or I don’t need?” Raven said through gritted teeth, her hands wringing the bedsheets. “I don’t need another Finn.”

Clarke didn’t respond immediately. Raven watched as she sat down on the chair besides her bed. Clarke crossed her legs, and smoothed the wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail away from her face. She didn’t seem to be going anywhere in a rush, which was unlike her. All the time she had known her, Clarke was always in a hurry to be somewhere, to do something, to meet someone. They just hadn’t known they were seeing the same someone.

It still hurt. Even though Finn had told her Clarke was out of the picture, there was nothing he could say that could make everything alright. Finn was not hers anymore, and he had been for so long, that she had forgotten what it meant to be alone. And she was scared.

“I’m not trying to be another Finn.” Clarke said. “I know that’s the last thing you need.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I couldn’t put off seeing you any longer. I know I was wrong to stay away but…” She trailed off.

“You should’ve just stayed away. If you couldn’t face me in the beginning, then I have nothing to say to you. You have no excuse. I mean, Finn fucked me over, _but he showed up_.” Raven said. “For better or for worse, he’s been here for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Raven sighed and focused her gaze on her lap, her hands folded in front of her. “I want you to leave.”

“Raven—”

“I want you to leave.” She repeated, her voice strained.

“I want to fix things between us. You’re my best friend.”

“ _Was_. I _was_ your best friend.”

 

* * *

 

 

Miller and Murphy had reached an understanding in the past couple of years. They only interacted when they needed to, and when they did, they spoke the minimum words needed to get their points across and remain civil. Murphy knew it wasn’t personal. They were just not destined to become the best of friends as Bellamy had hoped. But they knew each other pretty well at this point despite everything, and that’s why Murphy wasn’t surprised when Miller tried to talk to him on the way to the police station. He knew what he was getting at.

“You want to know if she’s going to sue us.” Murphy said, leaning his head back on the seat. Miller didn’t have the radio on, and the only sound besides their voices was the stale air’s from the car’s AC humming as it exited its vents.

“I didn’t say that.” Miller said. “I just mentioned that Kane said you’ve been spending a lot of time with her at the hospital.”

“That’s what you were getting at though.” Murphy sighed. “Besides, how the hell does Kane know what I have or haven’t been doing?”

“You know him and the head doctor over at the hospital are close, and—”

“Who isn’t in this damn small town?”

“Apparently,” Miller said, talking over Murphy. “She was the one that did the surgery on your friend.”

“She’s not my friend.”

Miller raised an eyebrow at him as he slowed to a stop at a red light. “Yeah, okay. No one believes that. Dude, I know you’ve only been here for a couple of years, but _you’ve been here for a couple of years._ Ark has a population of a little over a thousand. It’s a small town. People talk.”  The light changed to green and Murphy was relieved that they were around the corner from the police station. “And the word on the station these days is that Jonathan Murphy has got himself a lady friend.”

“Whatever. Why don’t you get to your point so that we can stop talking?” Murphy slouched in his seat.

“Look man, I don’t care who you do or don’t talk to. In fact, I’m not sure I could care less. But if you keep in contact with this chick, you need to make sure she doesn’t sue us. Your ass, Bellamy’s ass, Kane’s ass, and _my ass_ are all on the line here.”

Miller pulled up to the station, the gravel crunching underneath the wheels. Murphy turned his head to look at him, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Your ass? Why would your job be in trouble?”

“Who do you think covered for both of you when you went off on your own?” Miller rubbed at his beard, frowning. “Just because we’re not besties doesn’t mean I don’t have your back.”

Murphy nodded, opening the car door to get out. He swung out a leg before pivoting his body back towards Miller. “Thanks.” He mumbled, but Miller heard him. He bobbed his head in acknowledgement.

Murphy got out of the car, and started to make his way to where he last left his SUV. His navy Ford explorer was parked underneath the shade of a large tree, and though it was covered in yellowing leaves, it looked just like the last time he saw it.

He watched as Miller pulled out of the station and left, and before anybody could see him outside, Murphy got into his vehicle and did the same. There would be time for questions later, but at the moment, all he wanted to do was get home.

 

* * *

 

Octavia uncrossed her legs as she flipped through the tabloid magazine she had purchased in the hospital’s gift shop. Bellamy was watching TV—there wasn’t much else he could do. She had forgotten to bring by the books he had asked her to the day before, and he was still annoyed. It wasn’t her fault he had finished the last book she brought in less than a day. But it figured. If anybody could read endless books on the Roman Empire, it would be her brother.

“If you’re bored, you could just read my People magazine,” Octavia pursed her lips. “There’s lots of good gossip I’m just now catching up on.”

Bellamy grimaced. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

Someone knocked on the door, and Octavia idly raised her eyes up from her magazine. It was Clarke, and she lingered in the doorway tentatively. Octavia laughed internally as she saw her brother shoot up and sit straight up on the bed.

“Hey Clarke,” Bellamy cleared his throat. “Come in.”

Clarke gave him a slight smile, tight-lipped. She looked sad. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” he shrugged.

“He’s just bored,” Octavia rolled her eyes. “He’s been moping around all morning because I didn’t bring his stupid nerdy book.”

Bellamy sighed, frowning at his sister as Clarke chuckled softly at his expense. “Thanks, O.” He shook his head and looked towards Clarke, who was leaning on the far wall.

Octavia was sitting in the only chair in the room, and he worried that after some time Clarke would get tired of standing and cut their conversation short.  Plus, he didn’t want Octavia to be listening in to their entire conversation. He loved sister, but he knew she would embarrass him. Half of his body was already in a cast, he couldn’t possibly take more damage to his pride.

“Hey O, can you get me some chips from the cafeteria downstairs?” He said, making sure to make eye contact with Clarke. She smiled, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Bellamy noticed that her eyes seemed to be slightly red-rimmed, and he felt the smirk fall away from his lips.

“Chips? You don’t even like chips,” Octavia said.

“A soda then.”

Octavia looked up from her magazine, her eyes flitting from Bellamy to Clarke, and back to Bellamy again. She sighed loudly and put down her magazine on the night stand. “Fine, I’ll be back in like 30 minutes, will that enough?” She smacked her lips and grabbed her wallet from her bag.

She exited the room quickly after that. She knew her brother didn’t really want a soda or anything from the cafeteria downstairs—he got three free meals a day at the hospital. He had just eaten lunch an hour earlier. Octavia hadn’t eaten yet, so she figured that’s what she would do. She took the elevator down to the main floor, and when she rounded the corner to turn onto the hallway that led to the cafeteria, she almost ran into a girl with shoulder-length black hair.

The girl’s face was slightly gaunt, and she had circled under her eyes. She looked exhausted, but Octavia could tell she was very pretty, and the light purple of her scrubs complimented her pale skin nicely.

“Sorry,” the girl said in a shaky voice. “I didn’t see you.”

“No, it was my bad,” Octavia said. “I wasn’t looking. My brother wanted to get some alone time with this girl he’s trying to bang, and kicked me out of the room.”

The girl raised her eyebrows and chuckled. “Your brother must be really good with girls then, if he’s admitted in the hospital and still has prospects.”

“Yeah no, Bell doesn’t waste any time.”

The girl extended her hand. “I’m Maya.”

Octavia tilted her head in surprise. “Are you by any chance—”

She was interrupted by a loud whoop. Maya laughed as Jasper scooped her up, giving her a big kiss on the lips.

“Jasper’s girlfriend,” Octavia finished, smiling.

“Wait a minute,” Maya gestured for Jasper to put her down, “are you Octavia?”

“The one and only.”

“Oh my gosh, I’ve heard so much about you.” Maya embraced her tightly. “Jasper wouldn’t stop talking about how you ran into each other the other night.”

“Well that’s Jasper—he never stops talking.”

Jasper gasped mockingly, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt, O.”

Octavia punched him lightly in the arm. “So you came to see your girlfriend during her lunch break? That’s cute.”

Jasper looked down at Maya, who had tucked herself into his side. He smiled softly at her, but Octavia noticed the crinkle in his eyebrows. “Just checking up on her.”

Octavia nodded, pursing her lips. “Okay, well I’m headed to the cafeteria. I haven’t eaten lunch, so I guess I’ll see you both later?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jasper said absentmindedly. “When do you go back?”

“Two days,” she shrugged.

“That soon?” Maya said. “Then we’ll definitely have to do something tonight. I get off at 6, do you guys want to go out to dinner?” She looked up at Jasper. “You could invite Monty too.”

“Let’s do that,” Jasper nodded.

“Okay, well then I’ll see you guys tonight.” Octavia waved at them, and left down the hallway. She couldn’t help herself though, and looked back at them as she walked. Jasper had his hands on Maya’s face, tenderly brushing her hair out of her face.

Octavia felt her stomach tighten. She was happy for Jasper, but she couldn’t help thinking that she wished she was in Maya’s shoes. Not necessarily in regards to her relationship with Jasper, but that her own boyfriend still treated her the way Jasper did Maya. She checked her cellphone. There were no missed calls, and no texts.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE!
> 
> I'm so sorry this has taken so long to be up. This semester has literally suckerpunched me in the face. I've been so busy with full time school, and I'm working two jobs right now. I died for a little while. I had a lot of writing to do, both newspaper articles and my own original fiction, and that has to always come first. I worked on this chapter as much as I could, but it's hard finding time and energy to write when that's all you do every day for your required courses. The semester is somewhat calming down a little, so hopefully the next chapter won't take so long. I am going to take a quick break in between this chapter and the next since I have this plot bunny for a one-shot that won't go away. It's going to be a long one though, so keep your eyes peeled for that!
> 
> Hopefully there's still people reading, lol. I know my fic is really slow, so I don't blame you if you get bored. I really want to get to the good Murven stuff, but it's gonna be a while, haha.
> 
> -Jarleene


	8. The Shift

_I touch on you more and more every time. When you leave I'm begging you not to go._

 

_3 Weeks Later_

Murphy spun his keys in his index finger as he started exiting the police station. He had asked permission to leave his shift earlier, and for once he was thankful that desk duty was just as dull as it sounded. He didn’t complain out loud though, even when he sat at that stupid desk signing papers and overlooking the paperwork from ongoing investigations. There was nothing more boring to him that sitting on the sidelines of the action. He didn’t go the police academy to learn how to staple papers together.

But given the situation, he understood that Kane wanted to keep him inside the station for now. Not only for his recovery, but also because Kane wanted to keep an eye on him. He wasn’t happy with what had happened, and rightfully so. Murphy and Bellamy had unintentionally created a huge blunder for the station. And because of that, it wasn’t strange for Murphy to feel Kane’s gaze hot on his back as he worked. It made him claustrophobic.

Miller’s dad had granted him permission to leave early, seeing as Murphy rarely ever took days off or asked for an early release. He didn’t ask why Murphy wanted to leave, and for that he was silently grateful. He didn’t want to have to explain.

Just as he was about to leave the building, he heard a whistle that halted him on the spot. Murphy grinded his teeth, cursing under his breath. He turned around to face Kane, who regarded him sternly, his hands behind his back like the military veteran he was.

“Where are you going?” He said.

“Capt. Miller let me leave early,” Murphy said.

“That’s not my question. I asked where you are going.”

It took all of Murphy’s self-control not to lash out at the Chief of Police at that moment, but he bit his tongue. He wanted to get out of the station quickly, and giving Kane a piece of his pent-up frustration would only slow his exit.

“I have an errand to run,” Murphy said through gritted teeth.

Kane narrowed his eyes. Murphy could see him trying to figure out what errand he needed to run exactly at midday, but Murphy kept his face neutral, if not looking a little disinterested. Kane sighed loudly. “Fine, but don’t let requesting early releases become a habit.” He turned on his heel and disappeared back into the hallway without another word.

Murphy scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It never has been,” he muttered while pushing the door open. The heat hit him instantaneously after leaving the air conditioned station, and just the short walk to his SUV had beads of sweat accumulating on his forehead. He opened the door to his car, and knowing better than to jump inside before letting some of the pent-up heat escape, he leaned in and put his key in the ignition. The engine on his Explorer purred to life, and he cranked up the AC to the max. He took the time while the car was cooling to unbutton his uniform shirt. He wore a thin white v-neck shirt underneath, and he figured that would be okay for him to wear to visit Raven. He untucked it, and threw his uniform shirt in the backseat. He knew he wasn’t supposed to wear his full uniform when off-duty, but without the shirt, the standard navy slacks looked fine. Plus, he didn’t want to waste time to go home and change.

When he was sure he wouldn’t melt inside the car, he climbed inside and closed the door. In turn, he lowered all the windows. Arizona heat wasn’t anything to mess with, and despite it being the middle of October, the temperatures were still very high.

Murphy pulled out of the parking lot with ease, the gravel crunching underneath his tires. He turned onto the main road, heading towards the highway. Once he was at a red light, he plugged his aux cable into his phone. He typed in the directions to the rehabilitation center Raven had told him she was at, smiling slightly when he remembered their conversation the night before.

He hadn’t texted her since he had been discharged. He hadn’t been kidding with her when he told her he didn’t text. But last night, after having debated it all day at work, Murphy decided to contact her. In truth, he kind of missed having her around—the time they spent together in the hospital, no matter how brief it had been, had spoiled him of sorts. There weren’t many people Murphy was comfortable around, and to his surprise, Raven was one of them. It was hard to let that go, even though he knew he should.

After all, she had officially filed a lawsuit with the police station.

That’s mainly why Kane was on his ass all the time, and with Bellamy still at home recovering from his broken bones (the lucky bastard), Kane’s anger was solely focused on Murphy.

But he didn’t blame Raven for suing. He couldn’t. There was a little voice in his head that told him he couldn’t blame her for something she was in all her rights to do.

So yeah, he hadn’t talked to her at all, even if he had been itching to after the whole ordeal. Yesterday, he caved though, and called her, because _John Murphy_ _doesn’t do texting._ He chuckled to himself as he recalled her annoyed tone through the phone, and how it had morphed into surprise. She called him out on not contacting her before, but she eased up when he mumbled he would try to see her soon. He knew she didn’t expect him to show up the following day after calling her, but that was fine by him.

The ride to Phoenix was long. It took him a little over two hours with traffic to make it to the rehab center. Traffic in the city was always terrible, so he had already mentally prepared himself to dial down his road rage. Still, when the occasional asshole cut him off he had to let loose his usual string of curses. He had kept the rude gestures at bay this time though.

The rehab center in itself didn’t look like anything special. The exterior was a light beige stucco, and a pair of glass doors marked the entrance. The main office looked pretty new, so maybe they had renovated the place recently. There was a man signing in at the front desk, and Murphy watched as he smiled casually at the receptionist and disappeared through the hallway.

Murphy hadn’t been sure what to do once he got there, but after having seen the man just causally stroll in, he figured he could do the same. He signed his name wordlessly on the sign-in sheet, avoiding eye contact with the receptionist who seemed to be waiting for him to greet her or something, because even without looking at her, Murphy could feel her expectant gaze hot on him.

She cleared her throat, and he sighed as he looked up at her.

“You’re a new visitor. I need to see ID,” She said curtly.

He dug in his back pocket for his wallet, and pulled out his driver’s license. He slid it over the granite counter toward her, and she picked it up with her acrylic nails. She looked at it intently, her eyes darting from his face back to the ID as if confirming he was indeed the person in the photo.

“What patient are you visiting?” She returned his ID, and he returned it to his wallet.

“Raven Reyes.”

“What’s the relation?”

 Murphy sighed, smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth in annoyance. “Acquaintance,” he said.

“Hmm.” The receptionist typed away at her computer, and shook her head at him. “I’m sorry, but Raven Reyes is only receiving family visits.”

Murphy sighed again, pursing his lips. His gut told him that this had Finn Collins’s name written all over it. He closed his eyes for a second as the receptionist told him her half-hearted apologies, and he resolved to do the one thing he always told himself he wouldn’t do.

He reached back into his back pocket and pulled out his badge. He couldn’t lie and say that the flash of surprise that passed across the receptionist’s face and halted her words didn’t make him feel a little powerful. “Can I go now, or…” He trailed off, shrugging.

Murphy didn’t wait for her to respond and instead turned into the hallway. Raven told him she was in room 224, and going off the number alone, he guessed he needed to find an elevator or stairs. He was glad that the place wasn’t as large as he expected. He had pictured a large clinical building, with nurses and doctors whizzing past each other on white hallways. But as he made his way to Raven’s room, he noticed the deafening silence. He could hear the squeaks of someone’s sneakers on the linoleum tile, but there hustle and bustle he had imagined wasn’t there. In fact, aside from the front desk, it looked pretty worn.

The wallpaper on the second floor had to be at least a decade old, judging by its faded flowery print. The entire building had a kind of old musty smell, like the kind present in thrift stores. He hummed bitterly to himself as he thought about the “state of the art” place Finn had taken Raven to. There had to be better rehabilitation centers closer to Ark than this one.

But it wasn’t his place to say anything, so he vowed to keep his thoughts to himself.

When he got to Raven’s room, he expected her to be there in bed like she had been at the hospital. But the bed was empty, or at least the bed he figured was hers. She had a private room though, so that was probably nice for her. The window on the far side overlooked a small greenspace with a few benches and a birdbath, but they were in dire need of restoration. In the 80s or 90s, this place might’ve been great. But the years hadn’t been kind to the rehab center.

Raven’s room was tiny. There was a bed, the white sheets tossed carelessly aside, and besides that  there was a single chair. Across the bed, in the wall between the bathroom and the entrance, there was a small wood dresser with an old TV on top of it. It was clean though, or at least it looked like it was.

Murphy let out a long breath as he sat on the chair. He leaned forward, intertwining his hands in a fist. He took it as a good sign that Raven wasn’t in the room. Maybe the place just looked run down, and they were actually helping Raven.  He knew he shouldn’t care that much, it’s not like she meant to anything to him, but for some reason he couldn’t shake the feeling of protectiveness he felt toward her.

After a while, he started to hear voices coming from the hallway. One side of his mouth curved up in a smirk, because he could recognize that haughty tone of voice anywhere. He knew he had missed her, but just hearing the sound of her voice made him realize just how much he had missed her. He put that thought in the back of his mind though, trying not to think about what missing her meant.

Raven stepped inside the room, seeming a thousand times better – and quicker too—on a single crutch, her good leg striding effortlessly without the aid of crutches.

He’ll never forget the look on her face for as long as he lives. The cross of surprise, happiness, and blind anger were all apparent in her face in a way he couldn’t describe as anything other than just Raven.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven couldn’t believe her eyes. _He_ was here, sitting in the chair in her room, wearing a sloppy threadbare white t-shirt over navy slacks. Murphy looked unperturbed, staring up at her as she entered the room with his usual nonchalant expression. An expression she had to admit she missed, but just because he had finally shown up after weeks of waiting didn’t mean she was going to go easy on him. Because he had literally made her wait for weeks.

“You,” Raven said. “I have a bone to pick with you.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes a little.

“I’m serious,” she said. “You’re in trouble.”

He watched with a half-smile as she made her way over. She heaved herself onto the bed with a sigh, laying the crutch against it.

“Well,” Murphy crossed his arms as he leaned back against the chair. “Go ahead. Let me have it.”

“You were supposed to text me,” she said. “It’s been fucking weeks. I’ve been _so bored_.”

He laughed abruptly, a change from the usual frown he wore on his face. She focused on the plains of it, now without the bruising of the accident, but still with the same sharp angles she’d become fond of those days in the hospital.

“To be fair, I told you I don’t text,” he said, raising up his hands palms up. “Also, you’re really fucking far away from Ark.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever—excuses.”

“Besides, hasn’t Finn been around to keep you company?” His eyes flickered to the open door, as if he was waiting for Finn to appear any second. “He’s like a leech with you.”

Raven squared her gaze on him. “I’m gonna ignore the Finn comment because I’m just glad you’re here.”

“So what? You two are back together now or something?” He nipped at his lip, raising his eyebrows at her.

“Not quite, but…” She shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.” She waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Anyways, it’s been pretty quiet around here, sans my screaming like a banshee when the nurses teach me a new stretch. Rehab’s a bitch.”

“You seem to be doing pretty well. When are you going back home?”

Raven exhaled loudly. “Soon, I hope. I’m tired of hospitals, and clinics, and doctors. I just want to go home.”

He gestured with his chin to her leg, albeit a little uncertainly. “What are you…”

“I’m supposed to be getting some sort of brace in the coming days. I’ll still hobble around, but I won’t need this.” She nudged her crutch lightly with her knuckle.

“I’m sure you’ll get state of the art treatment afterwards to help,” he said kissing his teeth. “Especially with the amount of money you’ll get suing the station.”

Raven froze.

“What?” She was probably looking at him like he was crazy. In fact, she wondered if he was crazy. “Murphy, what are you talking about?”

“The lawsuit you filed against the station, Reyes.” He furrowed his brow. “For the accident?”

Raven looked down at her lap and didn’t respond. She fiddled with her hands, fingers tugging other fingers as she tried to wrap her head around what was coming out of Murphy’s mouth.

“Jonathan, I haven’t filed anything. I never signed the papers Finn gave me.”

Murphy laughed, catching her by surprise. It was a bitter sound laced with surprise, and she watched as he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face.

“You didn’t sign them. But someone obviously did, and I think we both know who that could be.” He raised his index finger and signaled in the air. “That’s fraud, Raven.”

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. Her first thought was to deny that Finn would ever do that, but she couldn’t because that’s exactly something Finn would do, especially if he thought it was in her best interest. He had been pissed when he found out she wasn’t planning to sue anybody, had countered her freak accident argument with talks of medical bills present and future. But she hadn’t budged, she hadn’t signed papers.

“I can cancel the lawsuit,” she said uncertainly. “That’s a thing, right?”

Murphy shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not a lawyer, I’m just a fucking cop with his job on the line.”

“Damnit Finn,” she cursed, and then turned her eyes onto Murphy. “So that’s why you came here then? To talk to me about how I’m supposedly fucking suing Ark police?”

“Not supposedly, you really suing us—But no. That’s not why I came here. In fact, I’m not even sure why I came,” he said.

“That makes two of us,” she said.

“So now you don’t want me here?”

Raven let the silence hang for a minute. She tried to choose her words carefully, something she wasn’t used to doing around Murphy. It made her feel awkward. “I’m just questioning why you would come at all if you thought I was suing you.”

“You’re questioning _my_ motives?” He snorted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You want to question someone? Question _Finn_.” His gaze was hot on her, she could feel it even after she had bowed her head.

He stood up from the chair, and suddenly the inches between the bed and the chair seemed impossibly close with him standing in between. He seemed like he was waiting for her to say something, but Raven didn’t feel like talking anymore.

“Fine,” Murphy said angrily. “You don’t want me here?” He shrugged. “Then I’m gone. Enjoy your solitary confinement.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hours later, Raven’s dinner sat untouched on the portable tray holder over bed. The mashed potatoes and chicken medallions had more than likely grown cold already, and the broccoli and carrot vegetable side dish looked sad in their little corner of the plate.

She was tired of the food here. It was all bland and terribly overcooked. You’d think with the money that they were charging her insurance for her to be there, she’d at least get some decent meals. But even as she tried to convince herself otherwise, it wasn’t the unappealing look of the food that had her put it off to the side.

It was Murphy. Or rather, what Murphy had said.

Could Finn really have gone to such extremes as to file a lawsuit for her? He was in law school—he had to know how much trouble he could get in. She reached over to the small table besides her bed to grab her phone.

Without hesitating, she dialed Finn’s number, listening anxiously as it rang. He picked up after four or five rings.

“Raven? Hey what’s up?” He said, and she noted he sounded distracted. Someone in the background cheered, and through the phone she could distinguish sounds of loud talking, music and what seemed like the echoes of a televised football game.

He couldn’t be. No fucking way.

“Are you seriously in a bar right now?” She said gritting her teeth.

“Yeah, I just went to go get some drinks after class with some of the guys.” He sounded confused. She could picture him walking away from the bar and outside, a deep furrow between his brows. “What’s wrong?” Faintly, she could hear the background noise fade. He was definitely heading outside of the bar. Funny how well she knew him and yet didn’t know him.

“What’s wrong?” She echoed. “I was just informed that I’m apparently suing Ark Police for my accident. Thing is though, I know for sure I didn’t sign the papers. But someone did.” She shrugged even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Do you happen to have any idea who that could be?”

Finn sighed loudly on the phone, and though he hadn’t said anything, the sigh was a big conformation on what Murphy had told her.

“Finn,” Raven said shaking her head. “What were you thinking?”

“I was trying to help you,” he said.

“This isn’t helping Finn,” she said, leaning back into her pillows and rubbing at her face. “If you really wanted to help me, you’d come get me out of this depressing jail. I swear I prefer the hospital ten times. At least they had good cable.” She groaned. “Fuck Finn, why did you sign those papers? It really isn’t helping.”

“Look, I know right now  it seems like I’ve crossed this huge line—”

“You have crossed the line.”

“—but you’ll thank me when the money starts coming in. Don’t you want to get yourself another truck?”

She closed her eyes. “Not like this Finn. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Raven, the police caused that accident.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you,” Finn said. “You’re just blindsided because you’ve been talking to that cop.”

“Murphy has nothing to do with this.”

“How fast you defend him,” Finn said bitterly.

“Yeah well some people are worth defending,” Raven said. “More than others, anyways.”

“Look I’m not going to argue with you right now. I’m going to hang up and I’m going to go back inside to finish my beer. We can talk, or argue, or yell later. But I’m not dealing with this right now.”

Raven snorted. “Of course not. You’d rather stay drinking out with your little law school friends, and who knows maybe even a new girlfriend. You tend to move rather fast, throw out 10 year relationships out the window for the first pretty face that crosses your path.”

The line was silent after that. If it wasn’t for the sounds of traffic coming in, she would have thought he had hung up. At this point, she wouldn’t put it past him. When he finally decided to say something, his voice was sweet, soft, but his condescending tone only further simmered her boiling blood.

“We can fix us, Ray. I know we can, that’s why I started moving your stuff into my apartment. As soon as you get out of rehab, we can start over—the way you wanted months ago.”

Raven had always felt in control of her life, even when she was a kid living with her mother. She supposed her mother thought she was in charge, and maybe in a lot of ways she was, but Raven had always felt like she had choices. Many of them weren’t easy choices, or nice choices by far, but the point was that she _could_ _choose_.

He was taking that away from her.

“No,” she said.

“No? What do you mean no?”

“I mean enough is enough Finn,” she said through her teeth. “I will not move in with you.”

He sighed on the phone. “Look Raven, I know this is difficult for you—”

“You know nothing.”

“But you have to realize that this is what’s right. It’s what we were planning to do anyways, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, before I found out you were fucking another girl. That’s kind of a deal breaker, don’t you think?”

“Look, Clarke and I are done. As much as I’ll miss her, I know that you need me now.”

 _As much as I’ll miss her,_ he said. Raven didn’t think Finn could hurt her more than he already had, but those words drilled into her head, and she had to momentarily bite her lip from letting out the sob that was building into her chest.

“What a gallant sacrifice,” she said pursing her lips.

“I don’t mind Raven, you know I don’t,” he said, either oblivious or blatantly ignoring her tone.

“Well it’s not one I’m asking you to make,” she said, and hung up.

Her teeth burrowed themselves into her bottom lip, the force almost drawing blood—almost, but not quite. Raven had lost enough blood in the last month to lose more because of someone like Finn.

She didn’t know what she was going to do. She was stuck in a rehab center two hours away from Ark, where Finn was already moving her stuff into his apartment, and she knew that once everything was there, the chances of her actually getting through this alone were slim. He wouldn’t let her leave.

Raven knew Murphy was pissed at her. She knew. But she had no one else to call.

She was half-expecting him to not answer the phone, but he surprised her by picking up on the second ring.

“What do you want, Reyes?”

“I need your help.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. So. Sorry.  
> I know I have kept you guys waiting for MONTHS. It was not my intention at all, but life and school, and work all got in the way. I was writing the chapter the entire time, just slowly. I wanted to get this out on Valentine's Day, but I didn't. But here it is. I hope there are still people reading? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter :)  
> Next chapter will hopefully be up soon, I can't give a definitive date but I'll try to have it up by the end of the month.  
> -Jarleene


	9. The Apartment

_Call your name two or three times in a row,_

 

Murphy jerked the wheel of his car out of reflex, almost merging into the next lane over. The car on that lane beeped his horn at him, and he raised a hand in their direction to apologize for probably scaring the living shit out of them. He switched his cellphone to his left ear, cradling it slightly as he kept driving.

“I’m sorry, you want me to _what_?” he said.

“I need you to go to my apartment and change my lock. How is that so _hard_ for you to understand?” Raven said on the phone, exasperation coming out of her in waves.

He chuckled to himself, biting his lip as he drove. “You know Reyes, you’re not going to get anyone to do you any favors with that attitude,” he said.

“Would you just tell me you’ll take care of it?” she said. “I would do it on my own if I could, but seeing as I’m stuck in this godforsaken clinic, I can’t exactly do that.”

Murphy sighed, tapping a rhythm on the steering wheel with his free hand. He watched the road carefully, the beams of his SUV lighting the twilight street in a dim yellow. He shook his head before answering her, even though he knew she couldn’t see him. “What am I going to get out of it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Raven, you were just freaking out on me an hour ago and now you want me to go break into your apartment to change your locks so your ex-boyfriend doesn’t move your stuff into his apartment.” He exhaled sharply. “Even if I was a nice guy, _which I’m not_ , that still seems like a lot. So what’s in it for me?”

“You keep saying you’re not a nice guy Murphy, but an asshole wouldn’t have come visit me today,” Raven said, and he flinched. “As for what you get out of it, I’ll tell you what. If you do this, I’ll let you pick out a single item from my house to keep for yourself.”

Murphy perked up, mostly out of curiosity. “I can pick out anything?”

“Whatever the hell you want.”

“So if you come home and find your TV is missing, you won’t say _anything_?”

“I’ll trust that you’re not that cruel,” she said, and he could hear the amusement in her tone.

He was relieved they had gotten back to known territory, gotten back to the teasing he could deal with. Her earlier remark about him being a nice guy had him bristling because _oh god if she only knew_.

“Fine,” Murphy said. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

He expected her to retort with some witty comeback, maybe some more sass about which item he would ultimately end up taking, but he was surprised to hear silence on the line.

“Hello?”

“Sorry, I just…” Raven sighed, a long tired hum. “I need you to do me one more favor.”

He could hear the shame in her voice, and a small part of him felt bad about goading her about her first request. But she had it coming after the way she had treated him at the center, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

“I knew it was too good to be true,” He said leaning slightly against the car door, his left elbow propped on the window. “What else do you want me to do?”

“I need you to come pick me up in two days and take me home.”

 

* * *

 

   
Clarke entered Grounders at exactly 6:30pm.

By 6:31pm, she immediately regretted stepping foot in the bar.

She was supposed to be meeting Bellamy, but that wasn’t the problem. She could see Bellamy sitting in one of the booths in the back of the bar, his temporary wheelchair folded on the edge of it. And even if she wouldn’t have spotted him because of that and his wild unruly curls, she would have definitely seen the patriotic blue of his casts on his left arm and leg, the latter of which he had propped up on the bench seat across from his.

Bellamy wasn’t the problem.

It was the certain man sitting at the bar in a red sweater vest, surrounded by a couple of loud friends. Since Raven had been discharged from the hospital, Clarke hadn’t run into Finn. The last couple of weeks had been fairly quiet without his constant insistence that they could fix what had gone wrong between them. Though she had to admit that near the end of Raven’s stay at the hospital, he hadn’t really been that forward as to what he wanted from her. Maybe he had gotten back together with Raven, and though she didn’t want him back, she wasn’t 100 percent sure how that would make her feel if it was true. Even if Raven wanted nothing to do with her anymore, Clarke thought she deserved better.

Finn was facing away from her, so Clarke hoped that she could just sneak by him and he wouldn’t notice. Bellamy had already spotted her standing at the entrance of the bar, and he raised a hand slightly in greeting, lopsided smile in place. She hadn’t been entirely sure if she had wanted to go on a date with Bellamy so soon after the Finn incident, but Bellamy was persistent and he told her that they wouldn’t go on a real date until he could walk, and that they were just going to hang out and get to know each other. Still, she made sure to curl her hair and dab her expensive perfume on before she left her apartment.

Clarke lowered her head and tried to inconspicuously make her way toward Bellamy, and she almost succeeds at passing by Finn without him noticing. She might have kept her head down but through her peripheral vision she saw that he had turned when she walked past him.

Thankfully, he didn’t approach her right then, and Clarke thought that maybe he really was ready to let her go. She felt relief wash over and when she sat down on the bench across from Bellamy, after he had lowered his leg, her smile was genuine.

“Hey princess,” he said and she rolled her eyes in good humor. “Don’t make that face. The nickname is staying.”

“Sure it is,” she said, laying her black handbag on the seat.

“How was your day?”

Clarke sighed, raising her eyebrows. “You don’t want to know.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Bellamy, we had this guy come in today. He had accidentally swallowed a _razor blade,”_ she said shaking her head. Her hands fly up to accentuate her words, getting more heated as she goes on. “A razor blade, of all things. Apparently, Harper said that he told her he was trying to do some YouTube challenge and I just really fear for this generation.”

“How old was he?”

“He was 17,” she said. “When I was 17, I was taking like four AP classes and volunteering at the hospital. I wasn’t swallowing sharp objects for thumbs up on the internet.”

“You’re crazy focused though,” Bellamy said. “I did a whole bunch of stupid things when I was 17. Granted, I never swallowed a razor blade but…” he trailed off with a sharp laugh.

“Like what?” Clarke shrugged. “What crazy things did you do if you weren’t eating random objects?”

Bellamy pursed his lips, thinking for a couple seconds. “Okay, one time,” he stops, licking his lips and chuckling to himself. “During the summer, me and a couple of other friends thought it would be a good idea to  drive down to Santa Monica—”

“Santa Monica, as in California?”

“Yep, we took my friend’s old beat up SUV and drove all the way to the West Coast. It took us almost 8 hours to get there. My mom called me when we were halfway there, frantic because she couldn’t find Octavia. Naturally, I start freaking the fuck out telling my friends that we needed to go back because my baby sis was missing, and out of the freaking blue, Octavia pops up from the trunk of the car with this look on her face,” he bugs out his eyes, eyebrows raised sky high, and Clarke laughs. “I called my mom and told her she was with us. We both got in trouble when we came back home at midnight the next day, but damn it was worth it,” he said with a faraway look in his eyes. “That was the first time O saw the sea.”

“You guys are really close, huh?”

Bellamy nodded, smiling down at the table. “We haven’t always seen eye to eye on things, but yeah, we’ve always been close, even while I was serving. And then afterwards when Mom died,” he pursed his lips and shrugged. “It was kind of inevitable.”

Clarke crossed her arms on the table, leaning forward. “That must’ve been hard. My dad died when I was 16 and I can only imagine how much harder it would have been without my mom, even if we don’t agree on much,” she said.

Bellamy frowned. “I’m sorry about your father. As for raising Octavia,” he shrugged. “I did what I had to. My sister, my responsibility,” he said. He gestured toward the bar. “Do you want to get a drink?”

He seemed to want to leave the conversation at that, and Clarke was okay with that. If he wanted to keep conversation light, then that’s what they would do.  She smirked at him when he offered to get her a drink though.

“You mean, do you want _me_ to get _you_ a drink?” She said, her eyes flicking to his folded wheelchair.

“Fair enough,” he said. “But I promise you that once I get out of this wheelchair, I will be the one getting you everything.” Bellamy slid her a twenty dollar bill. “Doesn’t mean I can’t technically buy you a drink, though.”

Clarke picked it up and sauntered toward the bar, her eyes briefly flitting to where she last saw Finn. Strangely enough, he wasn’t there anymore.

 

* * *

 

Murphy pulled up to the apartment complex that his GPS had directed him to. It was an open two-story building the color of sand. All the lined up doors faced the street like a motel, but it wasn’t run down by any means.  From between two buildings, he could spot a park with a couple kids running around, and if he rolled down his window, he could probably hear their laughter.

He dialed Raven’s number and waited for her to pick up, which she did on the first ring.

“I’m here,” he said. “Which one is yours?”

“I’m on the second floor, building 5, apartment number 5781,” she said.

“Okay, stay on the line,” he turned off his SUV, hopping out and closing the door behind him. He locked it, the two resounding beeps echoing into the air. There was a lot of traffic noise in her apartment complex, and though he knew she wasn’t high maintenance by any means, he couldn’t understand how that noise didn’t bother her. He was just assuming, of course. Maybe it did bother her but the rent was cheap and that’s why she stayed.

He went up the stairs and her apartment was the first one on the right side of the building. There were a couple potted plants (fake obviously) on the ground and a straw mat that had started to fray around the edges.

“I’m right in front of your door,” he said.

“Great, there should be a spare key underneath the flower pot,” she said and Murphy clucked his tongue.

“That is really unsafe,” he said. “I should know, I’m a cop. You should never put spare keys in expected places.”

“Please, like Ark has that high of a crime rate.”

“You’d be surprised,” he said in a sing-song tone, kneeling down to pick up the nearest flower pot off the ground. There was nothing there and so he checked underneath the cactus, but there wasn’t anything there either.

“Raven, there’s no key here.”

“That’s impossible. I’ve never moved it,” she said. “Are you sure you’re at the right apartment?”

“Positive,” He said, checking underneath the mat and the surrounding areas besides the plants to see if the key had somehow wandered. But there was nothing there. He stood back up, brushing off the knees of his pants. “Is it possible,” he said slowly, “that Finn might’ve moved it?”

He heard her sharp intake of breath, how she slowly released it and turned it into an audible exhale. “It’s possible, but Finn has his own key so I don’t see why…” she trailed off.

“I guess it’s a good thing you’re changing your locks then,” he said with a short laugh, reaching in his pocket for his car keys. He started making his way back to his car, hoping he had what he needed in there. He hadn’t needed to pick a lock in a really long time, but it wasn’t the kind of thing you forgot overnight. “Do you still want me to open your apartment?”

“Can you?”

Murphy snorted. “Is that a real question?” He opened the driver’s side door to his SUV, looking in the cup holders for anything he could use.

“I didn’t know they taught lock-picking 101 at the police academy,” Raven said, a note of teasing in her voice.

Murphy readjusted his phone, trying to fight off the smile that was creeping on his face. “They don’t. You learn that in the streets, but it’s not like a little birdy like you would know that.”

“Oh you think I’m privileged?” she barked out a harsh laugh. “I guess it’s true that we don’t know each other that well.”

“Yeah, should you even be letting me break into your apartment?” he spotted a packet of paperwork lying in his backseat, the pages held together by a paperclip. He opened the back door and grabbed the packet, taking the paperclip with him and tossing the papers back onto the seat.

“As of right now, you’re my best option Murphy,” she said and he smirked as he locked up his car was once again.

“Don’t worry, Reyes,” he said taking the stairs two at a time and launching himself toward her apartment. “I got you this time. But you owe me.”

He promised to call her back after the locks were changed, and she told him that in the kitchen, she had a cookie jar with a few twenty dollar bills and that she could grab however much he needed to pay the locksmith. She also told him that in the case that the locksmith asked to speak to the owner of the place, which she didn’t think was likely, he could say they were roommates and that she was out of town for the time being. If any problem arose from that, then Raven could just speak to the locksmith herself.

It was a good thing Raven was changing her locks, and not just because of the whole Finn situation. Her front door lock was way too easy to open. All Murphy had to do was flick his wrist a couple times and the resounding pop was both a confidence booster that he hadn’t lost his touch and an imminent worry that her place wasn’t as secure as it should be.

The front door creaked slightly as he swung it open, and he reached around the wall for a light switch. It wasn’t entirely dark outside yet, but it would be soon and since Raven’s apartment was entirely closed off, it wasn’t exactly easy to distinguish anything in the inside.  His fingers brushed against the switch and he flipped it on, the overhead industrial light humming in the empty space.

Despite having been unoccupied for the last couple weeks, her apartment didn’t smell stale. He wasn’t sure why he had expected it to. Maybe it had something to do with the way his own apartment smelled when he got back from the hospital, but Raven’s was different –a lot messier, which he also hadn’t expected.

The kitchen was immediately to his right when he walked in, and good thing he had turned the light on because otherwise he would have run into her small, round dining table and probably electrocuted himself or something. Raven obviously didn’t eat her meals at that table, seeing as its maple wood surface was covered in grease-stained newspapers. Atop them, he could make out various small car parts, and a couple of other projects which he couldn’t identify. There were a ton of spliced wires all over them, a fire hazard as big as any he’d ever seen. It was a miracle that this place hadn’t burned down in Raven’s absence. Maybe it hadn’t been such a bad thing that Finn was supposedly making regular trips here.

If he went straight ahead, he’d enter the living area, a red tartan couch taking up most of it along with a large TV mounted on the wall. There were more mechanical parts and electronic gadgets lying on what he assumed was the coffee table, but it wasn’t as if he could see it underneath all of Raven’s stuff. There were two doors beside the living area and Murphy guessed they would lead to her bedroom and bathroom, but he didn’t have any need to go into either places, so he turned back toward the kitchen.

He dug his phone out of his pocket and searched online for the nearest locksmith in town. There were only a handful in Ark, so he just ended up calling the first one that he found. Getting them to come over to change the locks in Raven’s apartment was surprisingly easy. They didn’t take too long to arrive and the whole process took a little bit over thirty minutes. The locksmith gave him the new key, and after paying him an amount he felt was a little outrageous for changing a single lock, he was on his way.

Ever the impatient one, Raven called him before he had the chance to dial her number.

“I was just about to call you back,” he said. “The locksmith just left. What do you want me to do with your new key?”

“Keep it for now,” she replied. “You can just give it to me when you come pick me up on Sunday.”

“Okay, I’m going to leave the receipt and paperwork I signed for you on the kitchen counter then.”

“That’s fine.”

“I would leave it on the dining table, but something tells me it could spark a fire in your house,” he said, smiling to himself. He was leaning against the doorframe at the entryway of her apartment, facing the parking lot.

“I can only imagine,” she laughed. “I wasn’t exactly planning to be gone for almost a month when I left all that stuff there. At least you have a good amount of choices as to what you wanted to keep from my place.”

Murphy braced his head against the frame, watching the busy street in front of him. He didn’t bother to tell her that he hadn’t pocketed anything, that even though he had briefly entertained the idea, he never really meant to take anything of hers. It was dark now, the street lamps illuminated the road in blooming amber circles. “I like your laugh,” he said, wincing after the words tumbled out of his mouth. He brought his palm to his forehead. That was so dumb of him to say.

Raven fell silent on the line, and he wished he were at least in the same room as her so that he could read her expression. He wondered if she was smiling—he wanted her to be smiling.

“Jonathan,” she dragged out the end of his name in a breathy whisper and he wished he hadn’t said anything.

“Sorry, that was…” he squinted as a car drove into the parking lot, halting his apology. He wasn’t sure why he felt uneasy, as if on instinct. He made sure he had Raven’s new key in his pocket before locking up her apartment.

“Murphy?”

“Sorry Reyes, I was just locking your apartment. I’m heading out now,” he shot another glance toward the lot, but whoever had just parked wasn’t in their car anymore. He started down the stairs, his shoes clanging against their metal.

“What were you going to say?”

Murphy was halfway down the stairs when he almost ran headfirst into Finn.

“Watch it,” Finn slurred, and Murphy could smell the alcohol from where he was. Finn lifted his head and they made eye contact, his brow furrowed. “What are you doing here?”

Murphy ignored him and brushed past him, his shoulder knocking into Finn’s. He did that on purpose. The temptation was too hard to resist. He rushed down the remaining stairs, and the panging of the stairs behind him told Murphy that Finn was following him.

“Hey Reyes, I’ll talk to you later,” he whispered into the phone.

“What’s going on? Will you be here on Sunday?”

“Don’t worry about it, and yeah, I’ll be there.”

He hung up, tucking his phone into his pocket and grabbing his car keys. He knew he was speed-walking toward his SUV, but he didn’t want to have to deal with Finn. Murphy knew that if he was forced to, he could end up punching him.

“I asked, what are you doing here?” Finn said, albeit more aggressively now. Murphy felt hands reaching for the collar of his shirt and pulling.

The sensation was all too familiar to him—the strain of the shirt collar on his neck, the slight pressure on his throat. It was as if all of his senses went on high alert, and Murphy ducked so as to dislodge Finn’s prying fingers from his body, the abrupt move inching his white t-shirt high above his abdomen. He took a couple steps away from Finn holding a hand out as to prevent him from getting closer to him. He counted backwards from ten quickly, trying to contain his anger and instinctual fear.

“I was just doing Raven a favor,” Murphy said, slightly out of breath. “That’s all.”

That seemed to calm Finn down. His shoulders slumped and he pushed his shoulder-length hair back with one hand. “Why didn’t she call me?” He swallowed, looking in the direction of the street. “You’re a stranger and I’m…”

“I’m not a stranger,” Murphy said.

“But you’re still—”He sighed and shook his head. “What did she ask you to do?”

“It’s not my place to tell you.”

Finn pursed his lips, but didn’t push the issue. Murphy took the opportunity to really look at him, at his long disheveled hair, at the dark circles under his brown eyes. He couldn’t prevent the feeling of pity that crawled into his head. Never in a million years had Murphy thought he would actually pity someone, never mind someone like Finn.

Murphy dragged a hand through his hair, fixing his eyes on the gravel of the parking lot. “I’ll take you home,” he said, and Finn furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Murphy crossed his arms. “It’s obvious you’ve had a couple drinks, and seeing as how I’m a cop, I can’t exactly condone drunk driving.” He gestured with his chin toward his SUV.

Finn grimaced, shaking his head. “I’m not that drunk. I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t you think there’s been enough accidents for a while around here?” Murphy unlocked his car, hopping inside and sure enough, Finn reluctantly made his way over to the passenger side of his Ford Explorer.

Once he was inside, Murphy put his car in reverse, the gravel crunching audibly crunching underneath the wheels. He turned on the AC, and was about to instinctively switch the radio on, but he decided against it.

“Where do you live?” he asked Finn.

“Just before the interstate. I’ll tell you when to turn.”

The drive to Finn’s place was just as silent as Murphy had initially expected. It was obvious that they disliked each other very much and besides Raven had nothing else in common. Murphy wasn’t one to pretend and he saw that Finn wasn’t either. He respected that. There wasn’t much else he respected about Finn, but there was that.

After about a ten-minute drive, Finn gestured to an apartment complex coming up on the right. “Turn there.”

Murphy put his blinker on and slowed down in order to enter the complex. “Where do I leave you?”

“Here’s fine,” Finn said, motioning to what looked like the main office of the apartment building. “A walk will do me good.”

Murphy obliged him, pulling up right to the curbside of the office. He expected Finn to just bolt out of the car the minute he parked, but to both his surprise and dismay, he didn’t. He watched as Finn swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

Finn sighed. “I know you find this hard to believe,” he said slowly, “but I really do love Raven.”

Murphy sucked on his teeth. Maybe he should have just let Finn assume the risks and drive his own car.

“I’m sorry, but,” Murphy said, swiping at his bottom lip with his thumb, “love and manipulation are two different things.”

Finn snorted, a short wheezing laugh escaping him. “Of course someone like you would say something like that,” he said, and before Murphy could ask him just what the fuck he meant by that, Finn had opened and slammed shut the car door.

“Asshole.” Murphy shook his head and sped off in the direction of his apartment, wondering why the hell he even bothered to take Finn home in the first place. At least, that’s what he openly admitted himself to be upset about, but Finn’s words had carried a dangerous edge and he worried that Finn knew the meaning behind his own words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst, I know. I hope you guys are still interested in this story! It's definitely been a while. Next chapter should be up in the next week or so though (at least I hope it is). I finally have a somewhat vacation from my own writing since my semester just ended, so I will hopefully be writing fanfiction instead haha. I love hearing your thoughts and feedback, so don't hesitate to leave a review!
> 
> \- Jarleene


	10. The Hunger

_Such a funny thing for me to try to explain,_

 

Murphy hadn't been exactly keen on making the two-hour drive to Phoenix that Sunday, but he had promised Raven he would pick her up and that was that. It wasn't that he didn't like driving, he did, but the traffic to get into and out of Phoenix always have him a headache. That coupled with the fact that in order for him to get to the rehab center by 11:00am, he had to leave by 9 at the latest, and that meant he had to set his alarm to 8, which consequently was way too fucking early to be up on a Sunday. He usually didn't even get out of bed before noon on the weekends.

So yeah, he was a little cranky. Of course, he had woken up late and had to rush out the door, throwing on jeans and a black v-neck, tying up his boots as he hopped out the front door, a slice of toast in his mouth. He hadn't had time to brew his coffee that morning, so when he stopped for gas on the way out of Ark, he made a quick stop inside the gas station and grabbed a steaming cup of watered down black coffee.

He ended up pulling up to the rehab center at about a quarter after 11, his phone consistently pinging with Raven's texts asking him if he was close. Murphy knew he could've called her to let her know he was running a little late, but he hadn't. To be fair though, she had been texting him since 10:30, and it wasn't his fault she was so impatient.

After deliberating on whether or not he should park in the looped entrance, he decided to park in the lot instead. He jumped out of his SUV and half jogged to the entrance. The same receptionist was at the front desk, her long red acrylic nails clanking away at the keyboard. Murphy cleared his throat, and she looked up from her horn rimmed glasses.

"I'm here to pick up Raven Reyes," Murphy said.

The receptionist pursed her lips at him. "One minute, officer". She said the last bit under her breath, and Murphy smirked, amused that she was still annoyed at their first encounter.

Murphy took a seat in the waiting area by the door as she made a phone call. Minutes later, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway, coupled with intertwined voices, one he had practically memorized in the past month or so.

Raven appeared out of the hallway, sans crutches, which despite the fact that he knew that eventually she would be able to walk without him, still surprised him. His eyes took in the brace in her leg, a contraption that ran the entire length of her calf with various buckles. It seemed to help her bend her leg slightly, but she still walked with a slight limp. He guessed she always would to some degree.

"You're late, John," Raven said as she approached him.

Murphy held up his hands and gave her a small shrug. "Guilty as charged," he said. "But I'm here now."

Raven clocked him lightly in the shoulder. "You have a knack for keeping me waiting."

Murphy smiled a bit, slightly lopsided. He liked the way she casually touched him, it had been so long since they had acted like that with each other. The last time had been when they were both still in the hospital, faces bruised and pained.

Now Raven seemed to be glowing, and Murphy decided right then and there that he was obsessed with her smile— the pearly teeth standing out against her olive skin, the curve of her lips.

The receptionist cleared her throat and handed him a clipboard. "Sign and initial please." She looked over at Raven and handed her another one. "Same for you, Miss Reyes."

Minutes later, after the receptionist finally had all the needed paperwork, they walked out of the rehab center. He glanced over at her as they started crossing toward the parking lot, watched her sure footfalls on the ground.

“Which one is yours?” Raven asked, hoisting her duffel bag higher on her shoulder. He had offered to take it earlier, but she had dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

He signaled toward his Explorer, and she cocked her head to the side. “Wouldn’t have pegged you for a Ford guy,” said.

“Ah well, you know,” Murphy shrugged, opening up the trunk for her to toss her duffel bag in. “God bless America and all that jazz.”

Raven snorted in reply, and made her way to the passenger’s side. Murphy almost asked her if she needed help, but he had a gut feeling she could handle climbing into the car, even if it was a little high, so he just walked around and got into the driver’s seat.

And he had been right, Raven handled it just fine. She grabbed a hold of the handle on the inside roof and hoisted herself up without even a grimace. Sure enough, the rehab center was a little run down and way too far away from Ark, but he couldn’t deny the fact that Raven was a hell of a lot better after spending the last few weeks there. They must’ve been doing something right.

“Where to now, Reyes?” he turned on the car, the engine purring to life.

She didn’t respond. Instead, she glided her fingers lightly across his dashboard, which was slightly cracked due to the harsh summers in Arizona.  Raven laid her palm flat on it, her eyes wandering all over his car, from the carpets to the empty backseat.

“Your car is really clean,” she said at last, and Murphy emitted a surprised laugh.

“Thanks, I vacuumed it yesterday,” he said, shaking his head. He glanced at the clock on his dashboard. “Are you hungry?”

“Is that a real question?” She replied, buckling her seatbelt. “I’ve eaten nothing but shitty hospital food for the past month. Of course I’m starving.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Octavia lifted herself up higher on the pull-up bar she had installed in her barrack. She counted her reps in her head, her ankles crossed as she pulled herself up. Her muscles were burning, still sore from her squad’s early morning run. But she was trying to make up for the couple of weeks she spent back in Ark, where her diet and fitness regimen had pretty much been thrown at the window. Jack and Jill’s strawberry milkshakes really packed a punch into her calorie intake.

Not that Lincoln had said anything when she came back. He would never. As much as she loved being able to go back to Ark, she missed him. It didn’t matter where she went, if he wasn’t there, then nothing felt like home.

There was still a little weirdness going on between them, she couldn’t deny that. But she knew he loved her. Things hadn’t exactly been calm back at camp while she was in the states. She missed a couple of routine missions, and the Afghan people they encountered in the midst of them weren’t usually friendly. Regardless of what the people back in the states thought, there was still a lot of tension between the troops and civilians there.

Most of the troops had been returned home, but Octavia and Lincoln were part of one of the various platoons that stayed behind to keep the piece. Their platoon was led by Lieutenant Cage Wallace, a hard man with a scar on his upper lip. Rumors had it that his father, Captain Dante Wallace, had forced him to enlist during the war with Iraq first started, and little by little, Cage had climbed up the ranks. Not honorably, though no one dared to say that last part very loudly. Cage wasn’t one to mess around with.

Needless to say, Lincoln and Cage butted heads almost daily. As Sergeant, Lincoln was below in rank to Cage, which in Octavia’s mind was both ridiculous and unfair. Their whole platoon respected Lincoln, trusted him to do the right thing, to be able to lead. But he could only do that when it was a squad mission. When the whole platoon was engaged, it was all in Cage’s hand. _Their lives_ were basically in Cage’s hands, and nothing terrified them more.

She also didn’t care for the way Cage looked at her sometimes, his eyes hungry on her figure, scanning up and down. Lincoln had noticed it too. He never said anything, but the vein in his neck always strained against the skin when it happened, as if he was clamping his jaw shut to be able to hold back what he really wanted to say to Cage.

Octavia knew he had to hold his tongue. Lincoln was in charge of the only co-ed squad in the platoon, an experimental effort by the Military to study the efficiency of male and female soldiers working together. There were four women in the squad—Anya, a tall no non-sense woman who’s stealth was enviable; Lexa, who at first glance might seem demure and innocent, but Octavia had seen her knock enough grown men twice her size to the ground to know she was the complete opposite; Indra, whose silence and seriousness about the Army and its humanitarian duty were both admirable and overwhelming;

And then there was Octavia.

She heard the door to her barrack open, and she opened her eyes to see who had entered the room. Lincoln peered up at her, a soft smile on his lips. Octavia grunted as she finished her last rep, and then dropped back down to the ground.

He closed the physical distance between them, and leaned in, trapping her bottom lip with teeth as they entangled into a heated kiss. She was mildly surprised, he hadn’t kissed her like this in weeks, but instead of pointing it out, she deepened the kiss, gripping his face between her hands.  

Lincoln was the one to pull away first, kissing her lips lightly once more before he separated himself from her.

“You’re in a good mood,” Octavia noted with a raised eyebrow.

“Not exactly,” Lincoln rubbed at the back of his head. “But I just wanted to see you anyway.”

Her brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

Lincoln shrugged nonchalantly and sat on Octavia’s bunk. “Same as usual,” he said in a clipped tone.

She sat beside him and lowered her voice. “Cage?”

Lincoln nodded, and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I overheard Emerson telling Lovejoy that Cage wanted to pull you from my squad.”

Shock flashed over her face, and she didn’t bother to hide it. “Wait, what?” Out of all the things she could’ve expected Cage to want to do, this was furthest from her mind. “Why?”

“Apparently, because our experimental co-ed squad has been performing better than initially expected, he wants to expand the program within our platoon and add another co-ed squad.”

“Okay, but why does he want to pull me out of yours?” She asked, tucking the wayward strands of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ears. “There are plenty of women in our company that can be added to our platoon. The logical action is to form a new squad.”

“When has logical ever described Cage?” Lincoln whispered back.

“So what, he wants to lead this new squad or something?” Octavia snorted, rolling her eyes. Lincoln didn’t reply immediately and she scanned his face for what that meant, finding his features serious and morose. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she said, scoffing. “He’s a _lieutenant,_ he doesn’t lead squads.”

Lincoln shook his head. He leaned forward, balancing his elbows on his knees. “I’m going to keep an ear out for more information, and when I find out more, I’m going to talk to Captain Wallace. Cage might be his son, but he’s not above the rules.”

Octavia nodded and rubbed a reassuring hand across his back. She leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, pleased to see him smile afterward.

“I’m sorry I’ve been kind of distant lately,” Lincoln said, tracing her lips with the tips of his fingers. “You don’t deserve that.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” She kissed his palm. “So why don’t you go ahead and tell me what that was all about?”

Octavia couldn’t deny to herself how upset she still was over that. Lincoln had always been warm toward her, always talked to her when he was bothered about something. They communicated, on and off the field, and that was what made their relationship so strong. Without that, they felt unbalanced.

“A couple of weeks ago,” Lincoln began, “I overheard some guys in the platoon talking about how I can’t do my job properly because we’re together. They said that I was putting at risk the entire squad because at the end of the day, if it came down to saving you versus saving the rest of the team, I’d always choose you.”

“Lincoln—”

“They’re not wrong, O.”

Octavia sighed, and laid a hand on his knee. She looked up at him and the look of pure adoration he shot back at her almost overwhelmed her.

“If it came down to it, I’m always going to choose you—Over the squad, over myself, over the entire damn company out in this god-forsaken desert.” He held her face between his hands. “And I know that makes me a liability, but I can’t help it. I tried, but it didn’t feel natural. I hate pushing you away.”

“You don’t have to push me away to be a good leader,” Octavia burrowed herself in his arms. “Plus, you know I can take care of myself. I’m a bad-ass.”

Lincoln laughed, tracing patters over her arms. “That you are,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven knew she shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t resist. The second Murphy was out of sight inside the In-N-Out, she popped open the hood of his car and took a look at what was there. His SUV wasn’t new, so she wasn’t expecting a shiny new engine – it certainly didn’t run like it had one. But as clean as his car was on the interior, under the hood proved to be a whole different story.

“What is this abuse?” she muttered under her breath as she swiped a finger across the slightly rusted top of the engine. It was as if Murphy had never once changed the oil, had a tune-up, or even oiled the engine valves. It was a miracle this thing hadn’t broken down on him yet.

She went inside the car again, opening up the glove compartment. Of course Murphy would be the type to keep spare napkins in his car, and she was glad for it. It wasn’t as if they had any rags lying around she could use. She grabbed a handful of them, seeing that they were the thin papery kind people got at fast food joints.

Once she was back at the open hood of his car, she pulled on the oil dipstick out. She exhaled loudly as she saw the dipstick fully. Not only did the car need its oil changed, but it needed oil to be added as well. She rubbed the black liquid on her fingers, frowning at the residue left behind.

“Raven?” Murphy had snuck up behind her, an In-N-Out to-go bag in one hand and a drink carrier in the other. He gestured with his chin toward the open hood. “What are you doing?”

“When was the last time you got your oil changed?” Raven asked while wiping her hands on the napkins.

Murphy stunned for a second. “Uhh… No idea. A while I guess.”

“You’re supposed to get it changed every 3,000 miles or around every three months,” she said with a hand on her hip. She was sure she looked every bit the nagging mother, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why someone would neglect their car. It was what literally took them everywhere—to work, to home, to whatever the hell you needed to go.

He snorted at her, shaking his head. “Please, that’s just a gimmick by mechanics to rip you off.”

At this, she had to laugh. It was sudden and abrupt, and the need to laugh, to actually laugh felt so foreign to her. For a bit, she had forgotten who she was with. Ever since they were in the hospital, Murphy had found some way to make her really laugh, and she couldn’t explain why because he wasn’t exactly funny all the time. He could be kind of mean, but then again so could she. Maybe she couldn’t explain it to herself because it wasn’t meant to be explained, but felt.

“You know, just to prove you wrong, I’ll change your oil myself—free of charge,” Raven said after her laugh died down.

“You?” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to change my oil?”

She tilted her head slightly to one side. “Why are you so surprised? Can’t a girl know her way around an engine?”

“Look I get it,” Murphy said, watching as she closed the hood and shook her hands on her jeans. “You’re an engineer, you could probably handle it.”

“You think I’m an engineer?” Raven said, pushing a tongue against her cheek.

At this he just looked confused. “All those gadgets at your house, you have to be. If not you must be a fucking brilliant mechan—” He stopped short, and squinted his blue eyes. “You’re a fucking brilliant mechanic is what you are.”

“And I don’t rip people off,” she said, satisfied when she saw the tips of his ears turn pink. “Now hand over the food.”

They ended up eating in the trunk of Murphy’s car. He left the trunk door open, as well as lowered all the windows in the SUV. The trunk space was both empty enough and spacious for them to sit against opposite sides with their legs comfortably crossed. Sure, they could have eaten inside, but it was rush lunch hour, and one of the many things Raven found that both of them disliked was crowds.

She had been worried at first when she asked Murphy to pick her up from the rehab center. She was scared of sounding needy to someone she barely knew, and she was scared of what Murphy would expect from her once he did her the favors she’d asked of him. But she shouldn’t have been. Murphy had handed her new apartment key over soon after they’d left the rehab center, no comment said about it besides a simple and snarky, “You’re welcome.”

Now, she watched him bite into his cheeseburger, the flash of white teeth as they took a huge chunk of it, mayo and ketchup and sauce all threatening to dribble out of the bottom of the wrapper.

She dipped a fry into her vanilla shake, and Murphy grimaced at her as he chewed.

“That’s fucking gross,” he said.

“No, it’s fucking good.”

He scrunched up his eyes as he watched her dip another fry into the milkshake. “I’m pretty sure you’re committing a capital crime in my trunk right now.”

“It’s sweet and salty,” Raven said, taking a bite of her fry. “What is so wrong about it?”

“You’re dipping a greasy food into a dairy product. You don’t see something wrong with that?”

She smiled, a little forlorn. Her mind quickly breezed over memories of her childhood. She’s practiced glazing over the bad parts that skimming back into her past is not painful anymore. Flashes of McDonald’s happy meals and toys she would lose at a later date when her mom moved them once again came into her head, and she got a little nostalgic.

“I’ve always done it,” she said. “I remember my mom used to do it all the time when we ate out, only after she dipped her fries in her shake, she would dip it in the ketchup.” She laughed. “I had to cross the line somewhere, though.”

He looked at her curiously, and took a sip of his soda. It occurred to her that this was the first time she had talked about her mom, and she wondered if he remembered Finn’s comment on her all those weeks ago in the hospital. He probably did, but she knew Murphy wasn’t one to bring it up and for that she was thankful.

Instead he asked her, “Did you grow up in Ark?”

She shook her head. “No, and I’m guessing you didn’t either since you’re asking me.”

“Yeah I moved there about a few years ago, but as you can probably guess, I tend to keep to myself.”

“Same. I’ve been there since Finn started college.” She sighed, shrugging. “We moved the summer after graduating high school.”

Murphy raised his eyebrows, whistling. “So you’ve been there a while. Where are you originally from then?”

At this, Raven started fiddling with the buckles on her new brace. “Everywhere.” She nipped at her lip. “Nowhere.”

The silence that stretched after her statement made time feel like it had stopped. As if the cars had stopped moving, the wind stopped blowing, and the sun stop its orbit. She peered up at him, watched how he had put down his half-eaten burger. He was facing outside, the planes of his face shadowed by the sun. Raven could have sworn he had briefly clenched his jaw, but it had been so quick she could have also imagined it. She waited for him to say something. Maybe they were more alike than she had initially thought.

“I grew up in Seattle,” he said at last.

“I never went to Seattle.”

He smiled wistfully. “Where did you go then?”

“I was born in Texas, but I’ve lived in Georgia, Florida… Alabama for a brief period, and finally moved to Colorado when I was about thirteen,” she pursed her lips. “That’s where I met Finn.” She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. “What about you? What made you come to Ark? Arizona is a long way from Washington State.”

“The farther the better, trust me,” he replied cryptically.

She emitted a breathy laugh. “Are you on the run or something like that?”

“Something like that,” he muttered.

Raven knew she should leave it at that. But he had perked up her curiosity and she couldn’t resist pushing for more information.

“Something like what?” she said, slowly, carefully.

Murphy regarded her, and stuffed a couple fries into his mouth. He drew one knee up to his chest, the other leg stretched out in front of him. “I wasn’t,” he started. “I’m not the same person that left Seattle. And that’s a good thing. The Murphy from Seattle wouldn’t have picked you up today, hell he wouldn’t even be a cop. He would probably be in jail, to be honest.” He laughed bitterly, wiping a hand across his face. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” Raven repeated.

“Probably more than I should.”

“Dip your fry into my milkshake,” she said.

Murphy startled for the second time that day before laughing. That was exactly what Raven was trying to do. Things for a second had gotten a little too deep, a little too fast. If they had kept on going with the conversation, they would have ended up baring all their skeletons in their closets, and she knew neither of them were ready for that. _She wasn’t ready for that._ While someone else, like Finn, would have been disappointed that she had steered the conversation in a different direction,  who would have urged her that avoiding the conversation was the worse thing she could do and that she should just talk about it to get it over with, Murphy was different. They weren’t avoiding the conversation, simply postponing it. Murphy’s trunk wasn’t the place to have it.

“What are you waiting for?” she held out her milkshake, goading him on.

He bit his lip, and his gaze on her was searing, blue eyes electric in the shadow of the sun.

“Fine,” he said dipping not one fry, but two into her milkshake. “But if I throw up, I’m barfing all over you.”

He dramatically winced when he chewed on the fries, and Raven waited expectantly for him to tell her she was right and that the combination was delicious.

“It’s not horrible,” he said after he swallowed. “But the different consistencies are awkward.”

“Oh my god,” Raven said, giggling. “Just admit that you liked it.”

Murphy grinned. “I might’ve liked it,” he held his hand in the air, squeezing his thumb and forefinger in the air. “A little bit.”

And then he laughed and dipped another fry into her milkshake, his had accidentally brushing up against her braced leg. Murphy didn’t react, though the buckles must’ve chafed up against his skin.

That moment made everything feel so normal, as if they did this all the time. Raven wanted to do this all the time, and the realization terrified her. She had already been dependent on Finn for for too long, and now she was becoming dependent to Murphy. She could feel it.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said with a forced smile. “I’m fine.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed chapter 10! This was definitely a chapter I've been looking forward to writing for a while. I'm DYING to finally be able to get into Murphy and Raven's backstories, so it's possible we'll have some flashbacks in future chapters. This story was originally supposed to only be 6 parts and honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if this story ended up being 20+ chapters. I'm aware there is a lot going on, but I promise everything relates to each other. I just found the opportunity in this story to explore different plots in a the 100 modern AU-verse that have been floating in my head for a while. 
> 
> I hope you guys stick with me through it. Thank you so much for all of you that are reading. Hearing your thoughts is always motivating. The next chapter probably won't be up until June because I'm going to be abroad for a couple weeks. I'll try to get some writing done while I'm travelling, but we know how that usually goes. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you thought of this chapter :)


	11. The Pact

_How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame,_

 

Raven knew Murphy had noticed her silence. They hadn’t spoken since they had finished eating. There had been a shift between them, something had changed and Raven had felt it. One minute they were just talking, empty words being said into the air, and then the next they had both dove into their pasts.  While she still didn’t know much about Murphy, and he didn’t know much about her, they had shared snippets of their demons, not enough to overwhelm but just enough for Raven to realize how quickly she was letting Murphy in.

And it scared her.

It had scared her shitless when Murphy accidentally brushed up against her brace because it felt _normal_. He hadn’t even flinched, and just thinking about how nonchalant he was about a part of her she hadn’t yet come to terms with made her eyes want to well up with tears. They didn’t of course, because Raven didn’t cry in public. Not if she could avoid it.

Her head bobbed as she rested it against the car window, watching the streets go by. Murphy had his phone connected to the aux cord dangling from his radio, and he had the music turned up. Through her peripheral vision, she could see him mouthing along to the Gun’s N Roses song that had come on.

When they pulled up to the familiar sight of her apartment building, Raven sat up, brushing back the stray strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail. She felt a smile form on her lips as they slid into the parking lot. After all those weeks in the hospital and in the rehab center, she really missed home.

The minute Murphy had parked the car, she thanked him for taking her home and made to leave, but he locked the doors.

She looked at him as if he’d grown a second head, furrowing her brows. “What?”

In response, Murphy shrugged his shoulders at her. “You tell me.” When Raven stared back at him blankly, knowing exactly what she was doing, he continued. “I knew this would happen,” he said, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

“Knew what would happen?”

“You insist I tell you about Seattle, I do and then you don’t say anything to me the whole way back here,” he said.

Raven was taken by surprise. “You think this is about what you told me?”

“If you don’t want me around anymore, at least have the balls to tell me,” he said, ignoring her question. “I don’t play games, Reyes, and I’m not a mind-reader.”

“Murphy, calm down,” Raven said, putting a hand on his forearm. “It’s not about what you told me. I don’t give a shit about Seattle.” When she saw the look in his face, she rolled her eyes. “I mean, it’s super interesting and I’m curious as to who you were back then—I have a couple guesses by the way—but nothing that you said makes me not want to have you around.”

“Then I obviously did something you didn’t like.”

“It’s not—” Raven exhaled sharply. “I just don’t want to feel like I have to–” She brought her hands to her face to rub at her temples and Murphy turned his torso to fully face her.

“Have to what?” he shrugged.  “Owe me?” Murphy snorted. “You think I’m going to cash in on all these favors or something?”

When Raven didn’t respond, he whistled through his teeth, shaking his head. “You must have terrible friends.”

“Believe it or not, my friendship circle is kind of limited,” Raven muttered. “More so now than ever,” she said, thinking of how things had ended up with Clarke. Since that day at the hospital more than a month ago, they hadn’t spoken.

“Yeah so is mine, but I don’t go around thinking the worst—”Murphy rolled his eyes. “Okay maybe I do, but I can promise you, this is a no strings attached friendship.”

She raised an eyebrow. “No strings attached friendship? What does that even mean?”

“It means that we can be friends, but we don’t keep score.” When he noticed that Raven still had the same blank look on her face, he decided to clarify further. “It means that we hang out when we want to hang out, without any pretense of obligation. You don’t want to hang out? Fine, we don’t hang out—no explanation needed.”

“What about favors?” Raven said. “I’ve asked you to do your fair share.”

He shrugged. “If we want to do them, we do them. But we don’t have to.”

Raven considered this for a minute and Murphy rolled his eyes. “And if you decide that you don’t want me around anymore, we say it,” he said. “Just like that. No pretenses, no fake polite nonsense.”

“Just like that, huh?” Raven said, a small smile on her lips. “I’m in if you are.”

She extended her hand out to him and he looked at her blankly.

“Let’s shake on it,” she said, wiggling her hand.

“Fine, but I’m not going to spit on it or anything weird,” Murphy said shaking her hand and she couldn’t help but let out a surprised giggle.

“You want to come up? Order some pizza?”

“You’re hungry again?” Murphy smirked, but jumped out of the car regardless.

“For later, stupid,” Raven said. “We can just hang for now.”

* * *

 

In the short span of time since Clarke had begun seeing Bellamy Blake, her fascination with his hands had spiked. He had just gotten his cast off his forearm a few days prior, and the doctor said his radius had healed beautifully—which was a good thing, because now that Bellamy had the full use of both his hands and arms, he was definitely putting them to use.

He liked to lay it on her knee whenever he got a chance, and sometimes his fingers would wander ever so slightly up her thigh.

Something told her that this man would be the death of her once his leg finished healing.

For now though, she had regained a forgotten appreciation for making out.

Bellamy had kissed her that night of the bar all those weeks ago—a deep lingering kiss that had made her come back for more and then some even though she had told herself that she needed more time to get over Finn.

But when Bellamy’s lips trailed over the shell of her ear as she was sprawled on his lap, she all but forgot her own name.

This man was _good._

“Bellamy,” she gasped as his teeth grazed down her neck. “The food’s going to get cold.”

They had ordered Thai, and it had been sitting on his kitchen island for about 15 minutes. Getting Bellamy up from the couch proved to be harder than she initially thought as he pulled her down to his lap and told her he was hungry for something other than noodle pad Thai.

“I have a microwave,” Bellamy said going for her lips once more.

Clarke couldn’t refute that logic, especially when he was such a good kisser. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and she let her hands cling to his hair, her fingers running through his mussed curls. She heard him groan softly. Over the last few weeks, Clarke had found that Bellamy loved it when she played with his hair. The thought caused her to smile, which in turn made him smile against her lips and within seconds they laughed against each other’s mouths.

“I love kissing you,” Bellamy said candidly, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

Clarke was about to reply something witty when her phone on the coffee table began to vibrate with an incoming call. This time, it was her turn to groan.

“It’s my mother,” Clarke said. “I’m sorry, I have to take this.” She got up from Bellamy’s lap, feeling how his hands held on to her hips until she was out of reach.

She walked into the kitchen and leaned against the island.

“Hello?” She took the opportunity to start unpacking the takeout she and Bellamy had been ignoring.

“Hey honey. I know it’s your night off, but we’re a little short-staffed at the hospital. Do you think you can come in tonight?”

“Why are we short-staffed? I thought Jackson was scheduled for tonight’s shift.”

“He is, but a couple of our nurses were a no-show tonight—one of them called in sick and the other had a family emergency.”

Sensing Clarke’s silence on the line, Abby continued.

“It wouldn’t be a full-shift,” Abby said. “We just need some help with a couple of the overnight patients. You’ll be out by midnight.”

Clarke sighed and she spotted Bellamy making his way over to her with his new crutches, his eyebrows drawn together. He leaned up beside her on the kitchen island.

“What time do you want me to come in?” Clarke said.

“Can you make it in an hour?”

Clarke looked at the time on Bellamy’s stove, seeing it read 6:53 p.m.

“Yeah, I can be there in an hour.”

As soon as she hung up the phone, Bellamy sighed.

“Guess this means a quick dinner.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just work,” Clarke said.

Bellamy shook his head, rubbing her back. “No need to apologize, I get it. Let’s eat and then I’ll drive you over.”

“Taking advantage of your newfound mobility, huh?” Clarke said, eyeing his crutches.

He smiled, the dimples in his cheeks deepening. “They’re a heck of a lot better than that damn wheelchair, I’ll tell you that.”

Clarke grabbed their takeout and made a beeline for the small table in the breakfast nook area. “That damn wheelchair helped you get around for the last six weeks.”

They settled on the table, sitting adjacent to each other. Clarke opened up the contents of the Styrofoam boxes, handing one to Bellamy. For the last six weeks, hanging around Bellamy had felt as natural as breathing. Sure they butted heads once in a while—Bellamy was unbelievably proud and stubborn, and so was she—but normal activities like eating takeout at his place or heading to the grocery store together when Bellamy still needed a little bit of help doing normal tasks felt seamless.

That was something that she never had with Finn and it just made this new thing with Bellamy feel different—in a good way.

“You know it’s too bad you got called in to work,” Bellamy said. “I was hoping to get you into Game of Thrones tonight.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “So you have finally given up on getting me to watch those Smithsonian documentaries on Netflix and are now trying to get me to buy into an insanely popular TV show about dragons, blood and naked girls.”

He barked out a laugh. “That is such an oversimplification of that show—you have no idea.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “But you will. It will be my mission to make sure you do.”

“Fine but then we’re binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

“Oh please,” Bellamy said, enjoying how Clarke raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Like I haven’t seen it,” he added after Clarke opened her mouth to say something.

“How?” Clarke found herself asking, nothing masking her shock. Bellamy watching Grey’s anatomy? That didn’t make much sense.

“I do have a little sister, you know,” Bellamy said with a smile. “Before she enlisted, she used to make me watch it with her—one TV in the house.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you’re caught up.”

“Listen, if all you want me to do is cry and be vulnerable in front of you,” Bellamy teased, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “all you gotta do is say so. We can have deep conversations about our souls.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

Bellamy smiled up at her from his plate, and despite it having been six weeks, his lopsided grin still had the potential to make her melt.

“Stop that,” she said pointing at Bellamy with her fork.

“Stop what?”

“Being so damn handsome.”

“Oh princess, you and I are going to have a lot of fun,” Bellamy said, winking at her. “Just you wait until I get my cast removed.”

 

* * *

 

 

Raven hopped up on her kitchen counter, surveying the now spotless apartment from her viewpoint. Murphy was tying up the last bag of trash by her front door. As he squatted, the back of his black shirt rode up, exposing the small of his back. She found her eyes wandering down to admire the curve of his ass.

“Now I know why you asked me to come up,” Murphy said.

Raven jolted. “What?”

Murphy stood up with a slight groan, wiping his hands on his thighs. “You wanted me to do all the heavy lifting after tricking me into doing the dirty work.”

At this Raven rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry that everything in my fridge was expired.”

“Expired?” Murphy raised an eyebrow. “Your food wasn’t just expired, it was petrified.”

She laughed. “Well I have been gone for a while.”

Murphy made his way over to the refrigerator, now empty save for a liter of Coca Cola, a bottle of tabasco and a case of beer.

“You’ll need groceries,” he said.

“Not today. I don’t want to go to the store.”

Murphy closed the fridge door. “Wasn’t offering,” he said with a smirk. “I’m gonna have a beer. I feel like I earned it. Want one?”

Raven nodded, watching as he held both beers in one hand by the necks and dug in his pocket with his other searching for his keys. It didn’t surprise her that he had a bottle opener in his keychain. He popped both open, a slight hiss escaping.

“How did I know you would be a Blue Moon girl?” Murphy handed her one of the beers.

“Tastes better than PBR and it’s cheaper than Medalla,” she said, clinking her bottle with his before taking a sip.

“At least it’s not Corona.” He pulled up a chair from the kitchen table, sitting backwards on it to face her.

“Corona tastes like piss.”

Murphy hid his grin behind the bottle. He gestured to the pile of scrap metal on the table behind him. “So do you ever actually eat at the table or is it just a makeshift workbench?”

She drew her eyebrows together, trying to remember the last time she ate at the table. She couldn’t. “I usually eat on the couch to be honest—or at Finn’s.” She shrugged.

Wincing, she wondered if she should have brought his name up. Before she had time to mull over that thought, Murphy continued on without an awkward pause.

“What exactly is it you’re building?” He reached back to run his finger along one of the parts on the table.

“Not building,” Raven said with a secretive smile. “Restoring.”

Murphy raised an eyebrow and she gestured toward the front door. “Come on, I’ll show you,” she said.

She started to hop off the counter, but before she could move, he glided over to her, putting his hands on her waist, the beer bottle’s perspiration staining her shirt. He helped her off the counter, her shirt riding up a little. Goosebumps raised across her skin thanks to the cold bottle pressed against her waist. For a moment, every sensation was heightened.

Raven murmured her thanks, turning toward the door quickly so that he wouldn’t notice the flush that crept up her neck.

They made their way out of the apartment and down the stairs. Going down proved to be easier than heading up for Raven, something which she would have to address at some point. Not that day though, she had just gotten home.

They crossed the parking lot and walked behind the apartments to a row of storage units.

“It’s not quite like having a house with a garage, but it’s something,” Raven said. They approached unit 9, and she knelt down on her good knee to unlock it. Murphy bent down to help her lift the door up, the metallic pinging sound loud in the twilight evening.

Murphy let out a long whistle when he saw what she stored inside.

Raven ran her hands down the faded red hood of the vintage convertible. “It’s a 1957 Ford Thunderbird. It needs a little more love to get it going, but it’s been my project for the past year.”

Murphy raised his eyebrows, impressed. “How’d you find it?”

“One of the guys at work—his name’s Kyle but he goes by his last name, Wick—likes to snoop around the car auctions outside of town. I went along with him one day and there it was. I got a pretty good deal on it considering it’s a collectible. It can’t run and it needs a lot of cosmetic work,” she said as she drummed her fingers on the hood, “but it has good bones.”

“All about potential,” Murphy said, eyeing the rust on the car’s shell.

Raven smiled at that and pulled open the driver’s side door. “Hop in.”

“You just said it doesn’t run.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t pretend.”

He rolled his eyes, but slid in the passenger’s side anyways. He shifted uncomfortably against a hard spring jutting into his tailbone and Raven snickered.

“Yeah, the seat need to be reupholstered,” she said.

She put her hands on the steering wheel and let out a long satisfied sigh. “I can’t wait till this baby is ready to taste new gravel.”

Murphy raised an eyebrow. “It might be a while. As is stands, this thing looks like a very old death trap.”

“Please, these cars were some of the best ever made. Not like the tin cans that get sold nowadays.”

“I guess we would know a thing or two about tin can cars, huh?” Murphy pursed his lips.

“They definitely don’t make them like they used to,” Raven agreed. “I can tell you something though. If that truck had hit this car, I would’ve probably been more pissed about the incredible dent it would’ve put in my baby.”

“Aren’t you incredibly upset about your pickup truck?” Murphy said, lolling his head back on the seat.

“I think I just miss driving,” Raven said with a sigh. “I just miss the freedom of doing things on my own.”

Murphy fell quiet, and she looked over from the corner of her eye at him. He looked contemplative, arms crossed as his eyes fixed themselves on the waning sunset visible from between the rows of apartments.

“Raven, no one is going to hold you back anymore,” he said finally. He lolled his head toward her, a small smirk on his lips. “You’re home. You can go back to doing whatever the hell you want.”

 

* * *

 

 

Monty checked his watch as he stood outside the movie theater. The film was starting in 15 minutes and Jasper and Maya still hadn’t arrived. Harper looked up from her phone and looped her hand around his bicep.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine if we go in and grab seats,” she said. “Jasper knows you hate missing the previews, plus I want to grab some popcorn.”

Monty pursed his lips. They had agreed to meet at the theater at 7 p.m. to catch the showing of a new Indie sci-fi flick that was only going to be screened that weekend.  Jasper was usually good about being punctual, but as time went on, Monty got more worried that something had happened.

Working as a paramedic did that to you. Once you saw all the horrible accidents that people could get into, such scenarios tended to stick around in your mind.

“Let me just call him,” Monty said.

He started dialing Jasper’s phone number when he saw him across the parking lot. He waved with one hand, the other tucked inside his front jean pocket. Monty sighed and put his phone away.

Jasper looked both ways before quickly crossing the parking lot at a half-jog. He leaned in to kiss Harper on the cheek before clapping Monty on the back.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said.

“Where’s Maya?” Harper asked, craning her neck around Jasper to see if she was trailing behind him.

“She’s not feeling well today. Her fibro is really kicking her in the butt today.” He shrugged, and Monty knew that despite his seemingly unaffected attitude, Maya’s constant health problems worried him.

“I offered to stay home with her,” Jasper continued, “but she knows we’ve been waiting months for this movie. She wouldn’t let me stay.”

“I hope she feels better,” Harper said, reaching over and squeezing his arm. “I’ll call her when I get home.”

They scurried inside and managed to grab concessions fairly quickly. When Monty had first started dating Harper, he had worried about what Jasper would think. They had known Harper since elementary school, and had been good friends in high school. Monty had always had a crush on her, but she had her eye on Jasper when they were in Ark high.

Not that it had mattered much then, since Jasper was all about Octavia at the time. Things seemed to have worked themselves out their junior year though, when Monty finally made a move on Harper. It had progressed slowly, but he counted his blessings every time he looked at her.

Not many people stay together with their high school sweetheart, but Monty was glad they were the exception.

“How’s Octavia doing?” Monty said as they sat down in the theater. It was pretty empty, save for a couple people in the very last row. “Have you talked to her since she went back?”

“Here and there,” Jasper said popping a handful on sno-caps in his mouth. “She and her boyfriend made up, so she’s a lot happier now.”

“Things in the Middle East are pretty gnarly right now,” Harper said. “Do you know if she will re-enlist? Her four years are almost over, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, but you know how she is,” Jasper said.

“I do know,” Harper said with a raised eyebrow and short laugh. “You should have seen her when she stormed in to see Bellamy after his accident.”

Jasper smiled. “I can imagine. O’s always been a force of nature.”

Monty and Harper exchanged a quick glance. Jasper might’ve moved on from Octavia, but his awe for her was truly never-ending. Of course he loved her, he always would, but his love for Maya was of a different caliber.

“You think I have time to use the bathroom before it starts?” Jasper whispered as lights dimmed and the previews began.

Monty jolted out of his thoughts and nodded. It’s not like Jasper payed much attention to the previews as he and Harper did. Besides, he knew he wasn’t really going to use the bathroom. He eyed Jasper as he hopped down the lit-up stairs, his hands tucked in his pockets.

“He’s going to call Maya, isn’t he?” Harper whispered once Jasper exited the theater.

“Yep.”

Harper sighed and reached over to grab his hand, awkward because of the arm rest in between them. With one swift move, Monty lifted it up and pulled Harper closer to his chest, their shared popcorn balancing in between their pressed thighs.

“I can’t imagine dating someone who is always sick,” Harper said.

“He loves her.”

Harper smiled, albeit a bit sadly. “You and I know it still takes a toll.” She breathed deeply. “Well, we might not know firsthand like he does, but we’ve seen enough people.”

Monty pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Regretting majoring in nursing already?” He said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You’ve only been working for a year.”

Harper looked up at him, rolling her eyes, but smiling. “Of course not.” She reached up and kissed him softly, once, twice. Monty tilted her chin up with his forefinger, giving her one last ardent brush of his lips.

“If we keep this up, we’re gonna miss the previews,” Monty said.

“Can’t have that, now can we?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... I'm almost a year late with this chapter. But it's here? Don't kill me? lol 
> 
> In all honesty, I have been working on this story this entire time. I just didn't always have time to sit down and write, and for those of you who don't know, I was in my last year of college (studying journalism) and I was juggling internships, class, work and the college newspaper--so I was writing, just not fanfiction. 
> 
> I just graduated though! And I'm now unemployed haha, which means I have time, in between applying for jobs, to write! So hopefully, the next chapter won't take a year ;) I hope you guys are still interested in this story! I have a pretty good idea where it's going so, stay tuned :)
> 
> Also, all the canon murven this season has been ah-mazing and totally unexpected. 
> 
> \- Jarleene


	12. The Revelation: Part I

_And I still don't understand,_

 

_2 weeks later_

 

Raven turned her head to the side abruptly, dodging a drop of liquid from the car above her. She bit her lip as she flashed a small light above her, trying to identify the source of the leak. The 2014 Ford focus wasn’t yet old enough to need a new transmission, and she had a strong suspicion that the leaking substance was coolant fluid, so she took a closer look at the car’s radiator.

“I was right, as usual,” Raven said. “They have a hole in their radiator.”

She wheeled herself out from under the car, glancing to where her coworker, Kyle Wick, sat on a stool by their red toolbox.

Wick grimaced. “They’re not gonna be happy. A new radiator can sure put a dent in someone’s wallet.”

“They were worried it was the transmission,” she replied, grunting as she lifted herself off the floor. Wick gave her a cursory glance, his eyes drifting to her brace, but said nothing. “I’m sure they’ll be relieved it isn’t,” she said, wiping her hands on a rag.

She’d been back at the shop for a week, but despite the months that she had taken off due to the accident, it felt like she had never left. Raven missed her job—it might be one a lot of people weren’t proud to have nowadays, but working with cars was her passion. Well, mechanics was her passion, but cars were the best outlet for her to unleash her magic, so to speak.

She missed having her own car to drive to work, but at the moment she couldn’t really afford to buy another good truck, and all the cheap ones currently on the market in the area were worth less than what they were being sold for.

So Murphy once again was coming to her rescue. He dropped her off every morning at the shop and picked her up a little after 5 when she got off. It helped that they both currently had a 9-5 job schedule, seeing as Murphy was still on desk duty at the station.

Not that he was happy about it, she’d had to hear him whine about it almost every chance he got. They were hanging out daily now, usually at her place after work or grabbing dinner around town.  He’d stay over until nighttime, and normally went home just after 9.

As for Finn, things were still complicated. She had a doctor’s appointment in Phoenix tomorrow that he was taking her to. She knew he had the day off from classes, and he had insisted on being at every appointment possible.

Her phone buzzed from its place atop her toolbox and she looked at the screen, seeing Murphy’s text that he was on his way.

“Your friend coming to pick you up today too?” Wick asked, crossing his arms.

“You ask the same thing every day,” Raven replied, hopping onto the stool beside him.

“And every day I get the same answer,” Wick said, his lips forming a half-smile. “You know, I get off at the same time you do. I have no problem taking you home—especially if that involves dinner afterward.”

Raven gave him a questioning glance and he bobbed his head and shrugged.

“I saw you the other day at Jack and Jill’s,” he admitted. Wick licked his lips and cleared his throat. “Is Finn okay with you spending all of your time with this guy?”

Raven sighed. She hadn’t exactly informed the world of her new relationship status, and Finn still dropped by occasionally to bring her lunch, so it wasn’t like it was obvious.

“Finn and I broke up,” she said, and Wick’s eyebrows shot up his forehead.

“No shit?”

“It’s complicated,” Raven looked down at her hands, picking at some grease still buried underneath her fingernails. “But I can assure you. Finn doesn’t dictate who I can or can’t have dinner with.”

“Are you booked every night?” Wick said, his words slow and cautious.

Raven wasn’t dumb. She felt the way Wick’s eyes lingered on her when she thought she wasn’t paying attention. It was flattering, it really was—but dating coworkers usually ended up in disaster. And with Wick it would be. He wasn’t someone she saw a future with lasting longer than a one-night stand.  Not that she knows much about one-night stands, she’s only ever been with Finn.

“I’m not sure—” Raven began, but her words were halted as their boss, Sinclair, walked out into the garage from his office.

“Hey, weren’t you guys only scheduled until 5?” Sinclair asked, looking at his watch.

“I’m waiting for my ride home,” Raven said, glad for the interruption.

“Still no car?” Sinclair pulled up a stool next to her.

“Nope.”

“How is it my best mechanic doesn’t have any wheels right now?” Sinclair winked at her and Raven smiled and rolled her eyes when Wick made a sound of protest. “Ignore him, Raven. I do.”

“You guys are killing me,” Wick said, and Raven laughed.

She turned to Sinclair. “I’m looking, but you know how much I loved my truck. It’s not easy finding a replacement.”

“Better finding a replacement for the truck than for you,” Sinclair said, laying a fatherly hand on her knee. “I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” Raven smiled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Murphy’s SUV pull into the lot of the shop, and she tried to quell the impending fluttering in her stomach that ignited every time she saw him. She hopped off the stool, and grabbed her backpack from where it lay next to the toolbox.

“Tell the couple that they need a new radiator,” She said, gesturing to the silver Ford Focus.

She said her goodbyes and made her way across to Murphy’s SUV. As he saw her approach, he opened her door from the inside and she hoisted herself up.

Murphy greeted her, asking her what she wanted to have for dinner today. His overgrown bangs flopped over his blue eyes, and he pushed them back to look at her.  She had an overwhelming urge to brush them back herself, but instead she replied to his question.

“There’s this new taco truck I’ve been dying to try,” she said.

 

* * *

 

 

Murphy handed the crumpled ten-dollar bill to the man inside the taco truck, nodding in thanks as he handed him two Modelos and his change. He grabbed both bottles by the necks in one hand, using his other to stuff the few ones into his pocket.

Murphy made his way back to the bench Raven was sitting, her good leg crossed over the braced one. She was munching on a taco as he sat down. She thanked him with her mouth full and Murphy shrugged in response, prying open his beer with the opener on his keys.

Raven held her beer out for him and without having to verbally ask, he went ahead and opened it for her as well.

“You’re a hell of a slow eater, you know that right?” he said, smiling as he took a swig.

“These tacos are not meant to be devoured,” she said after swallowing a mouthful of carnitas taco, the ones with the authentic corn soft tortilla. “They’re meant to be savored.” She glanced idly to where the crumpled wrapper of his burrito lay beside him. “Not that you would know, since you didn’t even order them.”

“There were things on that menu I have never in my life heard of,” Murphy said in defense.

“You’ve never heard of chicken? _Of beef_?”  Raven replied, her eyebrow arched.

“Oh you want to get sassy with me, Reyes?” Murphy said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Is that it?”

“Question. Was it the fresh onions in the tacos that threw you off or the chopped up tomatoes in the salsa?”

“Okay that’s it, I don’t have to take this,” Murphy closed the space between them and took a huge bite of the taco still in her hand, Raven letting out a high-pitched squeal he had never heard before. It was girly and carefree, and when he looked at her as she pushed him away, she wore a grin so wide he thought her face would split.

“Jonathan!” She slugged him _hard_ on the shoulder, and he forced himself to swallow quickly so that he could laugh.

“You’re right, that’s a fucking good taco.”

He liked moments like these with her. They were effortless, and she gave as good as he did. He’d never had that with anyone before. He was so used to keeping people at an arm’s length at all times—including Bellamy who he considered a good friend.

At least he did before Raven came along.

He hated to admit it, but his favorite part of the day was picking her up after work and spending the evenings together. It was fun—she made him try out all kinds of different restaurants and hole-in-the-wall places around Ark, and after dinner, sometimes they would just spend hours watching TV at her place. Other times they’d walk around the park by her apartment, which helped her get more and more used to her brace.

The other night, they had wandered into Raven’s garage after dinner and he sat in a stool while she tinkered on her Thunderbird. Watching her work had also quickly become one of his favorite things. He liked the crease that formed between her eyebrows, the way she bit at her lip as she shone a light inside the hood.

But he would never admit to any of this.

“You owe me a taco,” Raven said as she finished her last bite.

Murphy tilted his head as a new thought formed. “Hey, you’re…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

He could feel the curiosity radiating off her in waves, and he immediately regretted starting the conversation.

“Tell me.”

She nudged him lightly in the ribs, raising her bottle to her lips and looking at him expectantly. Murphy sighed and crossed his left ankle to rest on his knee. He turned his body toward her.

“Your mom was Mexican right?”

Caught off guard, Raven simply nodded.

“How come she gave you her last name?”

Raven eyes bore into his, and he wondered for a split second if he had overstepped his bounds. But then she cleared her throat.

“I never knew my dad.” She shrugged. “According to my mom he bailed the second she told him she was pregnant with me.”

“Have you ever tried to find him?” Murphy relaxed, laying his arm across the back of the bench.

She shook her head. “Not really. I’ve never felt the urge to go find him, and honestly, I don’t feel that anything is missing without him. Like you pointed out, I have my mother’s last name, and I’m pretty much the spitting image of her—sans what the coke as done with her of course.” She took a deep breath. “My childhood was pretty fucked up, but the lack of a father had nothing to do with it.”

Murphy stared at the newfound frown on her lips, angry that he had been the one to cause it to form. Just moments before she had been happy, and he just had to go and screw it all up.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Don’t be. Now I have an excuse to ask you what I want to know.” She flashed those brown eyes of hers at him and he groaned. He knew exactly what she wanted.

“What happened in Seattle?” She asked without missing a beat. She had been waiting for an opening, and now she had one.

Now it was Murphy’s turn to sigh. He took a long drink of his beer. Raven’s eyes never left his face.

“Okay, but I’m warning you.” He pointed his beer at her. “This is going to quickly become a pity fest.”

She remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

He cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter. “Well in order for you to understand how and why things got utterly fucked up, I’ll have to start at the beginning.”

And he did.

He told her all about his parents, how he’d had a normal childhood until he was eight and his dad was murdered. Murphy was sick at home with a bad cold and his dad had gone out that night to pick up some medicine for him at the Walgreens two blocks from their apartment. He told her how he was mugged on the way home, and then shot in the head.

He told her how his mother started drinking heavily after that, how she stopped showing up to her job and the bills began to pile up on their kitchen table. Murphy stopped going to school and ended up missing the last half of second grade. One morning he woke up, and a neighbor had called child services. The last he saw of his living mom was her bawling on the living room floor as they took him away.

Murphy felt the hot tears form in his eyes, and he tried to wipe them away quickly before they fell, embarrassed. Unfortunately, one sneaked its way down the planes of his face.

Before he could get to it, Raven reached out a steady hand and wiped it away for him.

“And then?” she prompted, her eyes still holding steadfast onto his.

He continued on to tell her how he ended up in the foster system, since he had no relatives willing to care for him. He never stayed in one place for longer than a couple of months, moving from house to house, from one foster family onto the next.

Until his freshman year of high school.

He had been relocated to Rainier Valley, on the southern side of Seattle.  Very early on, he’d started mixing with the wrong crowd.

“With the potheads and kids who skip school?” Raven interjected.

“No,” Murphy shook his head. “Gang members.” He lifted the hem of his T-shirt, showing her a blotchy patch around his ribs. Raven squinted as Murphy circled a slightly lightened figure on his skin . She could just make out a triangle with some sort of swirl inside. “We all had to get Podakru’s insignia tattooed upon joining. I had mine removed after graduating from the academy.”

He’d finally had what felt like a family, a brotherhood, he told her. For the next year, the longest he’d ever spent in one place, he felt like he had a purpose. They did some horrible things, very illegal things… But for once, he was part of something.

He talked about their organized drug dealings, the petty theft. Things escalated quickly, and soon they got involved with neighboring gangs—fighting for turf and drugs.

“One night, I was walking with my friend Mbege,” Murphy said. “The streets were quiet, it was a Wednesday. Just after midnight, we ran into a couple of guys from Azgeda, one of the gangs we were fighting with. At first we were just talking big game. I didn’t think we would get into anything bigger than a fist fight.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “But then one of them pulled a knife.”

He shut his eyes tightly, reliving that night.

“They slit Mbege’s throat,” Murphy said. “They started to gang up on me, but that’s when the cops came. No matter what gang you were in, you always dropped everything when you heard the sirens.”

Murphy was detained that night, along with the other two Azgeda members. Because of Mbege’s death, the case became tougher for the State. After a couple weeks of trials and hearings, Murphy was sent to juvie at 16 years-old.

“I spent the next two years of my life there,” he said, his voice tapering to a whisper. “Best worse years of my life.”

What happened next, Murphy would have never expected. He felt arms wrap around his neck as Raven held him tightly to her. For a second, he didn’t know what to do with his hands. _Where should he put his hands?_

He settled for draping them around her waist, inevitably and unintentionally—or maybe not so much—bringing her closer to him.

“Now I’m sorry,” he heard her whisper, her breath tickling his ear. “You don’t have to tell me more right now.”

Her last words echoed in his head. _Right now._ He wasn’t sure how the hell he hadn’t scared her away yet.

He untangled himself from her, still keeping her in his arms. Their eyes met, his blue irises reflected in her deep dark chocolate ones. He could feel her exhale, their noses just shy of grazing each other.

Murphy really wanted to kiss her.

He let his eyes wander to her lips and was about to fuck it all and kiss her when he felt her jolt in his arms.

They disconnected quickly, and he cleared his throat. From the corner of his eye he saw her down the rest of her beer.

“C’mon,” he said. “I’ll take you home.”

 

* * *

 

 

All Raven could think during the silent ride back to her apartment was that she should have kissed him. The moment was there. She felt it, deep in her gut where all the fluttering butterflies were bubbling, in the way her fingertips tingled where they were pressed on his shoulders. She felt it in the way her lips parted on their own accord.

But the moment didn’t _feel right_.

It killed her that it didn’t. She wanted it so badly to feel right. She wanted to have his lips pressed against hers, her hands tracing all the sharp angles of his face. She wanted to tug his bottom lip into her mouth, nip at it lightly to see if that was something he liked.

She wanted the kiss to feel right.

Now, hours later in her apartment, she switched through channels curled up on her couch. Every so often, she’d glance over to her phone, hoping he’d text or even call her. She didn’t like the way they left things.

_“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning for work.”_

_“Actually, I have that appointment Finn’s taking me to, remember?”_

_“Right…I’ll see you Monday then, I guess.”_

The whole exchange had left a bad taste in her mouth.

She took a deep breath and grabbed her phone. She scrolled to her contacts, her finger hovering over his name. Maybe calling him would be a bad idea. What would she even say if he answered?

Shaking her head, she looked up another name and called them instead.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Finn’s voice sounded surprised, and she couldn’t blame him. Since the accident, they mainly texted each other with the occasional phone call here and there. She hated to admit it, but she missed him.

“Can you come over?”

“Of course. I’ll be there in a few.”

He didn’t take long, as promised. Within the half-hour, she heard him knock. She turned off the TV and got off the couch to let him in.

He smiled and held a grocery bag in each hand. “I brought chocolate chip cookies and Moose Track ice cream.”

Her favorite. She waved him inside, shutting the door softly behind him. Finn laid the bags on her counters, not even casting a cursory glance to the carburetor on her kitchen table.

“I thought you might like something sweet,” Finn said.

“Thank you,” She reached behind him for two bowls as he opened a drawer for spoons. The familiarity of the whole sequence was comforting, and it was just what she needed.

Once they had made themselves each their cookie sundaes and had settled on the couch, Finn asked her what was wrong.

“C’mon, you can tell me,” he said.

“I don’t think you really want to hear it,” she replied.

“Try me.”

Raven picked at her ice cream with her spoon, tearing apart the cookie and blending it with the melting ice cream.

“It’s about Murphy.”

Finn grimaced, but also shrugged, and the mixed signals made her want to laugh. “I figured. I still kind of want to hear it.”

“We almost kissed today.”

“Uhuh,” Finn licked him bottom lip. “Mhmm.” He nodded. “Why just almost?”

“It didn’t feel right,” Raven said. “But it should’ve.” She took a bite of her ice cream and with her mouth still full, continued speaking. “I want to kiss him.”

“Ray, you can’t make a moment feel right. I know you like him, but maybe it’s for the best.”

“Well that’s easy for you to say,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You hate him.”

“I don’t hate him,” Finn said. “I don’t particularly like him, but I don’t hate him. I just think that you guys don’t really know each other.”

“I don’t know, we had a really good talk today. I feel like I know him now better than ever.”

“You’ve only known him for a couple of months, Raven—and half you spent in the hospital.”

“It feels longer than that.” Raven put her bowl on the coffee table.

She glanced over at Finn. He was staring into his bowl, an undecipherable look on his face. He seemed to be battling about something with himself, and Raven reached over and put a hand on his knee.

“What’s on your mind?”

Finn sighed, running a hand over his face. “I have to tell you something about Murphy.”

Her eyebrows knitted together. “What about Murphy?”

“I wasn’t going to tell you because it’s irrelevant now that the lawsuit isn’t going forward, but you need to know.”

Finn was scaring her, but she wanted to know. If Murphy was hiding something, she needed to know.

“Tell me.”

Finn opened his mouth to speak when he was cut short by three short raps on the door. There was only one person that knocked like that, and Raven hopped off from the couch as quick as she could. She opened the door and sure enough, there was Murphy.

“Hey, I know it’s late, but I just couldn’t leave things like we did.” Murphy looked nervous. He ran a hand through his hair. “Can I come in?”

Raven bit her lip. “I would, but Finn’s here.” She watched as Murphy’s face morphed from embarrassed to stone cold in less than a second.

“Oh,” was all he said. He exhaled sharply and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.” He turned and started walking away.

“Jonathan,” Raven called, stepping out in the outdoor corridor. “Where are you going? Come back here.”

Finn appeared at the door then, and Murphy turned at the same time. “Sorry, Reyes. This is one clusterfuck I don’t want to get into tonight.”

“Then why’d you even come?” Raven put a hand on her hip.

Finn laid a hand on her shoulder. “Just let him walk away. Let’s finish our conversation first.”

Raven shook off Finn’s hand, pissed that Murphy was acting like a petulant brat. “No, actually I think Murphy should hear what you have to say. Apparently, if you’re telling the truth,” she gave Finn a pointed look, “which let’s face it, it’s not your strong suit, then Murphy hasn’t been as honest as he appears.”

That made Murphy stop in his tracks, and he stalked back to her, his face twisted in anger. “How can you even say that? Especially after today?” There was a hint of hurt in his voice, but Raven was choosing to ignore it. “What more do you want from me?”

“Tell me, Finn.” Raven crossed her arms. “What is Murphy hiding from me?”

From her peripheral vision, she could tell Finn was uncomfortable. He was shifting his weight from foot to foot, his gaze fixated on the floor.

“Murphy caused your accident,” Finn said after a beat.

Raven froze.

“He wasn’t supposed to be chasing that gasoline truck that night,” Finn continued. “Him and his partner Bellamy went rogue and disobeyed their orders.”

Raven felt tears welling up in her eyes and she was about to ask Murphy if what Finn was saying was true, but one look at him told her everything she needed to know. He was the one looking at the floor now, and there was a flush creeping up from his neck.

“You weren’t supposed to be there.”  She raised her eyes to him, but he still wouldn’t make eye-contact. “Look at me,” she said through gritted teeth. “Look. At. Me.”

Murphy met her fiery gaze, shrugging. “What do you want me to say? He’s right, we disobeyed our orders. But not only that,” Murphy stepped closer to her and she took a step back, her tears flowing freely now. “It was my idea.”

Murphy banged his fist on the iron railing, his knuckles splitting. “It was my fucking idea!” he yelled and Finn flinched.

Raven just stood there, her mouth slightly agape and feeling like the sky was falling to pieces at her feet. She scanned through all of her memories of their conversations, trying to find any indication that he had not purposely hid this from her, trying to make an excuse. Then it dawned on her.

“That’s why you didn’t want me to file the lawsuit.”

At least he had the guts to look ashamed.

“Raven, I’m so—” He began, his voice uneven.

She raised a hand to stop him. She didn’t want to hear it. There was nothing he could say at that moment to make it better.

“Please leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next two will be a wild ride, but hopefully they'll be worth it. I will be out of the country for a couple weeks, so I will try to get some writing done then, but I'll only have my tablet and writing 4,000+ words on one of those can be a pain. But I will have lots of spare time, so who knows? 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Leave me a comment so I know what you think so far :) 
> 
> \- Jarleene


	13. The Revelation: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Quick note to say that everything that happens in this chapter is consensual. I might be oversensitive, but I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone. Better to be safe than sorry.****

_Just how your love could do what no one else can._

 

The cars zoomed past them on the opposite side of the highway. Finn’s hands languidly cradled the bottom of the steering wheel. His now almost shoulder-length hair was pushed behind his ears, allowing Raven a good look at the tension in his jaw. She turned away from him. They had been driving back to Ark for an hour in silence after her appointment in Phoenix. She was hoping the silence, no matter how tense it was, would last until he dropped her off at her apartment.

It wasn’t that the appointment hadn’t gone well—it had. She just wasn’t in the mood to discuss it, or the _other_ subject Finn wanted to broach with her.

She reached out to fiddle with the radio, her finger pressing down on the scan button to make things easier.

“Hey, I liked that song,” Finn said, a crooked grin forming on his lips.

Raven scoffed. “You hate Taylor Swift—as do I.”

He shrugged, and emitted a long sigh. He moved his left hand higher up on the steering wheel, his fingers drumming a nonsense pattern on it. Raven had to admit that she missed this with Finn. They had always gotten along well, seemed to understand each other… In many ways, Finn saved her from herself throughout the years. This time was different, as much as she wanted to convince herself otherwise. Finn couldn’t save her, no matter how hard he tried. She needed to get through _everything_ on her own.

 “A penny for your thoughts?” Finn cast her a sideways glance. “You’ve been quiet all morning.”

She shook her head, a frown on her lips.

“C’mon, Ray.” He lowered the music’s volume. “Talk to me. You know you can, right?”

The silence stretched for a minute, and at last Raven exhaled a sharp breath.

“What do you want to talk about?” She said, crossing her good leg over the other.

“How about the appointment? Are you going to apply?”

Her specialist in Phoenix had given them a pamphlet of this organization called Project Walk. They were a recovery center for people with spinal cord injuries, and their specialized training was supposed to help people regain or recover movement. It seemed too good to be true.

“The center is in Phoenix,” Raven replied. “I don’t have a car and I can’t ask anyone to drive me there on a weekly basis.” She snorted. “Besides, it’s not like it would actually work.”

“You don’t know that,” Finn said. “Dr. Montgomery said that it could help you regain some function in your knee joint and then all you’d need is a smaller brace.”

“Dr. Montgomery must’ve smoked some Mary J before seeing me.”

“Raven,” Finn admonished.

“What?” She turned to him. “Spinal cord injuries aren’t like broken tendons. You can’t just do some strength exercises and expect the nerves in your goddamn back to start transmitting signals to your brain again.”

Finn’s lips thinned out into a harsh line. He breathed deeply through his nose. “I can’t believe you won’t even try. The Raven Reyes I knew would have.”

“She died the second you fucked Clarke.”

And there it was—the still pent up aggression and hurt she harbored over Finn’s infidelity. She had lied to herself thinking she was over it. She was far from it. Of course, she didn’t want to be with Finn again. But the hurt was still there.

Before everything—Finn’s betrayal, the accident—she had been so sure of who she was, what she stood for and what she wanted out of this life.

After, not so much.

It felt like every aspect of her life was swerving out of control and she had long since relinquished control of the wheel.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said, breaking the heavy silence that had enveloped them. “You have no idea how much.”

“I appreciate your apology,” she said, her voice cold.

“Raven,” Finn sighed. He turned on his right blinker and started merging toward the next exit. “I’m trying to help you. I know you don’t want it, and you think you don’t need it, but helping you has become part of my DNA at this point. We’ve spent virtually all of our lives together, through the good and the bad—though lately there seems to be more of the latter,” he trailed off.

Feelings of guilt at snapping at him started crawling in. Deep in her heart, she knew Finn was right and that he only wanted the best for her. Throwing his infidelity in his face, as satisfying as it was for a little there, was going back on her word that she forgave him. It was a low blow, she knew it, that’s why she had done it in the first place.

She had been on edge since the fight with… Her mind trailed off, not wanting to think about a certain dark-haired man that she had grown increasingly close to. She wasn’t ready to face her feelings about him and the situation they were in.

Instead, she shut her eyes and leaned her head against the car window. Finn never turned the radio back up, so she concentrated on the empty silence that spanned in between them. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Finn cleared his throat.

Raven opened her eyes but didn’t turn to face him.

“I think you should apply to Project Walk,” Finn said. “Even if it doesn’t work, you would have at least tried something. I’m not asking you to do it for me.”

He slowed to a full stop in front of a stoplight and turned his head to face her. “I’m asking you to do it for yourself.”

She bit her lip, holding her breath.

“Can you do that?”

His words rang in her ears like forgotten proverbs she’d never really paid attention to in the first place. She swallowed, her eyes drifting to her bag where a corner of the pamphlet was peeking out.

“I’ll apply,” she said, at last.

 

* * *

 

Murphy downed the rest of his beer, Bellamy following suit. They were seated on stools at the bar of The Dropship with the voice of Led Zeppelin coming from the old jukebox in the corner. It had been Bellamy’s first official day back at work, which meant Murphy was finally lifted from desk duty and put back into a patrol car, with Bellamy replacing his old post much to his chagrin.

It was almost ironic that the day after he came clean with Raven he was put back in patrol. It soured the whole ordeal for him.

“I could use another one,” Bellamy said, placing his empty glass mug on the bar. “What about you?”

“Sure.”

Bellamy ordered them another round, and soon the pair was taking swigs of the ice cold amber beer. 

Hanging out with Bellamy had always been easy for Murphy. Spending time together didn’t mean Bellamy would feel obligated to fill every second with meaningless chatter. They could be quiet together, and Murphy liked that. Quiet was good.

And in a way, Murphy looked up to him. He had come out of a rough childhood like him, only he stayed clean and off the streets. He wished he had done the same.

While Bellamy was off in Okinawa with the Marines, Murphy had been serving time in juvie.  That alone gave him a lot to think about.

“Something’s wrong,” Bellamy said suddenly. “I can feel it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Trouble in paradise?” Bellamy smirked at him from his beer mug.

Murphy’s mouth fell open, his face twisting into ill-concealed shock. “What?”

Bellamy chuckled. “I’ve seen that look before. You fucked up.”

“I did not fuck up.”

Murphy rolled his eyes at Bellamy’s expectant expression.

“It’s complicated,” he said at last.

Bellamy clapped a hand to Murphy’s back. “When isn’t it?”

All the goddamn time with this woman, Murphy thought to himself. He had been agonizing over his confrontation with Raven since it happened. He couldn’t even get more than a few hours of sleep—all he did was toss and turn all night. It bothered him that she found out before he had a chance to talk to her. He had been meaning to tell her, but they were having a good time together. There never seemed to be a good moment to tell her ‘ _Oh yeah, Raven. You know that spinal cord injury you have? It’s my fucking fault. Whoops.’_

Then fucking Finn had told her, God knew how he found out, and everything went to shit. He lost his temper, which he shouldn’t have, but at the end of the day it happened and for better or worse Raven knew. He just hoped she could forgive him. _Not likely since you haven’t forgiven yourself_ , he thought.

 “You’re crazy about her, aren’t you?” Bellamy said, jolting him from his thoughts.

Murphy scoffed. “We’re just friends,” he replied, to which Bellamy almost spit up his beer.

“Yeah, okay,” Bellamy said sarcastically.

“It’s true. Or at least it was.”

 Murphy leaned his elbows on the bar, circling the rim of his mug with his thumb. He ended up telling Bellamy everything, from the time they argued in her hospital room to the final fight the previous night. He kept the details of his conversations with Raven to himself though. What she had told him and he told her was meant to stay between them, no matter what.

Bellamy was a good listener. He heard him out without interjections, letting him tell his side of the story at his own pace.  When he finished, Bellamy let out a long sigh.

“I know you must be itching to talk to her, but as your friend,” he said. “I think you should give her some space.”

Murphy licked his lips and took a long swig of his now lukewarm beer. “I wasn’t planning on showing up at her doorstep anytime soon.”

“You can act like her reaction didn’t hurt, but after everything you just told me, I know that’s not true. I know you care about her a lot. Can you at least admit that to yourself?”

“I don’t have to admit that,” Murphy said. “I do care about her, and I’m not afraid to say it. If I didn’t care then this conversation would be entirely different.”

And it would’ve been, but the magnetic pull her felt toward her was all-consuming at times. In the mornings, he looked forward to picking her up and taking her to work, even after finding out that Raven Reyes, best goddamn mechanic in town, was not a morning person by any means. She could not function until she drank half a cup of straight black coffee.

He loved the look on her face when she saw him pull up to her shop. How she would stride confidently over to his SUV and hoist herself in, smiling at him and asking what they were going to have for dinner that day.

He loved that they had a routine. He’d never had that with anyone.

And the days where they ordered takeout and stayed at her apartment, drifting over to her garage after dinner to work on her Thunderbird where they’d spend hours tossing witty banter and tools back and forth—those were his favorite.

He loved getting under her skin while she worked. There was no prettier picture in the world than Raven Reyes slipping off her grease-stained gloves and tossing them over her shoulder as she cocked her hip at him, sharp-tongued words that would make sailors blush tumbling from her lips.

Murphy chugged the rest of his beer. “If I could turn back time Bellamy, I would.” He pushed the empty mug away from him.

“Even if that meant never crossing paths with her?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy nodded slowly. “Even then.” He shook his head, a broken laugh erupting from his throat _. “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”_

Bellamy stared at him evenly, his eyebrows drawn together low on his brow.

“You know the accident wasn’t your fault, right?” he said.

At this, Murphy shrugged him off, not wanting to hear it. Of course it was his fault.

“Murphy, you weren’t even driving,” Bellamy said after he didn’t reply. “I was.”

“But it was my idea,” Murphy said. “If we had just stuck to protocol, none of this would’ve happened.”

“You don’t know that.”

His tone made Murphy look up at him, wiping a hand across the stubble on his jaw.

“If we hadn’t gone after the runaway criminal, he might’ve still hit Raven—or someone else. Or even worse, he might’ve gotten away and had the chance to murder another little boy or girl. I know that it sucks because someone you care about became part of the collateral damage,” Bellamy said, lowering his voice. “But we did the right thing.”

Murphy knew he was right, theoretically. _Officer_ Bellamy Blake was seldom wrong, but Murphy reserved the right to be bitter at the consequences of their actions. If it had been Clarke, that blonde Bellamy was spending all of his time with lately, Murphy knew he would feel extremely different about their actions that night. Bellamy would never understand what it felt like to have hurt someone he cared about for the rest of her life.

Murphy was reminded of it every time his hand brushed up against the cold metal of Raven’s brace.

 

* * *

 

Raven tossed her wrench to the side, the metal clanging against the hard concrete floor of the garage. She braced herself on the open hood of her Thunderbird, frustrated. The engine cooling fan motor that she had salvaged from the salvage yard was a dud.

“Not one damn thing can go right today,” she muttered to herself.

She grabbed a rag from the empty stool besides the car and wiped off some of the grease on her hands. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. Despite the setting sun, her garage could double as a sauna even with the fan on.

From atop her small toolbox, her phone screen lit up, its vibrations loud against the hard metal surface. The sound caused a knot in her stomach. Half of her wished it was Murphy trying to reach her and half of her really wished he just stayed away for a while. She wasn’t sure which half was the dominant one.

She sauntered over to the toolbox and looked at her phone. Wick’s name popped up on the screen.

_You have any plans tonight?_

Raven took a deep breath. It would be easy to lie to him and say she did, but the thought of staying at her apartment alone tonight wasn’t appealing to her in the slightest. She didn’t want to be alone. Granted, she could call Finn but she didn’t particularly want to see him either.

So she threw caution to the fucking wind and replied.

_Nope. What do you have in mind?_

She watched the three little dots dance on her screen as she waited for his reply.

_Dropship? I’ll pick you up at 7._

She could definitely use a drink. She texted him back her response and started wrapping things up in the garage. She shut the hood of her car and turned off all the lights before reaching up and pulling the garage door down.

Once in her apartment, she took a quick shower to wash away the sweat and grit off her skin. Since the accident, showering was one of the things in which she’d had to adjust her life in. Without her brace, Raven had to rely on counters and walls to balance herself properly. She’d fallen on her ass more times than she’d like to admit.

She slung on a pair of tight dark jeans that hung low on her hips, pairing them with a fitted yellow spaghetti-strapped blouse. The neckline was a little lower than she was regularly comfortable with, but she needed to feel like someone else for the night. Plus, the color looked amazing on her olive skin— _bright_ , but it complimented her well.

Wick picked her up at exactly 7 p.m. and not a minute later, surprising her as she plopped down on her couch to turn on her TV and wait since whenever she hung out with Murphy, 7 tended to become 7:15 or 7:30.

But that wouldn’t be the only surprise for the night.

She and Wick had a good dynamic at work—always going back and forth, teasing and sometimes even horsing around the shop—but hanging out with him at night felt different. It felt _weird_ , but she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

His cologne was spicy and ridiculously strong, all-encompassing in the small confines of his pickup truck, which had been a pain to get into, seeing as it was even higher up from the ground than Murphy’s SUV. Even though she was supposed to still be upset with him, _and she was_ , she found herself wishing she was being bathed instead by his clean musk scent.

They made it to the Dropship in a few minutes, perks of a small town, and her brace creaked as Raven hopped down from the truck, sending a sharp shooting pain up her hip. She gritted her teeth and breathed in sharply, but thankfully Wick didn’t seem to notice. They walked into the bar and like the bad joke that it sounded like, there was Murphy.

He was perched up on a stool at the bar with a dark curly-haired man, who looked familiar enough for her to deduce that it was Bellamy, that cop that had been with him the night of the accident and that he had mentioned a few times here and there when they hung out.

Murphy spotted her immediately. It was like someone had shocked him with electricity the way that he bristled as he met her eyes. Feeling petty, she laced her fingers with Wick’s, but instead of feeling pleasure at one-upping him, guilt stabbed through her gut as Murphy’s eyes fixated on their joined hands.

Wick seemed pleased as he led them to a curved booth in the back corner of the bar. Raven shuffled in, the faded red leather squeaking in protest against the fabric of her jeans.

“I’m gonna  order us some drinks,” Wick said, turning abruptly without bothering to ask what she wanted.

As much as she tried to shrug it off, it bothered her. Wick was back in a couple minutes and he put a bottle of Corona in front of her, lime and all.

Raven winced. “Corona?”

Wick nodded. “Figured you’d like it.”

She eyed the pint of lager in his hands and held back a sigh. Corona tasted like piss, but she was determined to try and make the most out of their night out.

Conversation flowed nicely between them at least. She and Wick had plenty in common, and once they started talking about cars and engines, Raven relaxed. She nursed her shitty Corona until it was lukewarm, but she kept drinking it anyways. Despite everything, she was having a good time. Wick was nice, and though flirting still felt strange (especially with Murphy’s eyes wandering over her every now and then) she was still receptive toward it. It would never lead to anything serious, but she was open to whatever the night led them to.

After a while, she really had to pee— _damn that Corona_ —and she started making her way to the bathrooms at the back of the bar. As she was about to open the door to the ladies’ room, a hand reached out and grabbed her elbow.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Murphy asked through gritted teeth.

 “First of all, don’t touch me.” Raven jerked her arm away. “Second of all, none of your fucking business. Go back and have a beer with your cop buddy. Toast to Blue Lives Matter and all that bullshit.”

His eyes widened before quickly becoming emotionless. If Raven had blinked, she would’ve missed the blatant hurt that flashed before he changed.

“Raven, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely audible over the rock music coming from the jukebox. “I’m so sorry.”

“I want out,” she replied, swallowing hard.

“What?”

“You said this was a no-strings-attached friendship,” she said with a shrug, the corners of her lips pulled down. “You said we could end this whenever we want. I want to end it now.”

He closed his eyes, sighing long and deep. “Raven, please…”

She felt the tears building in her eyes, but she kept pushing. It was like she was having an out-of-body experience and all she could do was bulldoze through and do something she knew was wrong.

“Why would I want to be with someone like you? You’re just a self-loathing bottom feeder.” Her words tumbled out of her lips like venom, slow and biting. She crowded him, their lips barely inches away from each other. “You’re a leech, Murphy. Sucking people dry. Taking whatever you can so you can feel better about yourself. You’re a failure of a cop, and you’re a failure of a son. Mommy and Daddy might’ve loved you at first, but they wouldn’t now.”

His eyes were glassy as he bit his lip, almost as if he was trying to contain whatever was building inside of him. Like her, he couldn’t.

“At least my parents are dead. Where’s your crack-whoring mom, again? Did she forget about you?”

Her hand flew up and struck him across his cheek, a resounding slap loud in both of their ears but unperceivable in the crowded bar.

“I hate you,” Raven said, fighting to keep her voice steady.

What happened next was a direct result of that moment with Murphy, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

She had gone into the bathroom, cleaned up as best as she could, and returned to the booth where Wick sat, unaware of what had just happened. She told him she was ready to take this date somewhere else, to which he had replied with an ever charming “You’re place, or mine?”

Wick’s house was just a 10 minute drive from the bar, most of which was silent. He lived in a small brick house with an old-fashioned car port instead of a garage. Once inside, Wick asked if she wanted something to drink, but wanting to forget everything that had just gone down, Raven crashed her lips to his instead.

It felt wrong, instantly. The way his lips moved against hers was foreign and in the back of her head, a little voice told her she needed to stop, but she ignored it. Without separating, Wick walked them to his bedroom, both dropping on his bed unceremoniously.

Raven let her hands wander, moving up his arms and raking her fingers through his shaggy hair. Wick began trailing kisses down her throat, saying things like he had been waiting a long time to do this, and God he couldn’t believe this was real.

Without thinking twice, Raven sat up and took off her shirt, Wick following suit. She fumbled with the zipper on his jeans, tugging it down and reaching in to grab his dick.

Wick gasped in surprise and his eyes glazed over as Raven shifted herself so that she was kneeling at the edge of the bed on his scratchy beige carpet. Kneeling hurt her hip, and it probably hurt her knee too, not that she could feel it. She spit on her hand and wrapped it around the base of his dick.

“Are you sure?” Wick stuttered, asking out of courtesy but already too far gone to really care, in Raven’s opinion.

Instead of replying, she pumped him in her hand, feeling a thrill at his answering moan. _This is wrong, this is wrong, you don’t want to do this,_ the voice in her head screamed, but Raven trudged on.

She took him in her mouth, Wick’s hands fisting in her ponytail. It didn’t take long for him to finish. He tugged at her hair, mumbling something about being close, but Raven took him in deeper instead of letting him pull out. He finished in her mouth, and Raven stood quickly after that. She wandered into the bathroom adjoining the bedroom, spitting into the sink and rinsing her mouth.

“There’s some mouthwash in there if you want to use it,” Wick called out from the bedroom.

Raven bristled, shame flooding up her neck. She was sure Wick hadn’t meant to sound like an asshole, but he had. She felt even more ashamed as she did what he said and swished some Listerine around in her mouth like it would erase her memory of what she just did.

As she walked back into the bedroom, Wick watched her, his dick still hanging out of his pants at half-mast.

“Do you want me to return the favor?” He leaned back on his elbows with a salacious grin.

She shook her head. “No that’s okay.”

Wick’s eyebrows furrowed. “Are you sure? I don’t mind especially after—”

“Can you take me home?” Raven interrupted. “That’s all I really want.”

She could see that Wick was worried now. He stood up, tucking himself into his boxers and zipping up his jeans. Raven located her shirt and threw it on.

“Is everything…Are we okay?” Wick looked uncomfortable and Raven laid a reassuring hand on his forearm.

“We’re okay,” she lied. “I’m just not ready to sleep with someone.”

At this, he nodded, a ray of relief in his eyes. “Finn?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Finn.”

Another lie.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me... Everything has a purpose, I swear!
> 
> Anyways, as always thank you for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. It wasn't the easiest to write, but it had to happen. You'll see why in the coming chapters. I was planning to have this up by last week, but life happened. I was offered a job! It happened really quickly, one day they called me and the next they offered it to me without formally meeting me. For those of you who don't know (or just don't read my notes haha! I don't blame you) I just graduated with a degree in journalism. This week, I'll start working as a reporter for a small beach town newspaper, where I'll be covering news, crime and business. I promise I'll be working on the next chapter, but since I'm in the middle of finding a place and moving (I'll be commuting a long 2 hours to work until I can find a place), the next chapter might take a week or two. 
> 
> Hope you keep reading! 
> 
> Jarleene


	14. The Revelation: Part III

_Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's got me looking so crazy right now._

 

The days following Raven’s hookup with Wick were awkward. He tried to talk to her in the shop on Monday when they got back, but Raven shook him off—not unkindly, but she could tell it hadn’t been the reaction he had been hoping for. If Sinclair noticed the change in atmosphere, he didn’t say anything.

She was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure there was anything else left to say about what happened.

Something she was sure of though, was that she missed Murphy.

Raven can’t quite say it snuck up on her, because it didn’t. Not the way the sudden change in temperature snuck up on her as Ark weather finally realized it was fall. No, the hole Murphy had left behind had been festering since their big fight at the dropship a couple weeks prior. Some days she could almost forget about him, burying herself in her work.

Others, she missed him almost as badly as she missed the function in her left leg.

Today was one of those days.

“What do you mean you’re not gonna make it?” Raven whined over the phone. “Finn, I’ve been waiting for you for an hour. Everyone else has gone home.”

“I’m sorry, Raven,” Finn said. “I didn’t think this group project was going to take this long. We still have a couple more hours of work, and if I ditch, these guys could rat on me to the professor and lower my grade.”

“Tell them you’ll be right back.”

“You know school’s like a 30-minute drive from Ark, right?”

Raven exhaled sharply, frustrated that she was still relying on rides to get to and from work—and virtually anywhere else she needed to go. “It’s fine,” she said, rubbing her temples. “I’ll just take the bus. The stop is only a mile or so away.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Sure, whatever. Talk soon.” She hung up the phone and groaned loudly. If it had been the first time Finn had flaked, she wouldn’t have minded. But this was the fourth time in two weeks.

Raven gathered her things and locked up the shop, the chill mid-November breeze seeping inside her red jacket, making her shiver. She’d always been one to get cold fairly easily, a side-effect of spending the greater part of her life in the southeastern U.S.

She tucked her hands into the pockets of her jacket, her cross-body purse draped over one shoulder, and began the short trek to the bus stop. If she was being honest with herself, walking lately had been bothering her hip. She’d called her doctor about it, and he recommended some stretching exercises and putting cold compresses on it when she got home. Needless to say, Raven ignored him.

She was about half-way to the bus stop when she saw him.

Officer John Murphy coming down the street in his patrol car, one hand on the steering wheel and the other hanging out the open window. Of course, he saw her immediately. There was no one else on the road. Her heart did a somersault in her chest. Just as she was wondering if he would stop, Raven watched with feigned indifference as the patrol car slowed until he pulled up alongside her. She turned to him and leaned inside the car. It was too tempting not to, and despite wanting to look like she didn’t care about him anymore, she was desperate to hear his voice.

“Raven, it’s after six,” was the first thing he said. “What are you doing in the streets? It’s getting dark.”

“I didn’t know I had a curfew,” she said.

Murphy rolled his eyes— _God she missed his eyes._ “Get in, Reyes.”

“What makes you think I will?” She leaned away from the car, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You’re still here, aren’t you?” He let out a quiet groan as he leaned over the passenger seat and opened the door. “Now get in.”

After a brief second, in which she contemplated leaving him hanging and continuing with her original plan of taking the bus, the combination of the weather and her exhaustion urged her to get in the car. She muttered something about still being upset with him as she pulled the door closed.

Once inside, the faint scent of him hit her like a freight train—the clean linen and contradicting sharp musk smell that made up John Murphy. She felt herself swallow harshly, something Murphy’s watchful eyes didn’t miss.

“Relax, Reyes,” he said. “I’m not gonna maim you this time.”

Raven scoffed, her lip curling in disgust—how could she have been thinking of the way he _smelled_?

“God, Murphy you’re such a…” she racked her brain for the right insult. “You’re such a cockroach.”

His shoulders shook and he brought a hand to cover his mouth. It took her a minute to realize he was laughing... _At her._

The realization made her cheeks flood with color, her statement echoing in her head. Out of all the things she could have said, the best she could come up with was “cockroach.”

“Stop laughing,” she said. “I’m not joking.”

Murphy pressed his lips together, trying to suppress the shit-eating grin he wore. He stopped at a light, and raised both of his hands in the air. “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s just,” he shook his head and snorted, bursting into laughter.

Raven felt a grin tugging at the corners of her lips, but fought against it. “You’re a child.”

Murphy put his blinker on and switched to the left lane, stopping at the next light with the intention to turn left. Raven furrowed her brows. He didn’t need to turn yet.

“Where are you going? My apartment’s off Mecha Road, or did you already forget?”

“We’re stopping at the station first,” he replied. “I need to switch this car for my SUV.”

Murphy pulled into the police station, driving to the rear where other patrol cars were parked. They were walking toward his SUV in silence when Raven heard someone holler Murphy’s name. She turned her head and spotted the officer Murphy had been hanging out with at the Dropship.

“Hey man,” Bellamy said, nodding to Murphy. “You done for the day?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna drop Raven at her place,” Murphy replied.

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up and his dark eyes shifted to Raven. “ _The_ famous Raven?”

Raven couldn’t hide her smile this time as Murphy’s pale neck colored red. “I think you mean the awesome Raven,” she said.

Bellamy extended a hand out and she shook it. Murphy scratched at the back of his head, and Raven thought it was cute he was embarrassed. The second the thought entered her head, she reprimanded herself. But try as she might, it was getting harder to stay angry with him the longer they spent together. In truth, she wasn’t exactly sure why she was hell-bent on staying mad at him. It wasn’t going to change anything.

“Actually, I’d like to have a couple words with you, if that’s alright,” Bellamy said, jolting her out of her thoughts.

“Sure,” said Raven at the same time Murphy snapped at Bellamy “What in the world do you have to say to her?”

“Ignore him,” Bellamy said. “I do.” He looked expectantly at Murphy, who threw his hands in the air and went inside his car, leaving Raven and Bellamy alone in the parking lot.

“So…” she began. “What do you want to talk about? Any particular reason why Murphy needed to leave?”

The gaze Bellamy fixed on her was scathing—a complete 180 from how he was acting just minutes before.

“What game are you playing?” He nodded toward Murphy’s car with his chin.

“Game?”

“Stop fucking with him. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Fucking with him?” Raven scoffed, appalled. “ _He_ came up to _me_ today. Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Look, Murphy’s a good guy—a little rough around the edges—but he doesn’t deserve someone that’s hot and cold with him.”

“Okay, first of all,” Raven raised a finger. “What goes on between John and I is none of your fucking business.” She held up a second finger. “Second of all, I actually care about him. But finding out that he in some way shape or form caused the accident that made me lose mobility in one of my legs is kind of a _big fucking roadblock.”_

Bellamy shushed her, seeing as she was getting louder and louder with every word. He took a deep breath before speaking again.

“Look, you can’t blame him for that,” he said. “He wasn’t driving Raven, and it’s still killing him.”

Raven said nothing, her eyes drifting to a familiar white sedan pulling up to the station.  Bellamy followed her gaze and his expression softened.

“You need to face whatever problem you have with him head on,” Bellamy said, but Raven barely heard him. Her eyes were glued to the blonde woman driving the car.

Clarke matched her gaze and for a minute, Raven thought about walking over there. But then Clarke looked away guiltily and Raven shook her head. Months later and Clarke was still a coward.

“Why don’t you tell that to Clarke?” Raven said, her voice cold. She turned before he could ask her what she meant, and heaved herself up onto Murphy’s SUV, shutting the door firmly after her.

On the way to her apartment, she could feel Murphy’s eyes scanning her—but he said nothing. He must’ve heard at least some of what Bellamy had said, and at the moment she could care less. The fact that the world just kept throwing curveballs her way was so ironic to her at that point. Of course the one guy she grew to care about would be involved in the accident that almost left her in a wheelchair. Of course his best friend turned out to be dating the woman Finn had cheated her on with. She got it—Ark was a small town.

But no town should ever feel _that_ small.

Murphy pulled into an empty spot in the apartment lot. Once stopped, he slung an arm over the steering wheel and sighed loudly.

“You gonna tell me what Blake said?”

Raven arched an eyebrow. “You mean you didn’t hear?”

“I heard a little,” he admitted. “But I want to hear it from you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me Bellamy was dating Clarke?” She asked abruptly

“Why should I care who Blake spends his time with?”

“Because that’s Clarke!” Raven yelled abruptly. She swallowed, regaining her composure. “Clarke was the other woman Finn was seeing. She was also my friend. Do you understand?”

He let out a long sigh. “How do you become friends with someone and not realize you’re dating the same guy?”

“I don’t know,” Raven said, rubbing at her temples. “I guess I’m not good at making friends.”

“Obviously. I mean look at us. I can’t think of a single time we’ve ever hung out that we haven’t argued about some bullshit.”

She couldn’t stop a small smile from forming on her face. “That’s because you’re usually wrong.”

“I’m not.” He dragged a hand across his face. “This is not the point. I don’t care about Clarke. What I care about is what Bellamy said to you.”

“If you heard what he said, why does it matter so much that we discuss it right now?”

“When else will we discuss it?” Murphy said, raising his voice. “When you go back inside and pretend I don’t exist again? Next week when Finn leaves you stranded again? Or maybe in a month when you finally realize that you and I are not meant to be friends?”

Raven fell silent, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She was aware she probably looked like a petulant child, but Murphy had no right to speaking to her this way. Unfortunately, his words were annoyingly correct. They needed to discuss what was going on between them.

She could feel the tension hang heavy in the air between them.

“Come upstairs,” she said at last, swinging the passenger-side door open and hopping out.

Once in her apartment, she silently walked to her living room and sat on the edge of her couch. Murphy hung back, choosing instead to lean against the wall in front of her. She didn’t overlook the guarded stance he put on.

“So,” he began. “I’m a roadblock.”

Raven’s eyes snapped up and she shook her head. “No, John. Our situation is the roadblock.”

“What’s it blocking?” Murphy’s eyes looked impossibly blue at that very second, Raven noted. It was a silly thing to be thinking about—Murphy’s eyes.

Raven sighed. “Us, but you knew that already.”

And in that moment, Raven felt drained. She was so exhausted—tired from fighting something that for some odd reason she felt she desperately needed, tired from running away from the root of the problem, and tired for trying to make herself believe that this could end any other way.

It had been written in stone the minute Murphy walked into that Chinese restaurant the night of the accident.

In one swift motion, Murphy pushed himself from the wall and grabbed her face with his hands, tilting her face to meet his lips. Raven brought her hands to his wrists, pulling him closer as their mouths clashed together.

It was almost a battle for dominance, the dance they performed. Raven sucked on his bottom lip, and Murphy’s low groan shot straight down to her core. He toppled onto the couch and, without separating, Raven swung her leg over his lap to straddle him.

He lowered a hand to travel it down her neck, caressing her collar bone and moving to skim her sides. He kept his other hand hooked behind her ear, his thumb anchored to her cheekbone. She tore her lips away from his, satisfied as he chased after her. When she latched on to a pulse point on his neck, Murphy sighed and tilted his head to give her more access.

She bit at his skin lightly and peppered kisses down the column of his throat. Murphy wrapped a hand in her ponytail and forced her face to meet his, where he retaliated by biting at her chin and then attacking her mouth with the filthiest of kisses—hot, heavy and all-consuming.

Raven grinded against him, feeling him hard against the seam of her jeans. She could have kissed him forever, never separating and living off the air they exhaled into each other’s mouths.

“Just to make things crystal clear,” Raven said, her voice breathy and uneven. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

She went back in for a kiss, which he returned, but she could taste the hesitance on his tongue. She pulled back to look at him, hair mussed and pupils blown.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” she said. Her brows knit together uncertainly. “Unless…you want—”

She never got to finish her sentence as her words spurred him back to life. She ran her hands through the silky strands of his hair, raking her hands down his back as he sucked on her neck. Raven pulled the hem of his shirt upwards, and Murphy caught on quick.

He pulled off his shirt from the collar, tossing it to the wayside, before returning his attention to her neck.

“Bedroom,” Raven murmured in his ear. “Now.”

Murphy was nothing but obedient in that moment. He stood up from the couch, holding on to her thighs as she wrapped them tighter around his torso. Murphy walked them slowly to a door, and Raven nodded to let him know he had gotten it right. In the back of her mind, the part that wasn’t swirling with inherent addiction Murphy was feeding her, she wondered if her brace was digging uncomfortably into his back.

He set her down softly on her bed and she quickly stripped her top off. She undid her ponytail and lay back on her elbows, watching as Murphy undid the belt from his pants. Her eyes drifted down his bare chest, lingering on the sparse line of hair that trailed below the waistline. Flushing, she brought her gaze back to his face, finding him staring right back at her.

Murphy undressed until he was down to his boxers and socks, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

“You’re blushing, Reyes,” he said, his voice just barely above a whisper. “Having second thoughts?”

She shook her head. Murphy dropped to his knees in front of her, and gestured to her brace. “Can I?”

“Do you know how to remove it?” Raven asked, proud that her voice remained steady.

“Can’t be harder than a bra,” Murphy said, drawing a snicker from Raven.

He undid the straps of her brace meticulously, laying it beside the bed gently. Raven slid her jeans down and Murphy helped her get them all the way off. Afterward, he began planting gentle kisses all the way up her leg, from her ankle to almost reaching her upper thigh.

Raven’s breath hitched, and she felt Murphy smile against her skin.

“I know you couldn’t feel all of that, but I was hoping the thought would count,” he said, looking at her through his lashes.

Raven had enough of his teasing at that point. She scooted back on the bed, forcing him to chase after her.

They kissed like it was the main event. She had forgotten how much fun kissing was. Somewhere along the way, they shed the rest of their clothes. The feeling of skin-on-skin contact with him could have been enough to push her over the edge with how wound up and ready she was.

She could feel he was too.

“ _John_ ,” she whispered in his ear, wrapping her good leg around his back.

Murphy pulled back a little, his hand brushing a few strands of her hair behind her ear. “You’re sure?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Say it,” he insisted. “I need to hear you say it out loud.”

Exasperated and incredibly inpatient, Raven replied, “Yes, I’m sure. There should be condoms in that drawer.” She pointed to the nightstand beside the bed.

Once he had rolled one on, he positioned himself between her legs again, his length pressing into her entrance. At her encouragement, he started to slide in, causing Raven’s back to arch slightly off the bed and her eyes to shut.

It had been a long time since she’d been with someone, and even then, she’d only ever been with one man.

When he bottomed out, he remained still as she got accustomed to having him inside her. Raven opened her eyes and met Murphy’s, dilated and _so, so blue._ After a few seconds, she nodded at him and Murphy began to move.

He set a slow rhythm, as if he was savoring every thrust, every one of her nibbles as her teeth grazed his shoulders. He hooked her bad leg over his waist, going deeper. At the sensation, Raven let out a short gasp. She slid her hands into his hair, unsticking his bangs from where they matted to his forehead with sweat.

As always with him, she was torn. This time, half of her wanted him to go faster, and the other half was begging her to let someone else take the reins for once. She decided to do the latter, and let him keep his punishingly slow pace, meeting his thrusts with her hips and dragging a soft moan from him.

Her orgasm caught her by surprise—that had never happened before. Murphy slid a hand in between them to stimulate her, and a few brushes of his fingers pushed her over the edge. She gasped into his neck as she rode the wave of her pleasure.

He wasn’t far behind. Raven felt his biceps tighten under her fingertips, his movements not quite as exact as a few minutes before. He finished without fanfare— just a low grunt that she might’ve missed entirely had his mouth not been hot at her ear.

Afterward, he rolled off her and they lay side by side, breathing heavily. Their eyes met and they laughed. Raven rolled on to her side, tucking her hands under the pillow.

“Hi,” she said, smiling.

Murphy turned his body to face her. “Hi.” His gaze trailed down to her bare chest, and she rolled her eyes.

“Really? Haven’t you had enough already?”

He smirked. “I didn’t get a good look before.”

Raven shifted closer and kissed him. Maybe it was that post-orgasm glow, or something similar, but at that moment, she felt really happy—even a bit giddy, which wasn’t normal. Raven Reyes never got giddy.

After a few minutes where they cuddled despite the stickiness of their sweaty bodies, Murphy began to pull away.

“I should go,” he said. He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late.”

Raven bit her lip. “Stay?” she asked, tilting her face up to his. “Please?”

“I can stay?”

What a stupid question, she thought to herself. “Of course you can stay.”

The uncertainty in his eyes would be endearing if she didn’t feel like she had suddenly misinterpreted the whole situation. Maybe he didn’t want to stay. Maybe this was only going to be a one-time thing. Maybe he didn’t want more with her.

Maybe it would be better this way.

“Hey,” Murphy said, getting her out of her head. “Stop overthinking things. I just assumed you wouldn’t want me to stick around after…” he trailed off and shrugged.

Raven laughed. “I suddenly feel as if I had been a virgin before tonight,” she said, and he laughed with her.

“Damn, that good?” He said cockily, tucking both of his arms underneath his head.

“Not like I have much to compare it too,” she said, pressing a kiss to the middle of his chest. “Shower with me? Your skin tastes salty.”

They didn’t make love in her shower. In some ways, that made it more intimate. Murphy helped her get in, frowning at how high the sides of her bathtub were. He held her steady when her bad leg threatened to give way.

And he kissed her. Ravaged her mouth as the hot water laved over their heads and the steam filled up her small bathroom. Nipped at her lips until he drove her insane—the crazy part of her brain wondered where (and from whom) he had learned that.

Later, as they lay nude in her bed, wrapped up in sheets and tangled in each other, Murphy asked her if they should talk about what was next.

Raven lifted her head from his chest, keeping the sheet tight against her breasts as she sat up.

“Next?”

“We barely functioned as friends, Raven,” he said, and lowered his eyes. “I mean, I did this to you.” He gestured vaguely at her leg. “Now that I know what this is like, I don’t know that I could go back.”

“You don’t have to know,” Raven said. “John you don’t even have to imagine that because it’s not gonna happen.” She looked down at her leg. “Yes, you may have been one factor in the accident, and that’s never going to change.”

She took his hand, and smiled at how he rubbed circles on the back of hers with his thumb.

“Haven’t you thought that maybe we weren’t good friends because we are meant to be more?” Raven smiled sadly. “Maybe the accident is the universe’s big ‘Fuck You’ to us and we were always meant to cross paths.”

“Reyes, are you talking to me about fate?” Murphy smirked, raising his eyebrows and as usual whenever he made a snarky comment, she rolled her eyes.

“All I’m saying, you cockroach,” she jabbed him lightly in the ribs, “is that I don’t plan on running away from this anymore. From us,” she said. “Come hell or high water.”

“But Raven, your leg—” he began, but Raven cut him off by putting a finger to his lips.

“I can deal with losing my leg,” she said, her voice soft. “But losing you?” Raven shook her head, and she didn’t have to say anything else.

Murphy kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! Hopefully the really long wait was worth it ;)
> 
> Honestly, first time writing a sex scene and it was an experience lol I hope it didn't translate as awkward as I think it did. I put into use some of my Murven headcanons-- i.e. I think they're quiet lovers. 
> 
> I will get started on the next chapter asap, though I'm not sure when that will be up. I have found that my challenge is not lack of inspiration, but just motivation. I write all day for work and after I get home, sometimes the last thing I want to do is write some more. But I'm working on getting into a writing schedule for my own personal time. I really do miss writing fiction.
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you thought! Only like 2 more months until season 5 starts :) I really think we're going to get some canon Murven.


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